Babysitter issues-with edits-with more edits
I have a Christmas party my best friend asked me to go to with her on Friday, and we were planning on this new babysitter watching the kids for 4 or 5 hours.
We did a practice run, first time she was alone with the kids, last night. We were gone for a hour and a half. We told her no movies when we were gone, so she called us an hour in to ask what movies the kids could watch. I told her no movies, have the boys get in the bath and play in their rooms. The younger kids could color, read books, play board games. My boys are 8 and 9 and every bath night we follow the same routine, they know what to do.
So we get home half an hour later, and all the kids are watching a movie, only one of the boys had taken a bath. The stress of setting things right, as soon as we got home, was not worth going out to eat.
So, do I give her another chance on Friday, or just not go to the party? My best friend will not be upset if I don't go.
And because I guess some people are confused, let me clarify, movies are ok on Fridays, but not on week days. And my boys had to stay up late to get baths done. Books, board games, art supplies are all in easy reach. She let them watch movies because they wanted to. And she only had 4 kids, one was at my moms.
The weather made the choice for me this time, we are expecting a foot of snow Friday night. If my kids watch a movies on a school night, they end up sleeping badly, and the next day they have problems at school, and they did. Just because your kids can handle it, does not mean my kids don't have real problems. On Fridays and weekends, they can sleep in for a couple hours or take a nap after lunch, not something they can do at school. Dh works wendesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights from 7 pm to 2 am. He also works days Monday to Friday (8 to 5). So Monday and tusday nights are the only time we can go on a date. I originally planned on my sons taking showers before school the next day, but when she was having problems with the 4 kids at once, I suggested the boys take baths since they can do that all by them selves, making it so she only had to focus on two right then. There was not fight from my kids about it. One took a bath, and then said he wanted to watch a movie (this is what she said) and so she put on a movie and told the boys they could watch it, because that is what they wanted. She told me, to my face that my oldest son said he wanted to watch a movie and so she put it on. I made dinner, and served it, I was home 20 minuets before bedtime. All she was asked to do was to watch our kids. There was nothing else. If she cant handle that, I don't think I want her to watch my kids when there is more involved.
The baby sitter is 18, we paid her $40 for the hour and a half. I know I will not be going out on Friday, we may or may not have her watch our kids again. I can understand if she didn't want to do baths, and if she had said so when she called, I wouldn't have expected it to be done. She said that it would be no problem. The baths don't really matter that much, since she said she would, I expected them done. My kids did get in trouble for asking, and we did talk to them, and did before we left. Only my 8 and 9 year olds took baths, not the younger ones. Books, games, play dough, art supplies are in easy reach, easy to find. My 18 month old can get to most, my 3 year old can get to everything. I hope I got most of the questions. There has been so many responses I don't think I read them all.
I actually understand about "routine" kids need to stick to the routine. My oldest isnt allowed to watch TV/movies until he has done all his chores and homework. My son also takes advantage of babysitters tho. If i tell them that he has to have homework done before TV i always come home to the TV on and homework undone. "he uses excuses like, i cant or i dont want to, or i dont know how." To an 18 year old or slightly younger, they dont know what its like to be a parent and to enforce rules so they just let them slide, someday when your baby sitter is a parent she will look back and go "oh" i get it.
I think it will be okay since you are going to the party on a Friday. I don't see why the babysitter could not have followed your instructions. After bathing most kids settle down and her evening would have ran smoothly with the various activities you already have in place. This time, make sure you instruct the sitter on what you want done before your return. Explain to her, as you did me, why you don't want your kids watching movies and if your requests are not implemented you will have to replace her. She is getting paid good money, which I was near to help you out. Go to the party. Then go from there.
You are used to having 5 kids, plain and simple. Your babysitter is not. While she may love your kids to pieces, it is hard and possibly a little overwhelming for her to stick to your routine. If the kids love her and they are all alive and well by the time you get home, be grateful. At least one kid got their bath. You will either have to be a little more flexible or do your whole routine yourself and don't leave until they are all in bed. I was raised 1 of 9. When us 4 older children had a babysitter (before the youngers came along), my parents told the sitter our bedtimes and left the rest up to them.
Quoting happy-go-lucky:
The baby sitter is 18, we paid her $40 for the hour and a half. I know I will not be going out on Friday, we may or may not have her watch our kids again. ...
Holy cow! That's over $26.50/hour. That's like $6.50 per kid per hour. That's a lot of money to pay a teenaged babysitter. We pay our teenaged babysitter $7/hour for 2 kids. That's not $7 per kid, that's $7 total for the two of them. That's going rate around here.
Unless you're in a really high COL area, it sounds like one of two things going on here. Either:
a) she's a professional babysitter - in which case I would agree with you that more should be expected of her. Send her back to wherever you got her from.
OR
b) you are paying way too much for, and therefore expecting way too much from, your average run-of-the-mill teenage babysitter. Lower her pay to a more reasonable wage (IMO, $10 - $15 per hour for the 4 to 5 of them) and then find a way to loosen your rules a bit just for when the babysitter is there.
This! I'd be ticked too if the babysitter disobeyed me also. Like the PP's have said.. if she's not going to obey you in the little things, what other rules is she going to ignore.I would NOT ask her to sit again.
OP I think it's great you have 5 kids on a routine. My son is special needs (autism) and he has a routine that needs to be followed with little variance. Otherwise I get a tired son and things do not go well the next day.
Quoting pinkcicle709:If she called & asked about the movie and you said NO- then NO I wouldnt give her another chance. She intentionally disobeyed you.
Quoting kittn370:
It was blunt, yeah...but I'm not looking for a fight. I don't have the time or energy to keep up with that kind of crap. But I also have no sympathy for someone who wants someone else to watch FIVE kids and then forbid them to do anything that would make it the least bit easier. Plus, who doesn't give their kids a bath or prepare their dinner before the sitter arrives?! I have ONE and I do that much. Jeebus. It's one thing to want a competent sitter but a WHOLE 'nother to want a surrogate mommy. And for FIVE KIDS!! She's being ridiculous.
Quoting harehelper:Holy cow, was this rude. You are entitled to your opinion, but why in the world couldn't you have the tact to phrase it in a way that doesn't sound like you are hoping for a fight?
Quoting kittn370:You sound like an overly-demanding control freak. When sitters come - ESPECIALLY for 5 kids - there need to be some allowances made to make their stay relatively easy. Kids tend to get wound up and wild when mom and dad leave and the sitter comes to "play." So movies or an alternative quiet, non-messy activity that your kids actually LIKE to do is an absolute MUST. Also, kids should be bathed BEFORE you leave the house so the sitter doesn't have to deal with that (again, especially when you're talking about FIVE kids), and a meal should be prepared and ready to serve or she should be left money to order pizza.
You're expecting WAY too much...you either need to relax and start HELPING set your sitters up for as easy an evening as possible before you leave or you need to just never go out without your kids. You are, after all, the one who decided to pop out a litter of them.
Is there any way to make tying shoes fun?
- happy-go-lucky
on Nov. 30, 2011 at 10:41 AM