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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Would you please help me deal with my 4 year old not listening, making me angry?

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I would LOVE tips to help me keep cool/not lose my temper when my girl doesn't listen to me. I try to let her know why I need her to stop (doing something) or to please (do something). I then let her know (after not listening) that I'm getting upset, or angry, or whatever. She just doesn't seem to CARE, and truly doesn't seem to even HEAR me at times!

 

It's sooo frustrating. I'm looking up ways to not lose my temper right now, that's got to be first. I scream, kick things, hit things. I can't do this! So Please help me by letting me know the ways you've successfully dealt with this situation? SO APPRECIATED!!!

by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:21 PM
Replies (11-20):
emandab
by New Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 6:48 PM

If I'm losing my cool I remove myself from the situation as best I can.  Most times I will pick my 4yr old up and just take her to her room and shut the door.  She's in trouble so it's a time out for her and I'm not yelling at her cause I'm in another room cooling off.  I have anger issues too, so that helps me.  I go back a couple minutes later level headed and ready to appropiately handle the situation.  

blue52
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 6:51 PM

 I am sorry that you are going thru a difficult time.

I normally dont post much on this group and I am going to be honest...

 I think before you can work on dealing with your daughter you need to work on your anger issues. You mentioned that you need help, and that you are looking up information....that is good.

Whenever you feel so much anger you need to remove your self from the area....STOP>>>BREATHE>>>>and COUNT TO TEN>>>>>>> calm down....

As for the post below that I quoted....you are the Mom. We all have had days we wished we could sleep in and it just doesnt happen. I would ask yourself a few questions.

Do you go to bed early...like after she is asleep so you too can get rest. She is a 4yr old and that means she is probably bubbly with energy. I dont mean not to stay up late I am just saying maybe you need to adjust your schedule. My son is ADHD. When he was little he was up literally 20 out of 24 hours. I learned that whenever he did fall asleep..to go to sleep too...

I dont think it was okay to act that way toward your daughter. DIdnt you mention she acted afraid of you? That is not good...screaming is not good for any child. Kicking and throwing things can be dangerous.

Im getting the fealing you are frustrated with your daughter. She is only 4.. she cant help adult problems. Yes, she needs to behave but sometimes kids act out because at that age they dont know how to express their feelings....and she probably doesnt understand what she has done to make Mommy mad...

Have you considered counseling for yourself or at least go for a check up with your doctor for yourself..This situation is only wrong if you dont get help and continue...

I hope you dont take this as harsh...EVERYONE has problems and needs help sometimes. I am sure once you get some help with your anger issues that taking care of her will not be as bad as it seemed..

Good Luck!!

BLUE

 

 

 

 

Quoting LorianneCG:

Picture this; this morn i woke at 5:30. I wanted to go back to sleep until 8; my wakeup time. We've got a new kitten who sleeps in our room. My girl also woke, and would not go back to sleep; kitten was playing with her bed. I expressed I need quiet to get more sleep, it's too early, and more. She kept giggling, I was getting upset and told her, and left the room 2 different times, trying to go back to sleep in my bed after I returned. I was getting angrier. Didn't make a difference. I hit her bed with a very angry look in my eyes, I started getting physical with THINGS in the room. I never got back to sleep. I was very angry the whole time until after I left her at daycare. Things were quite bad inside the building too, on our way out, I was kicking her backpack because she wouldn't carry it, and also because I wanted to go and she'd lie down in the hallway. She was afraid to come near me. PLEASE help me QUICKLY calm down from a surge of anger so I can think of a better way to deal w/a situation such as this.

 

cawmom
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this
I duct taped my son 2 inches off the floorwhen hedid that henever did it again and when he does I just grab the tape
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mom22tumblebugs
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 8:01 PM

ha ha ha ha.  Sometimes when you are seeing red, you need to refind your sense of humor.

Good one. Cawmom. :)

Quoting cawmom:

I duct taped my son 2 inches off the floorwhen hedid that henever did it again and when he does I just grab the tape


ddhb2007
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 8:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting LorianneCG:

Picture this; this morn i woke at 5:30. I wanted to go back to sleep until 8; my wakeup time. We've got a new kitten who sleeps in our room. My girl also woke, and would not go back to sleep; kitten was playing with her bed. I expressed I need quiet to get more sleep, it's too early, and more. She kept giggling, I was getting upset and told her, and left the room 2 different times, trying to go back to sleep in my bed after I returned. I was getting angrier. Didn't make a difference. I hit her bed with a very angry look in my eyes, I started getting physical with THINGS in the room. I never got back to sleep. I was very angry the whole time until after I left her at daycare. Things were quite bad inside the building too, on our way out, I was kicking her backpack because she wouldn't carry it, and also because I wanted to go and she'd lie down in the hallway. She was afraid to come near me. PLEASE help me QUICKLY calm down from a surge of anger so I can think of a better way to deal w/a situation such as this.




You are allowing yourself to get out of control. You nurse the anger into building instead of allowing it to flow away. There's nothing wrong with the emotion, but you're letting it control you. Walk away, find something good to focus on about the situation, and let the anger wash over you instead of holding it tight like a security blanket.
RLSMOM59
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 8:53 PM

So you are mad that you got a kitten that she wants to play with so she wakes up early therefore you are not able to go back to sleep. Is this my understanding?

Quoting LorianneCG:

Picture this; this morn i woke at 5:30. I wanted to go back to sleep until 8; my wakeup time. We've got a new kitten who sleeps in our room. My girl also woke, and would not go back to sleep; kitten was playing with her bed. I expressed I need quiet to get more sleep, it's too early, and more. She kept giggling, I was getting upset and told her, and left the room 2 different times, trying to go back to sleep in my bed after I returned. I was getting angrier. Didn't make a difference. I hit her bed with a very angry look in my eyes, I started getting physical with THINGS in the room. I never got back to sleep. I was very angry the whole time until after I left her at daycare. Things were quite bad inside the building too, on our way out, I was kicking her backpack because she wouldn't carry it, and also because I wanted to go and she'd lie down in the hallway. She was afraid to come near me. PLEASE help me QUICKLY calm down from a surge of anger so I can think of a better way to deal w/a situation such as this.


CrazedMomof2
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 10:31 PM

The last few months have been ROUGH around here. UGH

Quoting M4LG5:


Quoting CrazedMomof2:

 Well, my 9 year old has been getting the best of me lately. Wish I had some insight.

I feel like I've tried everything myself.

My sister has always claimed that the odd numbers in ages are harder than the even numbers.  So far....I agree.  Annelise has been GREAT for most of her 8th year but 7 was hard!!  I don't want her turning 9.




*Sandra* Mom of 3
*Ask me about my custom made breastfeeding covers!!!*

aetrom
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:00 AM
Well this may help but I have a strong willed child who has proven already by 6 that he does not HAVE to do anything! Reminds me of me in that regard and from what I am seeing I have 2. ;) I recently read a neat book to put it in perspective called "you can't make me but I van be persuaded" i am not done yet and it is more theory than practical steps but it might help.

One thing that really helped us was giving more control....

Regarding the specific situation I would have said why don't you take the kitty to ---- and shut the door so you can play and I can still sleep okay?" if you did not have a place to do that I would have said "be quiet or I will take the kitty and lOck her in the bathroom I need more sleep. " and then the second time just remove the kitty.

Less chances keep my anger down, logical consequences and following through.
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JasonsMom2007
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:10 AM

My son goes to his room when he is starting to meltdown but before the violence begins.  Usually I have to pick him up and carry him there very calmly.  It gives both of us time to calm down.

And how about a reward chart for good behavior?  I've gone through so many different ones with my son and nothing ever worked.  He loves this one though...

http://www.paintedgold.com/Kids/reward-charts1.pdf

the trick is finding a reward she is willing to work for!

Use natural consequences as much as possible and work on your anger.  You might really benefit from a parenting class as well.  There is nothing wrong with seeking help.  Take it from someone whose son is being evaluated for autism.  Seeking help is the best thing I ever did!

MommyJDTJ
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:11 AM

I'm right there with you. My 4 year old doe sthe same things. Let me know if you figure it out!

 



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