My child is where ?! But she didn't have permission.... EDITED
My daughter's school had play try outs today. She was suppose to go to play try outs right after school and stay there until I picked her up when they were over. The permission slip I signed said that the kids were required to stay until 5pm.
I went to pick her up at 5pm and couldn't find her in among the kids. I was starting to panic when my son said he had to go potty. When we were leaving the bathroom, I heard some one say, "K ! Your mom is here !" She was at the after school club.
She decided not to try out so they gave her the option of calling me or going to after school club. She choose to go to after school club.
When I went to ask the PTO (Parent Teacher Oraanization) Vice president who was in charge because I wanted to find out from an adult WHY my child was somewhere she wasn't suppose to be ! My daughter's reading teacher stuck her nose in and got all snotty with me, so I got all snotty right back. She gave it to me even worse. Told me it wasn't time the and the place to get it all figured out and that I shouldn't get upset and be all rude to her. Oh yes it was ! Why wait until every one is gone ?!?
Principal and the lady who sent my daughter to the after school club, and the lady apologized. They agreed that I should have gotten a phone call letting me know where my child was. I told the principal that if that teacher ever speaks to me that way again, I will file a complaint with the school board.
This is the 2nd time this school year that they have let my 5 year old choose where she wanted to go after school.....without calling me or sending her where she was suppose to go.
My daughter is grounded for the week. I explained to to her that she can't just go where she wants, when she wants. She is not old enough to make such choices and it's scary for us when we can't find her. She is going to write a letter of apology to the principal, the after school club supervisor, and everyone else involved.
-edit -
We decided to have our daughter be grounded for two days ...no TV or computers until tomorrow night. It's a total of 2 hours she looses. She knows what she did was wrong. She came up to me this morning and said she was sorry and that she should have had an adult call me when she changed her mind. I explained to her that I was scared because I didn't know where she was.
The grounding isn't as bad as it sounds. She is missing out at the most on an hour of free time... Tv watching, playing outside ....in the evenings. By the time she gets off the bus, we walk home, do her reading homework, eat dinner, shower, do a few simple chores, its bed time.
Quoting Precious333:
I agree. I wouldnt ground my 5 yr old either. They just dont have common sense at that age yet.
Quoting AnGLInterrupted:I would be livid with the school in general and the way they handled things. I wouldn't ground my child for that though. The option to go off in another group should not have even been mentioned to her. It was the responsibility of an adult to say, "Okay, let's call your mom", not hers.
Wow.. I can't believe you grounded her and made her write apology letters to anybody. WTH? She's 5. She may be bright and know what she's supposed to do, but she's still freakin 5. I could see my daughter doing the same thing, and the only people deserving of any backlash would be the adults who gave her the choice of calling you or going to the after school program. They should have just made her call. 5 year olds, no matter how smart they are, don't have the skills to make those kinds of decisions. That's crazy. I feel bad for your daughter for being put in that position and for being punished by you for something she didn't really have all that much control over.
I have to agree with the majority here...I guess I skipped over the grounding paragraoh before...
Your DD did nothing wrong. The adutls gave her a choice. She doesn't know any better. Grounding here is just plain mean.
I personally would not have had an issue with what the school did. As long as my child was still on school grounds and under competent adult supervision, that's all that matters. I don't need to know exactly which room my child is in every minute of his time at school. When I send him to the school, even if it's for an after-school activity, I put a certain level of trust in the adults in charge to take care of my child. With that trust comes a certain level of leeway and empowerment to make reasonable decisions regarding my child in my absense. Sending my child to a different room under adult supervision because of my child's last minute change of mind definitely falls under that empowerment.
If I can't trust the school and the adults put in charge there, then my child doesn't belong at that school in the first place. There are always other options.
OMG! You are this mad and grounded your daughter over going into a different room in the school with adult supervision AND it's a place she goes to with your permission on certain days!!
Get a grip! You said yourself that she is black and white, so she was being black and white about this, she knows it's ok to go to after school care some of the time.... Just not today....
NUTS!
Quoting danarae1976:A lady that helps with the afterschool program saw me leave the bathroom with my son. She know who I am since my daughter goes to afterschool on early out days. The bathrooms aren't in the gym....they are out in the hall way.
Like I said, I couldn't see all the kids in the gym. Some of the smaller kids were blocked by the bigger kids.
She needs to learn that she can't just leave a situation just because she is bored or not having a good time. If they school lets her leave play practice, where is was suppose to be, what are they going to do when she is on a field trip and she decides she doesn't want to be there ? My daughter is the kind that if you let her break the rules once, she is going to do it again and again. Things are black and white with her.... no shades of gray.
I wasn't forcing her to try out. She is the one who came home from school and said she wanted to try out. I told her several times that if she didn't want to try out, I wasn't going to sign the slip giving her permission to try out.... that she would come home and it would just like any other day.
She is grounded because she knew she was suppose to be. Maybe it is a little extreme but she's not your child. She is young, but she is very bright and know right from wrong.
I will not apologize for constantly worrying about her, being over protective or being strict with her. That's what mother's do.
Quoting Cindy18:This is totally different. She was on the school property, wasn't she? In the same building? If it was so chaotic, how did someone see you, see you go into the bathroom with your son, and be able to let your DD know where your were? Sounds like you didn't get angry until you found out where she was, because I would not let 20 minutes go by in a chaotic situation, before I found my child.
And, she is just 5 and she listened to the adult in charge but you still grounded her for not doing what you wanted her to, what you know she knew to do, she is only 5.That's extreme.
Quoting danarae1976:I need to land the rotors ? Excuse me ? She is five years old !! She is a kindergartner !!
NO ONE Told me where she was when I got to the school. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to find her in the crowd of kids. The permission slip said the kids going to try outs have to stay until 5pm when try outs were over !
NO WHERE on the permission slip does it say that kids will be sent to the after school club. I gave permission for her to be at play try outs! I didn't give her permission to go to the afterschool club.
What would you have said, if she was told to go to the afterschool club and they sent her home?
The whole problem I have is that this is the 2nd time the school has taken it upon themselves to send her where they wanted with out notifying me or calling me and asking what I, her mother, wanted !!
Quoting mjande4:This. If she decided that she didn't want to try out for the play then she would be in the way. They sent her to another room on campus. Big deal. It's not like they sent her to walk home by herself. You need to land the rotors.
Quoting RLSMOM59:I think you over reacted just a bit since your child was still on school property. What would have happen if they finished play tryouts before 5pm, where would she go? Of course they person in charge of the tryouts should have known where she had gone and informed you when you got there as to where she was.If she was not interested in trying out and sitting in the tryout room being disruptive, the person in charge had to make a decision. The tryout room is for trying out not after school care. I can she her point also.
Finally, did the lady who sent your child to after school club know what was on the permission slip? It was an honest mistake.
Yes ! I am mad ! Her father is just as mad. She was suppose to be at play try outs ! NOT after school club. She was suppose to be trying out for a play. She wanted to ! I said that was okay. My husband and I basically feel that the school is teaching her it's okay not go against what we, her parents say, by allowing her to go some where with out permission. This time its after school club and next year, it's going to be the park with permission and a few years after that it's a party .
Call me nuts if you want. She is my kid. I make the rules and will punish as I see fit.
Quoting Cindy18:OMG! You are this mad and grounded your daughter over going into a different room in the school with adult supervision AND it's a place she goes to with your permission on certain days!!
Get a grip! You said yourself that she is black and white, so she was being black and white about this, she knows it's ok to go to after school care some of the time.... Just not today....
NUTS!
Quoting danarae1976:A lady that helps with the afterschool program saw me leave the bathroom with my son. She know who I am since my daughter goes to afterschool on early out days. The bathrooms aren't in the gym....they are out in the hall way.
Like I said, I couldn't see all the kids in the gym. Some of the smaller kids were blocked by the bigger kids.
She needs to learn that she can't just leave a situation just because she is bored or not having a good time. If they school lets her leave play practice, where is was suppose to be, what are they going to do when she is on a field trip and she decides she doesn't want to be there ? My daughter is the kind that if you let her break the rules once, she is going to do it again and again. Things are black and white with her.... no shades of gray.
I wasn't forcing her to try out. She is the one who came home from school and said she wanted to try out. I told her several times that if she didn't want to try out, I wasn't going to sign the slip giving her permission to try out.... that she would come home and it would just like any other day.
She is grounded because she knew she was suppose to be. Maybe it is a little extreme but she's not your child. She is young, but she is very bright and know right from wrong.
I will not apologize for constantly worrying about her, being over protective or being strict with her. That's what mother's do.
Quoting Cindy18:This is totally different. She was on the school property, wasn't she? In the same building? If it was so chaotic, how did someone see you, see you go into the bathroom with your son, and be able to let your DD know where your were? Sounds like you didn't get angry until you found out where she was, because I would not let 20 minutes go by in a chaotic situation, before I found my child.
And, she is just 5 and she listened to the adult in charge but you still grounded her for not doing what you wanted her to, what you know she knew to do, she is only 5.That's extreme.
Quoting danarae1976:I need to land the rotors ? Excuse me ? She is five years old !! She is a kindergartner !!
NO ONE Told me where she was when I got to the school. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to find her in the crowd of kids. The permission slip said the kids going to try outs have to stay until 5pm when try outs were over !
NO WHERE on the permission slip does it say that kids will be sent to the after school club. I gave permission for her to be at play try outs! I didn't give her permission to go to the afterschool club.
What would you have said, if she was told to go to the afterschool club and they sent her home?
The whole problem I have is that this is the 2nd time the school has taken it upon themselves to send her where they wanted with out notifying me or calling me and asking what I, her mother, wanted !!
Quoting mjande4:This. If she decided that she didn't want to try out for the play then she would be in the way. They sent her to another room on campus. Big deal. It's not like they sent her to walk home by herself. You need to land the rotors.
Quoting RLSMOM59:I think you over reacted just a bit since your child was still on school property. What would have happen if they finished play tryouts before 5pm, where would she go? Of course they person in charge of the tryouts should have known where she had gone and informed you when you got there as to where she was.If she was not interested in trying out and sitting in the tryout room being disruptive, the person in charge had to make a decision. The tryout room is for trying out not after school care. I can she her point also.
Finally, did the lady who sent your child to after school club know what was on the permission slip? It was an honest mistake.
Yes you will and did punish how you saw fit... Just remember when you put something on-line, you will get all kinds of advice, opinions, and thoughts. MOST will not be what you want to hear. So if all you were after is "OMG, YOU ARE SO RIGHT!" then I would suggest you not put it on-line.
I think you are wrong on this one and you are double talking to make it OK to have flipped out and ground a 5 year old. JMHO.
Quoting danarae1976:Yes ! I am mad ! Her father is just as mad. She was suppose to be at play try outs ! NOT after school club. She was suppose to be trying out for a play. She wanted to ! I said that was okay. My husband and I basically feel that the school is teaching her it's okay not go against what we, her parents say, by allowing her to go some where with out permission. This time its after school club and next year, it's going to be the park with permission and a few years after that it's a party .
Call me nuts if you want. She is my kid. I make the rules and will punish as I see fit.
Quoting Cindy18:OMG! You are this mad and grounded your daughter over going into a different room in the school with adult supervision AND it's a place she goes to with your permission on certain days!!
Get a grip! You said yourself that she is black and white, so she was being black and white about this, she knows it's ok to go to after school care some of the time.... Just not today....
NUTS!
Quoting danarae1976:A lady that helps with the afterschool program saw me leave the bathroom with my son. She know who I am since my daughter goes to afterschool on early out days. The bathrooms aren't in the gym....they are out in the hall way.
Like I said, I couldn't see all the kids in the gym. Some of the smaller kids were blocked by the bigger kids.
She needs to learn that she can't just leave a situation just because she is bored or not having a good time. If they school lets her leave play practice, where is was suppose to be, what are they going to do when she is on a field trip and she decides she doesn't want to be there ? My daughter is the kind that if you let her break the rules once, she is going to do it again and again. Things are black and white with her.... no shades of gray.
I wasn't forcing her to try out. She is the one who came home from school and said she wanted to try out. I told her several times that if she didn't want to try out, I wasn't going to sign the slip giving her permission to try out.... that she would come home and it would just like any other day.
She is grounded because she knew she was suppose to be. Maybe it is a little extreme but she's not your child. She is young, but she is very bright and know right from wrong.
I will not apologize for constantly worrying about her, being over protective or being strict with her. That's what mother's do.
Quoting Cindy18:This is totally different. She was on the school property, wasn't she? In the same building? If it was so chaotic, how did someone see you, see you go into the bathroom with your son, and be able to let your DD know where your were? Sounds like you didn't get angry until you found out where she was, because I would not let 20 minutes go by in a chaotic situation, before I found my child.
And, she is just 5 and she listened to the adult in charge but you still grounded her for not doing what you wanted her to, what you know she knew to do, she is only 5.That's extreme.
Quoting danarae1976:I need to land the rotors ? Excuse me ? She is five years old !! She is a kindergartner !!
NO ONE Told me where she was when I got to the school. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to find her in the crowd of kids. The permission slip said the kids going to try outs have to stay until 5pm when try outs were over !
NO WHERE on the permission slip does it say that kids will be sent to the after school club. I gave permission for her to be at play try outs! I didn't give her permission to go to the afterschool club.
What would you have said, if she was told to go to the afterschool club and they sent her home?
The whole problem I have is that this is the 2nd time the school has taken it upon themselves to send her where they wanted with out notifying me or calling me and asking what I, her mother, wanted !!
Quoting mjande4:This. If she decided that she didn't want to try out for the play then she would be in the way. They sent her to another room on campus. Big deal. It's not like they sent her to walk home by herself. You need to land the rotors.
Quoting RLSMOM59:I think you over reacted just a bit since your child was still on school property. What would have happen if they finished play tryouts before 5pm, where would she go? Of course they person in charge of the tryouts should have known where she had gone and informed you when you got there as to where she was.If she was not interested in trying out and sitting in the tryout room being disruptive, the person in charge had to make a decision. The tryout room is for trying out not after school care. I can she her point also.
Finally, did the lady who sent your child to after school club know what was on the permission slip? It was an honest mistake.
~~ Ella
OK, after reading this, I think you're over reacting. In a previous reply, I thought you were in the gym, talking to the adults, and freaking out because you couldn't see your daughter.
Now it just sounds like you were watching the kids for 20 minutes, and then realized you were wasting your time (when the afterschool program lady stopped you) because your daughter is in another room. So then you freak out.
I'm also sorry that you think there is no grey area when parenting. Kids change their mind when confronted with new situations. She might have thought, oh, being in a play sounds like fun. Then got stage fright when she got there. My son signed up for the play one year, but then realized he didn't like acting. He did follow through and help with props and lighting, but he was older than 5 at that point.....
Also, I don't see how you can compare that situation to a field trip. Obviously the adults watching the field trip aren't going to be able to provide an afterschool care option in that situation.
Quoting danarae1976:A lady that helps with the afterschool program saw me leave the bathroom with my son. She know who I am since my daughter goes to afterschool on early out days. The bathrooms aren't in the gym....they are out in the hall way.
Like I said, I couldn't see all the kids in the gym. Some of the smaller kids were blocked by the bigger kids.
She needs to learn that she can't just leave a situation just because she is bored or not having a good time. If they school lets her leave play practice, where is was suppose to be, what are they going to do when she is on a field trip and she decides she doesn't want to be there ? My daughter is the kind that if you let her break the rules once, she is going to do it again and again. Things are black and white with her.... no shades of gray.
I wasn't forcing her to try out. She is the one who came home from school and said she wanted to try out. I told her several times that if she didn't want to try out, I wasn't going to sign the slip giving her permission to try out.... that she would come home and it would just like any other day.
She is grounded because she knew she was suppose to be. Maybe it is a little extreme but she's not your child. She is young, but she is very bright and know right from wrong.
I will not apologize for constantly worrying about her, being over protective or being strict with her. That's what mother's do.
Quoting RLSMOM59:I think you over reacted just a bit since your child was still on school property. What would have happen if they finished play tryouts before 5pm, where would she go? Of course they person in charge of the tryouts should have known where she had gone and informed you when you got there as to where she was.If she was not interested in trying out and sitting in the tryout room being disruptive, the person in charge had to make a decision. The tryout room is for trying out not after school care. I can she her point also.
Finally, did the lady who sent your child to after school club know what was on the permission slip? It was an honest mistake.
??QOTD?? 5/22/13
- danarae1976
on Mar. 26, 2012 at 11:01 PM