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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Too harsh words for 7 yo's unintentional behavior?

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 2:00 AM
  • 36 Replies

I wanted to bring to your attention an event that has taken place in his school that is quite disturbing.  I believe this matter could’ve been handled quite differently with a positive outcome, yet as it stands now, my 7 yo's son had been accused of an adult's crime in the letters that went out to parents at school. 

In the midst of a “group activity” my son supposedly “grabbed” other girl's  “buttocks.” I am not sure what this “group activity” was, but the truth is he apparently reached out to girl and “tapped” her, just as he does with his own siblings. This event was interpreted by teacher as “The girl was visibly upset and shaken by the incident. She was clearly uncomfortable and felt unsafe.” Taken out of the context, this sounds like a criminal deposition of a vicious sex offender. Really? Do you really think this is what 7 yo intended? A simple talk and explanation of the behavior with my son and us would have sufficed, and the misunderstanding clarified, yet a formal letter was sent out to both parents as well.   I am in no way implying that grabbing another student in the buttock is by any means acceptable. But, his playful action was twisted into some sick malicious act.   7 year olds does not even understand the meaning of this at the level he is being accused of. 

Now my 7 yo son is under suspension for a day and very depressed about punishment from school.  I'm looking for some advise and legal suggestions, if there are anything parent can do to fight back when  7 yo is being harshly accused for his playful action.

******************************************************************************************************************

I think many moms out there are assuming and believing words by words described in the incident as "girl was visibly shaken by the incident and felt unsafe".    However, when I spoke to girl's other mom, she said her daughter was "just bit embarrassed".   The point here I wanted to raise is whether teacher did the right thing by exaggerating my son's playful touch as some sort of vicious crime.   It's one thing to point out inappropriate touch, it's other issue when inappropriate touch is overly exaggerated that damages kids reputation.  I was just at the mall other day and my 5 yo son(not the 7 yo) was starring at erotic picture of women's private area displayed by Victoria's secrets stores which happened to be near children's play area.  Half naked pictures in the mall and advertisements are allowed but child's play with hugging and tagging are not?  There are too many mixed messages for children there days...

btw-lnitial letter was sent out to me and other mom.  Second letter was sent out to just the second graders, not the whole school.

 

 

by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 2:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lilmamiz07
by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 2:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Take it to the news. Seriously Schools this days are frustrating me. Starting with the rush in kindergarten from bad teachers to this kinds of stuff. Your son could be traumatized cause of this... they didn't think of that or that maybe he could be teased by others in school? Take it to the news I'm pretty sure they'll clear his name and his action in a heartbeat.

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 6:18 AM
I'm sorry, but a boy grabbing a girl's butt, no matter what the age, is NOT innocent play. That's sexual harassment plain and simple. If a boy had done that to my daughter, that boy and his parents would be dealing with a very angry mother and father. If that is "normal" play in your house, then you might want to look into counseling.
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 6:19 AM
Btw I think he's/you are fortunate that it was only one day of suspension, because as the parent of the girl, I'd be livid.
matofour
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 8:02 AM
1 mom liked this
Sorry if he made the girl that upset he needs to deal with his punishment. At seven he should know better than to touch a persons private parts. And if she felt violated enough to be upset by what he did, then he was clearly on the wrong an should serve his punishment.
Playing or not, he shouldn't of done it.
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butterflies798
by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 8:16 AM

I agree with mjande. As a parent of 4 girls, if some little boy touched their butt's I would be pissed. No way is that ok. You should just take the punishment and take it as a lessoned learned. Parents are always so quick to say "my child wouldn't do that"  and want to think their child is perfect. Don't go to the news, don't make a big deal out of it. Deal with your son and let him know that the butt is a private part that he has no right to touch on someone else. I have 5 kids and they don't "tap" each other on the butt to get their attention, never have.

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Feb. 25, 2012 at 9:11 AM
1 mom liked this

As others have pointed out, from the perspective of the other student this was a big deal. 

I've been teaching for 15 years and I've never had a student do that. Kids know what body parts are off limits. Your son made a mistake. He needs to respect other people's boundaries. The school is just making sure they are doing all they can to prevent this from happening again. 

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 9:25 AM

I can completely understand how it isn't a big deal to you or your family.  However, it is very inappropriate behavior for a classroom setting.  You need to explain to your son that he shouldn't be touching other students on their bottoms because that is a private part.  If you haven't had a talk with him about private parts in general, this would be a good time to do that.

When my oldest son was in preschool he got in trouble for hugging the other kids in his class.  Granted, you would think that hugging is something sweet and innocent, but what if the other child didn't want to be hugged?  I had a talk with my son explaining about who we can hug and who we can't.  I also talked to him about personal space and good touch/bad touch.  Every day when I was taking him to school I reminded him that he wasn't supposed to hug any of the students and I also reminded him of the punishment that he'd receive from the teacher if he did hug someone.  

Arwynn
by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 10:22 AM
You could do this.

It could backfire in really horrible ways....

I personally would go to the superintendents office.

You also have to view it from the girls perspective.

Quite frankly - you need the rest if the story.


Quoting lilmamiz07:

Take it to the news. Seriously Schools this days are frustrating me. Starting with the rush in kindergarten from bad teachers to this kinds of stuff. Your son could be traumatized cause of this... they didn't think of that or that maybe he could be teased by others in school? Take it to the news I'm pretty sure they'll clear his name and his action in a heartbeat.


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mjande4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 11:05 AM
2 moms liked this

And taking it to the news wouldn't further the humiliation!?  In addition to the kid being all over the news, the parents now will be labeled as well.  There is NO upside to your suggestion.  The boy was clearly out of bounds and he AND his parents need to learn from this huge mistake before he does it again.

Quoting lilmamiz07:

Take it to the news. Seriously Schools this days are frustrating me. Starting with the rush in kindergarten from bad teachers to this kinds of stuff. Your son could be traumatized cause of this... they didn't think of that or that maybe he could be teased by others in school? Take it to the news I'm pretty sure they'll clear his name and his action in a heartbeat.


EponineVader
by Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this

At 7 a child should know better then to touch other peoples butts, If he touched my daughter and she was upset about it, I would be at the school in a heartbeat. The punishment it not that harsh and maybe he will understand that what he did was not appropiate!!!

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