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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Would you please help me deal with my 4 year old not listening, making me angry?

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:21 PM
  • 44 Replies

I would LOVE tips to help me keep cool/not lose my temper when my girl doesn't listen to me. I try to let her know why I need her to stop (doing something) or to please (do something). I then let her know (after not listening) that I'm getting upset, or angry, or whatever. She just doesn't seem to CARE, and truly doesn't seem to even HEAR me at times!

 

It's sooo frustrating. I'm looking up ways to not lose my temper right now, that's got to be first. I scream, kick things, hit things. I can't do this! So Please help me by letting me know the ways you've successfully dealt with this situation? SO APPRECIATED!!!

by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ArmyWife0105
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:22 PM

I am curious to see the responses. My almost 5 year old (birthday next week) is the same way.

Proud army wife, mommy of two beautiful girls, and expecting a handsome little man!
pregnancy
CrazedMomof2
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 Well, my 9 year old has been getting the best of me lately. Wish I had some insight.

I feel like I've tried everything myself.

M4LG5
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:25 PM
2 moms liked this

I'd make her stop by going over there, picking her up and moving her somewhere else, bend down to her eye level and say with a stern voice, "I SAID STOP!" Then walk away without saying anything else.

If she goes back, do it again.

M4LG5
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:27 PM


Quoting CrazedMomof2:

 Well, my 9 year old has been getting the best of me lately. Wish I had some insight.

I feel like I've tried everything myself.

My sister has always claimed that the odd numbers in ages are harder than the even numbers.  So far....I agree.  Annelise has been GREAT for most of her 8th year but 7 was hard!!  I don't want her turning 9.

Karen_S
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

When my DD is getting to be just too much, and I feel like I'm going to lose it, I give myself a time out  (only if we're at home).  I tell her that I need to calm myself down, and that I'm giving myself a time out.  I don't do it in such a way that I blame her, I just say it. Then I go to my room and take some deep breaths, and just give myself a few minutes to calm down. Then when I'm ready to handle things calmly, I come back out.  

What I like about this is 1) it gives me the time I need to make better parenting decisions (less yelling); and 2) it models for her a good approach she can use on herself when she gets too upset.  So my DD sees a better way of handlng getting angry and getting upset than to yell and argue. 

(and she's old enough, and the house we live in is safe enough, that my 5 year old can be alone in the house for 4-5 minutes while I am in my room)

xXblackanjelXx
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:29 PM

Patience is key. The children are at a young age and they feel they want to be independent because they are experiencing the world for the first time. When I had my son, Todd, he was a lot like this. So, I went to a child counselor. She called the stage a "pre-pre-teen stage". The way the child acts in this stage is very similar to the way teenagers act (being independent, not wanting to do what you tell them, etc.) Try creating new methods of getting them to do something, like rewarding them after they do it. Keep a behavior chart and track their progression of obeying..take away stickers or marks to show they've been good when they're bad. The last thing you can do is to make up silly stories. Sometimes this puts a (safe) fear in them to do what they're told (i.e. If you don't do what I tell you to do, mushrooms will grow out of your ears).

mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:47 PM

I watched the DVD (from my library) called 1, 2, 3 Magic.   It helped me recognize situations where I perhaps was not following through on my discipline and allowing my children to ignore what I was asking them to do.  One of my children listens great. The other one does not follow multistep directions or is easily distracted (she is special needs) so 1, 2, 3 actually helps me more than her... sometimes I am the one that needs to count to 3 to keep my cool. And it gives her up to 3 chances to modify her behavior before I step in to physically guide her to the activity that needs to be done (like taking her hand to lead her to the bathroom to brush her teeth so she won't be late for school.)

RLSMOM59
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 5:06 PM

Sorry to say but you have about 17 more years for this.

Actually she does hear you but she wants to do it on her time, not yours. Depending on what you are asking her, maybe start early or give her a time limit. Please do this beofre the timer goes off. Once the timer goes off and it is not do, then mommy will help or do it and you will lose XXX time of tv, video game or play time.

GL :-)

rhymia
by Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 5:56 PM

I love both 123 Magic and Love & Logic for Discipline ideas. I also recommend the book  "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" it has a lot of great tools. I don't subscribe to one philosophy over another, but utilize what makes sense for the situation.

I will say this - when I notice that I am really getting unusually annoyed at a child's behavior I try to take a critical look at what is going on *before* the incidents. Most often I find that Iam the one who is not following through and allowing the situation to escalate. Or that the child was unaware of the "rules" and I ass/u/me they know...

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 6:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Whenever I begin to feel frustrated and angry over something with my child, I give us both a time out to calm down and think about how we could have handled it better.  Just getting away from the child and the situation for a moment or two usually calms me down so that I can deal with the situation objectively.

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