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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

10 year old is brutally honest

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:12 AM
  • 13 Replies
My 10 year old son has to tell me every thought that comes into his head. Plus, he always thinks he has thought or done something he shouldn't have. Lately he says he's sorry that a thought came into his head that I'm fat. I am getting sick of hearing this. Yes, I am overweight, so it hurts my feelings. He doesn't seem to feel the need to tell other people (including my husband) what he's thinking. He saves all of this for me.

He's very caring and generally considerate. He's an only child, so he seems to me to be quite mature (although on the playground he's probably just one of the kids). I don't want to make this bigger than it is, but I want to handle it now so that it doesn't continue. This has been going on for about a month.
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jen113000
by Jenna on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:42 AM

Have you explained to him that it hurts your feelings? If so what does he say when you tell him?

lilypad1971
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:57 AM
He cries and says that he's sorry and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He says he doesn't really think that I'm fat, it's just a thought that comes to him and he feels the need to apologize for the thought. I've told him that we all have bad thoughts sometimes, that we need to focus on good/nice things instead. He understands and says he won't do it again, but then he does.

I told him that I felt that he was putting too much attention on a person's size. He's a big, broad boy and does have a little extra on his frame. I asked him if he was worried about being fat and he nodded yes. I asked him if anyone ever called him fat, and he said no. I asked him how he'd feel if someone did and he said he'd feel bad. I told him that what he says makes me feel bad.

Geesh, he's always been so easy to parent. This is making me feel that I've gone wrong somewhere. I am overly considerate of people's feelings and he's reminding of one of thise people that I try to avoid.
Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:58 AM
3 moms liked this
You've talked to him about it nicely, not its time to add consequences.

IMO..he knows EXACTLY what he's doing, he's being a smart alec and getting away with it. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms to keep it to himself. He's being mean and disrespectful.

He is also probably concerned about your weight and doesn't know a nice way to talk to you about it.

Maybe, since you say you both carry extra weight, you can have n honest talke with DS and come up with a weight loss plan for the pair of you. Pick some healthier meals and get some exercise together.
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nonni2
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with Jinx- . my son(8) is concerned with my weight. My skinny stepdaughter was reading the top 10 ways people die and obesity was number one.  he asked me what obesity was, when i told him, he just hugged me and told me he didn't want me to die.    sometimes the truth hurts.

auroragold
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 6:41 PM
2 moms liked this

Some kids have a hard time with filters -- -it's hard to understand WHEN to filter after we tell them to always tell the truth.

bleumonster
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:14 PM
I would just work on empathy more as well as just keep repeating how we shouldnt comment on people if we don't have anything nice to say. Eventually he will probably learn.
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lilypad1971
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:15 PM
Thanks, I agree a bit with Nonni2, in that my son has lost a Grandma and has a Grandpa who is sick. This has made him worry about health, which we can definitely use as a pathway to being healthier (which is difficult since I'm a sugar addict - have lost 15 lbs so far). He is a worrier, unfortunately.

Thank you Auroragold, I think you kinda got it, and helped me see it a bit clearer. He feels bad about thinking this, even when thinking that our cat is fat. He told me tonight that there was graffiti at school about one of the students being fat. It sounds like it may be a bit of a topic of conversation at school. I told him to say kind things and think about what he says before he speaks to imagine how he would feel if someone spoke those words to him.

I appreciate any more suggestions on helping him understand that we all think bad things sometimes. His guilt is building up, so I think he uses me as his confessional.
kmrtigger
by Kandice on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:43 PM

I also agree with this advice.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

You've talked to him about it nicely, not its time to add consequences.

IMO..he knows EXACTLY what he's doing, he's being a smart alec and getting away with it. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms to keep it to himself. He's being mean and disrespectful.

He is also probably concerned about your weight and doesn't know a nice way to talk to you about it.

Maybe, since you say you both carry extra weight, you can have n honest talke with DS and come up with a weight loss plan for the pair of you. Pick some healthier meals and get some exercise together.


kmrtigger
by Kandice on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:44 PM
1 mom liked this

This is so true. Maybe she could offer some examples of when it's okay to be completely honest and when it isn't. And then role play a few more examples.

Quoting auroragold:

Some kids have a hard time with filters -- -it's hard to understand WHEN to filter after we tell them to always tell the truth.


BaitandSwitch
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 2:00 PM
1 mom liked this

10 is old enough to understand that saying something mean will hurt somebody's feelings, regardless of it being true.  My 9 year old daughter is also brutally honest and I have given her a taste of her own medicine. She quickly garnered that even though something is true, it can be observed and thought but doesnt have to be said.

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