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Are we crazy? Long but help is needed

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:24 AM
  • 40 Replies

Okay, I will try to make this short.  I have two sons in school, a 5 year old in pre-k and a 6 year old in Kindergarten.  The often times go out to recess at the same time.  A few months ago the 6 year old told us that another child had pushed his face into the sand and he had swallowed dirt.  We asked if he told the teacher and he said yes but that the teacher didn't get the other kid in trouble.  We didn't do anything about it because we figured maybe he just didn't see the teacher talk to the other boy so no big deal she surely did.  Fast forward to last week and the 5 year old comes home with a bandaid on his hand and when asked what happened he said a kid in Kindergarten pushed him down and when he said the name it was the same boy that had done that to my older son.  We asked the pre-k teacher if she had seen what had happened and she said no but she would ask the aid and let us know the next day.  Then the next day both kids came home and said the same child pushed the pre-k son again and when they told the aid she told him to stop pushing but when she walked away he said to my 6 year old that he better get his brother to move then or he would show him what hurt is.  My kids didn't know that this meant so they didn't say anything to the teacher.

Then later that day a friend called me and asked if whe had ever had any problems on recess because her daughter was coming home crying each day and she had started asking other parents and about 7 had said they had issues with excessive agression(just in general, not all the one boy) and excessive meanness.  I told DH and he said two parents had asked him that a few months ago and at that point he had said no and thought nothing more of it. 

It was after school hours and I kjnow how busy a teacher's day can be so I decided to email the kindergarten teacher to find out what was going on with my kids and the one boy and then also to see if maybe a group of parents could meet with her and the principal to discuss concerns.  I was very careful with my wording in the letter to make sure it stated that we didn't in any way feel the teachers were purposely letting things slide, that I knew how hard it could be with so many children, and that maybe parents could sign up to help out with duty to take some of the load off of the teachers with so many kids, ect.  I had one of my sisters who is a principal and one who is a teacher proofread it to make sure it sounded okay. 

The next day the teacher called me to talk about it.  She said that the two times my younger son had been pushed was in a game of football so he may have been pushed or may have just fallen but that was to be expected.  I completely agree and understand that so we had a long talk with the kids about rough games like football or chase and how when you want to play them you may get pushed because that is part of the game so now they understand that isn't something to be upset or tell about.  As for the comment by the boy about showing what hurt is she said that student did tend to make in-appropriate comments and that she had talked to him before but that it had to do with his parenting so there wasn't a lot she could do.  She also said she clearly remembers when my 6 year old got his face shoved into the sand and he came and told her and she told him if you choose to play with a rough kid that is what happens so if you don't like it you should go play with somebody else.  This is also the response she gave another child who told of being kicked.  She said all of this is normal behavior for 5 and 6 year old children and that it wasn't a problem.  They are rough and that is the way they are at that age.  She said that no other parents have come forward so it isn't a problem, that she just addressed my concerns with the one child, and that they watched very closely for anything in-appropriate so I didn't need to worry.

Okay, so here is our question.  DH and I, as well as a few other parents, feel that the students are being allowed to get away with too much.  I have two boys ages 5 and 6 so believe me, I know how rough they are, lol.  When they are playing rough games like ball or chase or screwing around I tell them just as she did that if they don't want to risk getting hurt they need to not play that game.  That is when they are playing though.  When one of my kids gets aggressive or mean to the other by hitting, kicking, etc, they are told that isn't okay and to stop and apologize.  To us there is a difference between rough play and being mean and agressive.  Yes, kids that age will often lash out by hitting or kicking or something, but that doesn't mean it is okay and it is a time to teach them that isn't an okay response or action.  Are we wrong and being to protective and living in some sort of bubble, or is there a line and are they letting kids cross it and get away with too much? 

by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WheelerWife
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:33 AM
4 moms liked this
"if you choose to play with a rough kid that is what happens" OMFG She seriously told you that that was her response to your child being bullied? Time to move up the chain of authority.

I have three sons and they have NEVER done any of those things to other kids, let alone get away with any kind of meanness towards other kids. Normal behavior my a$$.

I'm so pissed for you right now I'm gonna have to come back when I cool off. :(
andyroosmama
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:38 AM
1 mom liked this

 This kid needs a good butt whooping and so do his parents and the teacher should be fired... I have 3 boys, and the 8 & 6yr olds are more aggressive than the 14yr old. Yes, boys play rough, but there is a fine line between playing rough and being mean. My bestie's daughter(4) bites, hits, kicks, slaps, what not when she is told no or doesn't get her way... I have seen her do all of the above to her mom... and I swatted her behind... Its not acceptable behavior... and bestie's dh thinks its "cute" when she does it... ok well let her do all of that to you... this mama doesn't put up with it.

countrygirlkat
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:38 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting WheelerWife:

"if you choose to play with a rough kid that is what happens" OMFG She seriously told you that that was her response to your child being bullied? Time to move up the chain of authority.

I have three sons and they have NEVER done any of those things to other kids, let alone get away with any kind of meanness towards other kids. Normal behavior my a$$.

I'm so pissed for you right now I'm gonna have to come back when I cool off. :(

Yes, that is exactly what she said.  She also said that bully was way too strong of a word and I shouldn't use it.  Thank you for letting me know this isn't okay.  I was speechless on the phone with her and didn't even know what to think.  I got off the phone and told DH what she said and he was livid.  We have been trying to talk to the other parents who say they have similar stories and get them to either go with us to meet with the teacher and the principal or get them to write letters too so that we can start working our way up the chain of command.  I was just getting cold feet tonight and thought maybe we were just dillusional and were expecting more of our kids then was possible or something. 

countrygirlkat
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:44 AM

Our problem isn't so much with that child anymore as with what obviously any child is allowed to get away with.  I have even heard from one parent that her child told her that particular boy was picked on a lot in the fall so chances are he was just doing what he saw others doing to him.  I would have been completely fine with them telling him it was not okay at all to push a child's face in the sand and having a talk with him and his parents about his comments because at this age I honestly think that may have been enough and he would be cool because he plays with my kids many other days with no problems(it is a really small school).  Honestly, our major problem is that this teacher and according to other parents, the other kindergarten teacher, seem to think this is all normal and it doesn't deserve the students being punished or talked to when it happens. 

Quoting andyroosmama:

 This kid needs a good butt whooping and so do his parents and the teacher should be fired... I have 3 boys, and the 8 & 6yr olds are more aggressive than the 14yr old. Yes, boys play rough, but there is a fine line between playing rough and being mean. My bestie's daughter(4) bites, hits, kicks, slaps, what not when she is told no or doesn't get her way... I have seen her do all of the above to her mom... and I swatted her behind... Its not acceptable behavior... and bestie's dh thinks its "cute" when she does it... ok well let her do all of that to you... this mama doesn't put up with it.


WheelerWife
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:46 AM
1 mom liked this
You are soooooooo not delusional. What that boy is doing to you boys is 100% bullying.

At my sons' school even just the verbal bullying your boys had to suffer through would've gotten that kid suspended at the very least, bad parenting or no. And btw what's up with that bs? Never in my life have I heard such a lame excuse.

Someone (at your sons' school) needs to get their head out of their behind. I feel so badly for your boys and the other kids that have to put up with all this. :(

Good luck!!!
andyroosmama
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:46 AM

 Ummmm did you point out that this is usually how bullying starts? It is usually some rough play... and then escalates... so when you decide to sideline her stupid ass, it will be she is in the momma playground and needs to have her big girl granny panties on... if it were my child, it would be on like donkey kong... This mama does NOT play well with meanies and neither does my Ain' Shael...

andyroosmama
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:54 AM

 It doesn't matter that he had it done to him before... we all have been taught that 2 wrongs don't make a right... that being said, his parents need to have their butts whooped, teacher should be gone... my youngest is SN, and in Kinder... He has had one iincident with another child in the classroom. The teacher actually removed the other boy and called his parents and they brushed it off like it was nothing, then after that the same day, conference with the school principal... they were told to either get him to comply with class rules and leave my child alone or he would be suspended from school the rest of the year. I am glad the school takes bullying seriously where I live...

Quoting countrygirlkat:

Our problem isn't so much with that child anymore as with what obviously any child is allowed to get away with.  I have even heard from one parent that her child told her that particular boy was picked on a lot in the fall so chances are he was just doing what he saw others doing to him.  I would have been completely fine with them telling him it was not okay at all to push a child's face in the sand and having a talk with him and his parents about his comments because at this age I honestly think that may have been enough and he would be cool because he plays with my kids many other days with no problems(it is a really small school).  Honestly, our major problem is that this teacher and according to other parents, the other kindergarten teacher, seem to think this is all normal and it doesn't deserve the students being punished or talked to when it happens. 

Quoting andyroosmama:

 This kid needs a good butt whooping and so do his parents and the teacher should be fired... I have 3 boys, and the 8 & 6yr olds are more aggressive than the 14yr old. Yes, boys play rough, but there is a fine line between playing rough and being mean. My bestie's daughter(4) bites, hits, kicks, slaps, what not when she is told no or doesn't get her way... I have seen her do all of the above to her mom... and I swatted her behind... Its not acceptable behavior... and bestie's dh thinks its "cute" when she does it... ok well let her do all of that to you... this mama doesn't put up with it.


 

countrygirlkat
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:59 AM

Thank you.  My big fear is that the other parents who are complaining have issues that have nothing to do with this one kid, so basically that tells me that this behavior is widespread and all the kids are getting away with it so why not act that way, know what I mean?  My boys are pretty oblivious(aren't all males, lol) and they aren't really affected by it yet, they just mention in passing ways what happens and it was DH and I who were like wait, what is going on.  If it is allowed to continue though and more and more kids are doing it then I could see them starting to not want to go or even getting the idea that it was okay and both are not okay with me.  I feel really sorry for my one friend who says her daughter comes home crying almost every day about verbal bullying. 

Quoting WheelerWife:

You are soooooooo not delusional. What that boy is doing to you boys is 100% bullying.

At my sons' school even just the verbal bullying your boys had to suffer through would've gotten that kid suspended at the very least, bad parenting or no. And btw what's up with that bs? Never in my life have I heard such a lame excuse.

Someone (at your sons' school) needs to get their head out of their behind. I feel so badly for your boys and the other kids that have to put up with all this. :(

Good luck!!!


countrygirlkat
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:04 AM

I absolutely agree that two wrongs don't make a right and that this boy's behavior needs to stop.  My point was just that if the teachers had been strict and not let his tormenters get away with it then he wouldn't think it was okay and acceptable and this all could have been stopped if they were just strict from the beginning and not let any kids get away with this sort of thing.  More then likely his parents don't have any clue he has ever done any of this because the teacher doesn't communicate anything good or bad with the parents of any student.  It has been like pully teeth this year for me to try to feel like I had any sort of open line of communication with the teacher because she is just really hard for parents to talk to. 

Quoting andyroosmama:

 It doesn't matter that he had it done to him before... we all have been taught that 2 wrongs don't make a right... that being said, his parents need to have their butts whooped, teacher should be gone... my youngest is SN, and in Kinder... He has had one iincident with another child in the classroom. The teacher actually removed the other boy and called his parents and they brushed it off like it was nothing, then after that the same day, conference with the school principal... they were told to either get him to comply with class rules and leave my child alone or he would be suspended from school the rest of the year. I am glad the school takes bullying seriously where I live...

Quoting countrygirlkat:

Our problem isn't so much with that child anymore as with what obviously any child is allowed to get away with.  I have even heard from one parent that her child told her that particular boy was picked on a lot in the fall so chances are he was just doing what he saw others doing to him.  I would have been completely fine with them telling him it was not okay at all to push a child's face in the sand and having a talk with him and his parents about his comments because at this age I honestly think that may have been enough and he would be cool because he plays with my kids many other days with no problems(it is a really small school).  Honestly, our major problem is that this teacher and according to other parents, the other kindergarten teacher, seem to think this is all normal and it doesn't deserve the students being punished or talked to when it happens. 

Quoting andyroosmama:

 This kid needs a good butt whooping and so do his parents and the teacher should be fired... I have 3 boys, and the 8 & 6yr olds are more aggressive than the 14yr old. Yes, boys play rough, but there is a fine line between playing rough and being mean. My bestie's daughter(4) bites, hits, kicks, slaps, what not when she is told no or doesn't get her way... I have seen her do all of the above to her mom... and I swatted her behind... Its not acceptable behavior... and bestie's dh thinks its "cute" when she does it... ok well let her do all of that to you... this mama doesn't put up with it.


 


countrygirlkat
by Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 9:54 AM

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