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What's so hard about....

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:04 PM
  • 33 Replies


Saying Sorry... (A Real Apology)


My daughter is 11 and in 5th grade.  She lied to her friends at lunch (told them she saw the movie Breaking Dawn at the dollar theater the previous weekend).   (What's really sad is that it wasn't even playing over the weekend.)  Anyway, I told her that she needed to tell her friends that she was sorry.  We discussed in detail how and why she needed to apologize.  That she needed to say SORRY, and WHY (for lying about going to the movies) and that (I didn't see Breaking Dawn.) and perhaps ask for them to forgive her.  We even wrote it out and practiced what she should say. 

She often claims that she forgets to do things... so I told her that if she forgot she would have to miss a birthday party she was planning to attend this weekend. 

Well, she remembered, but made the decision to not give a full apology.  She just said, I didn't see Breaking Dawn.  No apology included. 

So tomorrow (if the teacher allows it) - she will apologize in front of the entire class.  (I've emailed the teacher to ask if that would be Ok. - it should only take 5 seconds.) 

Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated. 


by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:07 PM
3 moms liked this

Kids want to save face. She in essence told them she lied when she told them she really didn't see it. that was embarassing enough. I don't see what point you would be making to make herdo it in front of the whole classwhen it didn't invilve the whole class. If I was the teacher I would say, "Nope, sorry."

proudmomoffour
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:08 PM
2 moms liked this

I understand why you are upset about the lying thing, and it's fine to insist on an apology, but I don't understand why it would be necessary to apologize to the entire class.  It seems like the punishment would exceed the crime, so to speak.

frndlyfn
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:12 PM
3 moms liked this

To me, you are excessively proving the point.   I would not force an apology if she isnt sorry either.  That creates the mentality of fake apologies and to me those are worse than no apology. Confessing to her friends that she actually did not see the movie should be enough and at this age they usually move past the lie since it isnt a harmful one.

soymujer
by Mikki on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:31 PM

I agree.

Quoting frndlyfn:

To me, you are excessively proving the point.   I would not force an apology if she isnt sorry either.  That creates the mentality of fake apologies and to me those are worse than no apology. Confessing to her friends that she actually did not see the movie should be enough and at this age they usually move past the lie since it isnt a harmful one.


family in the van   Mom of four


indymom22
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:50 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting frndlyfn:

To me, you are excessively proving the point.   I would not force an apology if she isnt sorry either.  That creates the mentality of fake apologies and to me those are worse than no apology. Confessing to her friends that she actually did not see the movie should be enough and at this age they usually move past the lie since it isnt a harmful one.

This is my thought, too.  She cleared up the wrong information and chances are her friends either asked her about it or just said "ok" and moved on. 

What is your thought process about making her apologize in front of the entire class?  The whole class wasn't in on the lie, were they?

Lisa, SAHM to 2, taxi mom to many

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I am not into publicly humiliating my children, so I think that this is a really bad idea.

kmrtigger
by Kandice on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:27 PM

I have to agree with Steel. She fessed up and told them she didn't see the movie. Leave it at that.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Were her friends upset when she confessed the lie? Is it possible she didn't apologize because they didn't think it was that big of a deal? IDK

I could see punishing her for not following your full instructions, but that does seem like a pretty extreme punishment to me. I would have just grounded my son for a weekend or take video games away for a few days....

guccimomma
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this

This exactly.  I would never humiliate my daughter like you're wanting to do.  And if I were the teacher I wouldn't allow it.

Quoting kmrtigger:

I have to agree with Steel. She fessed up and told them she didn't see the movie. Leave it at that.


 juggling ~ *Amber* ~

hollydaze1974
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this
This is a lot to ask her to do. She didn't cheat, or hurt anyone and told the truth....but you now want her to get up in front of her WHOLE class and apologize for this?
SO glad you weren't my mom. That's a tough pill for an I'm sorry
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