When my husband comes home from work, it is usually about time for me to start getting dinner on to cook. So, he usually sits at the counter by the sink while I cook dinner, or we both cook dinner, and we tell each other about our days. Sometimes, this may be the only "adult time" we get until it's time to crawl into bed and fall into a coma for a few brief hours. During this time, my step-daughters, 8 and 12, are supposed to be picking up their rooms and enjoying some "down time" after school and homework. Since we don't allow drinks in their bedrooms to prevent spills and dishes piling up, they are often in and out of the ktichen while my husband and I are talking. A lot of the times, both children, but mainly the 8 year old, will interrupt our conversations to ask who, what, when, where, why about the conversation my husband and I are having. Is this normal? Are they asking questions because they are being nosy nellies and are "butting in" to our conversation, or are they just being curious? Many of the conversations my husband have are adult topics, not x-rated or anything, but topics that kids their age are not going to understand or don't need to understand (my husband is a police officer and I am a retired police officer). If it's something that we don't mind them knowing, we explain it. But if it's something they don't need to know we simply say, "It's nothing you need to be concerned about." Is this being dismissive?
We tell our kids, "You weren't invited into this conversation".
I will say, that they are excited to see their dad home too and might want a little attention from him. What if told him to come inside, go to each of their rooms and give them hugs and ask about their days and then come sit and talk. That way they feel that they are important too.
I think it's curiosity but still children need to learn not to interrupt or listen in to adult conversations. My oldest is 7 years old and she does this also, if her father and I catch her trying to listen we tell her to stay out of adult conversations and send her to her room. My husband and I have both calmly explained to children that parents have a lot of things going on and that they don't need to concern themselves with it because it's adult problems. We've tried to teach them not to interrupt any adult while they're speaking to another adult but sometimes they get excited about something and still interrupt but they're learning and it's less often that they interrupt or listen in.
I do the same thing with my 9 yr old I tell her that me and whomever I am talking to are talking and she is not involved in the conversation! Then i tell her that it is impolite to eavesdrop on other people's convos she gets mad and says i wasn't. Then I just give her a look and she storms off crying!!
Nope. I have a 6 year old and a 14 year old that like to jump into our conversations. I just tell them, I wasn't talking to you, go on up to your room. It's rude and they need to learn that.
Quoting hriabywx4:
I would say that they are being NORMAL nosy nellies! Also that they may be trying for some dad attention. We also let our kids know that we are having a conversation and they are interrupting.
I have a question before I offer my 2 cents.
Do you continue this conversation during dinner with the girls involved or do you focus on their day with you and their father as a family?
When DH gets home, he usually changes out of his uniform, takes his police dog out for a quick break, talks to the girls briefly about how school was, what they did, etc. Then I start dinner and he sits down so we can have some adult talk about our days, problems, etc. As a police officer, some of the things he does don't need to be shared with the kids because it causes them anxiety, worry, and stress. (This coming from the counselor we took the oldest to after the divorce for some anxiety issues.) But DH needs to talk about these things and I understand because I have been there. And when we sit down for dinner, we use that time to get into more detail about what's going on at school, what they are studying, their friends, funny stories, any activities coming up at school like book fairs and band concernts, or plan activities we want to do together as a family for that week/weekend.
Quoting kmrtigger:
I have a question before I offer my 2 cents.
Do you continue this conversation during dinner with the girls involved or do you focus on their day with you and their father as a family?
Okay, thanks for that explanation.
I would tell the 8yr old that is interrupting you two, that she is not involved in this conversation and she needs to get her drink and get back to her room. If asked why, tell her that this is adult time. And during dinner you all will talk together and if she is still curious she can ask her questions then.
I honestly thinks she is more curious than she is nosey.
Quoting JustaSM231:When DH gets home, he usually changes out of his uniform, takes his police dog out for a quick break, talks to the girls briefly about how school was, what they did, etc. Then I start dinner and he sits down so we can have some adult talk about our days, problems, etc. As a police officer, some of the things he does don't need to be shared with the kids because it causes them anxiety, worry, and stress. (This coming from the counselor we took the oldest to after the divorce for some anxiety issues.) But DH needs to talk about these things and I understand because I have been there. And when we sit down for dinner, we use that time to get into more detail about what's going on at school, what they are studying, their friends, funny stories, any activities coming up at school like book fairs and band concernts, or plan activities we want to do together as a family for that week/weekend.
Quoting kmrtigger:
I have a question before I offer my 2 cents.
Do you continue this conversation during dinner with the girls involved or do you focus on their day with you and their father as a family?
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- JustaSM231
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 9:54 AM