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"You're not my friend!"

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:40 PM
  • 7 Replies

At what point does this behavior stop being normal/typical?

Say a couple of girls start out as friends and getting along. As time passes one starts telling the other they don't like them or aren't their friend(normal on occasion). It eventually becomes a daily thing with some name calling added in. Then starts saying it and other things like "I'm ignoring you" several times in one day, everyday, for weeks. By this time the other girl is reacting to it and saying things back. When the fighting becomes a daily occurance, do you still consider it normal/typical behavior, or do think this situation needs to end? Do you think a parent needs to step in and say enough and end the relationship? 

I know it is often normal for siblings to fight like this, but what about kids who don't live together, are not related. Would you let the relationship continue, or end it because it is stressing your child out?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:40 PM
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Replies (1-7):
chinosruca
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:43 PM
Some kids are not meant to be friends. As adults we are not friends with everyone, are we? Kids just say it as it is.
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Pukalani79
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:57 PM

 That happens about 4 days a week with my daughter and her friends.  (They're 8) It's a toxic friendship but we can't get my daughter to see that.  Unfortunately she has an anxiety disorder and this is really causeing some problems!

daiseymae2
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:07 PM


Quoting chinosruca:

Some kids are not meant to be friends. As adults we are not friends with everyone, are we? Kids just say it as it is.

I completely agree. But what if one of the parents(the instigators parent) keeps telling the girls they are best friends while the other parent tells her child she doesn't have to be friends with the other girl. Would you take the steps to avoid the other girl and her parent?

daiseymae2
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:17 PM


Quoting Pukalani79:

 That happens about 4 days a week with my daughter and her friends.  (They're 8) It's a toxic friendship but we can't get my daughter to see that.  Unfortunately she has an anxiety disorder and this is really causeing some problems!

Mine has some anxiety issues. The stress is causing some unhealthy behavior changes and sleep issues. I can remove her from the situation completely and have been trying to limit the time they have together for the past few weeks. But the stress is really getting to her. She's 6. The other mom thinks this is normal behavior, and my child is too sensative. It's frustrating to deal with.

chinosruca
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:17 PM
I would tell the parents that our kids are not meant to be friends. I actually had to do that. Last night my daughter saw this girl for the first time in nearly a year. They got along ok, but I have no plans of setting up a playdate for them.

Quoting daiseymae2:


Quoting chinosruca:

Some kids are not meant to be friends. As adults we are not friends with everyone, are we? Kids just say it as it is.

I completely agree. But what if one of the parents(the instigators parent) keeps telling the girls they are best friends while the other parent tells her child she doesn't have to be friends with the other girl. Would you take the steps to avoid the other girl and her parent?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:21 PM

Like others have said, not everyone is friends and I would be encouraging my child to find another friend and ignore the other girl.  I'm not sure how one parent would have the opportunity to tell the children that they are best friends.  If there is an ongoing problem between the girls and you are keeping your child away for the hater, then hater's mom shouldn't be spending time alone with your child either.  KWIM?

daiseymae2
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:30 PM

We all walk to and from school and live on the same street. In order to avoid the situation completely, I would have to drive. We live close to the school, so walking is more feasable than driving. When it's nice out all the kids ride scooters or bikes, so she isn't right next to me all the time. We used to walk as a group, but that changed recently.

ETA* And the other mom won't tell her child to stay away because she thinks it's normal behavior. There was a conflict at school because my DD was trying to avoid hers, and they ended up having words that ended in my DD getting hit on the butt by the other girl.

Quoting steelcrazy:

Like others have said, not everyone is friends and I would be encouraging my child to find another friend and ignore the other girl.  I'm not sure how one parent would have the opportunity to tell the children that they are best friends.  If there is an ongoing problem between the girls and you are keeping your child away for the hater, then hater's mom shouldn't be spending time alone with your child either.  KWIM?


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