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Tell me this is normal...

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 9:56 PM
  • 10 Replies

I recently became a single mom in October 2011 and had a death in our family 7 months prior that devastated me and my children. Thinking thingss would be better as a single mom, I moved out and its just me and my 6 year old and 3 year old sons. I am now having some serious issues at home with my children. I am frightend it's going to ruin our relationship.. I need some help.

My 6 year old has stopped listening to me, puropsely defying me, frequent behaviors in school, anger,  attitude like you wouldn't believe.. it's become a very frustrating place. It's killing me. I was yelled at constantly as a child.. and this is not the type of mom I want to be remembered as. But, when I'm nice about stating the rules, it's like I didn't even say anything. I'm very stressed out and upset at the end of the night. I feel like I'm always complaining. My son attended grief counseling, which seemed to help. He will also  be starting other counseling next week. I'm praying with all my might that this helps. I'm sure there is a lot of spoiling to be  undone. It's been a hard year for the boys, a lot of changes. I over compensated with material things, wii,  itouch, vacations, special dinners out, movies, a new bed..  and both of them take it all for granted. I grounded them both from all of that kind of stuff for the weekend. Why do I feel like the bad guy? What can I do to save my family? Or is this just going  a stage they're going through and it will pass?

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 9:56 PM
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by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 9:59 PM
Counseling seems like a good route ti go....

Just remember you dont get results right away its going ti take time. Going throygh anything traumatic csn take a long time ti work through....good luck
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by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 10:05 PM

 first of all, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this~ big hugs Momma! talking about how he feels should help some. some kids need an outlet for their frustration at all the changes~ heck, i need an outlet for that kinda stuff and i'm an adult;) i would encourage you to get him involved in some energy draining activity as well~ my kids do gymnastics, but it could be little league, soccer... something that helps him feel like he belongs and feels proud of himself afterwards... A little self esteem can really help a kid;)

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 10:54 PM

Wow, you and your kids have really been through a lot. I think counseling is definitely the right course of action. Please update us on how things progress.

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:56 AM
The only that doesn't sound normal is the losses you have had. I am married and really have everything we could ever need and my son who will be 6 in Sept. sounds similair.

I will say that I really feel like boys have a very different relationship with their mothers. My son can curl up and snuggle with me and then consistently not listen to me. I just stand strong and don't give in. I love the way ( I heard ) you said as soon as you give them and inch, they take a mile.

We do exactly what you do spoil our son, but we expect a lot also. He has chores and must do well in school.
I agree with others, it takes time to see the results.

Hope this helps, thing should get better now that you guys are getting over all of the changes. You could also talk with your child's Thearpist. I know that they can not discuss what in said in their session, but the Thearpist could give you parenting advice.

Know we are here for you if we can help in anyway.
Being a good parent is a very hard job! Hope it gets easier soon. Please also take time for yourself, try to get out with friends and relax.
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:58 AM
I agree that some is just 6 year old boy behavior. We are working through similar issues. It is not easy!!
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by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 2:30 AM

my son did this when i took him and moved out of our house and left his father. He did eventually stop  and is much better now

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 10:38 PM

I would think it's a responce to the divorce,and the death,and that if you can just try to stay calm and consistant it will improve,especially since he will be getting some therapy. Is his Dad available to him?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:23 AM

No.. no daddy. It's such a shame because he is an amazing kid. We started therapy Monday, which seemed  like  it got off to a good start. I just have to remember it's not going to be a quick fix and to be patient with it.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:28 AM

Thank you for your support.. seriously from the bottom of my heart. I don't really have this support from my own family.. so thank you!

It is tough. I thought when we moved that everything would get easier, but it seemed to only get more difficult. We met with the therapist Monday and seemed to go well for a first visit. And I think once a week will help. We also just started attending a gym. I take the kids to a program for an hour to play with other children while I work out, which has made me feel a lot better. After I work out, I take them swimming. My son is so proud of himself and how well he does, so I'm hoping this is theraputic to him.

I just have to learn all this can not be fixed over night and I need to be consistent. Thank you again! I will keep updates.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:34 AM

Thank you for your support. I am a new member. I turned here thinking I'd get some advice, but the support is amazing! I don't feel so lost, as I know there are other moms going through similar, if not worse situations as me.

We just joined a gym on Saturday. I work out for an hour while the kids are able to play with other children. Then I go get them and take them swimming. We did this 3 nights in a row. My son is very proud of how well he can swim so I hope this is theraputic to him. I know I feel better after working out. 

I know this is process that is going to take time .. just hate to see my children be so sad and I want it better for them. I also started a behavior chart and found caught you coupons. He is quick to remember the chart and asks about if he was good enough to get a ticket lol.

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