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2nd grader and conflict resolution

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:45 AM
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So my daughter a 2nd grader is outgoing and confident child. We have done a couple workshops on empowerment, anti bullying etc. When kids gossip or a rude to her she confronts them. Of course if it escalates, etc she will tell an adult. Most of her friends have a similar approach to conflict.

So last week I received an email from another mom telling me that my daughter and another girl M were whispering about her daughter K and making her self-conscious. I talked to my daughter and she was clueless that the K girl was upset and if K thought she was being talked about she should have asked instead of telling her parent. Per my daughter and her friend M my daughter said quietly "I m going to play with so and so right now" and pointed to K.

Now it's turned into this huge deal and my daughter and her friend M tried to talk to K about it, trying to explain the misunderstanding. K called them mean, rude, etc. So now K is ignoring both of them and in turn both the girls are ignoring K. All three are in the same class.

M's mom and i think its sad that K doesnt have basic conflict skills. There's an appropriate time to involve an adult but I think in this case it wasn't necessary.

How would you handle this situation?
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:45 AM
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Replies (1-6):
sweetangie79
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 5:58 AM

take a few days and see if the kids resolve it.  If not plan something that K likes to do and invite her over.  Make it something special, like a favorite cake or small party or something.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:48 AM

If M and your daughter apologized to K for creating the misunderstanding, then it's up to K to accept the apology. If K doesn't want to accept the apology, it's her right. I agree with the PP that K might just need a little more time.

coolmommy2x
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:53 AM
I agree and want to add that althoguh they weren't saying anything bad, your DD and M (by their own admission) were talking quietly and pointing to K. That is rude and a definite negative vibe to put out there. No wonder K has gone on the defensive.

Quoting Barabell:

If M and your daughter apologized to K for creating the misunderstanding, then it's up to K to accept the apology. If K doesn't want to accept the apology, it's her right. I agree with the PP that K might just need a little more time.

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Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I would NOT go sucking up to K....Seriously? Throw a party for her? WOW! Way to teach her to tattle more often.

Girls have a right to play with whomever thy choose. If they told K they weren't going to play with her today, she needs to find someone else to hang with. If it became a problem and they were shunning her all the time I would say to get involved but it sounds like a rare thing from the tone of the post. 

So K got pissy that she wasn't included and called it whispering behind her back @@  The other girls  apologised and K decided she didn't want to hear it. The problem is K.. Tell K's Mom to stay our of it.  It's a kid thing, give the girls a little while and soon everyone will be playing again. THATS how they learn conflict resolution!

Jinx - Homeschooling Scout & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Star Scout Ian 1/98, Scout Sean 9/00, Brownie Heidi 4/03. Police wife to Joe and Alpha to my fur baby German Shepherd Spazz.

Bleu_Fairy
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:30 AM
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thank you. thats how i feel. if K doesnt learn conflict resolution mow, life later on and as an adult is going to be tough. i tjink as parengs we wNt to protect our kids but not from every little incidents K came up to my daughter and M and said "can we be friends again?" i could see both tense look at me and i nodded.

k's mom send out an agenda for our next troop mtg, one of the topics is conflict resolution. :D

Quoting Jinx-Trouteblex3:

I would NOT go sucking up to K....Seriously? Throw a party for her? WOW! Way to teach her to tattle more often.

Girls have a right to play with whomever thy choose. If they told K they weren't going to play with her today, she needs to find someone else to hang with. If it became a problem and they were shunning her all the time I would say to get involved but it sounds like a rare thing from the tone of the post. 

So K got pissy that she wasn't included and called it whispering behind her back @@  The other girls  apologised and K decided she didn't want to hear it. The problem is K.. Tell K's Mom to stay our of it.  It's a kid thing, give the girls a little while and soon everyone will be playing again. THATS how they learn conflict resolution!


Dimples04
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Maybe arrange a play date with just your dd & K at a bounce house or something so they can talk & have fun and you and K's mom can mediate if needed.
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