Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

sexual assault on my 9 year old

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:29 PM
  • 18 Replies

ok here we go...the other day I get a phone call from the local police department and what she said to me almost knocked me on the floor. She said that there was a report to social services but they could not get involved because what had happened didn't happen with a family member. She continued on saying that a boy (age10)  from my 9 year old school (and lives near us) went to the guidance counselor's office and told her that he was being harassed by another boy (age 8) at school (also lives near us) for not being able to get it on with Tara (my daughter) and that both the boys had tried kissing her at the playground near our house and they also tried to get her to show her private parts, which she did not and then he said she left. Well my daughter, her dad and myself had to go to the police station so they could question the victim (Tara) first. My daughter would not admit to anything other than them trying to kiss her. The detective then had the 10yr old boy and his father come to the station and he said that him and the other boy wanted to "hump" Tara.  And they got her to come to the park and took turns trying to kiss her but failed because she would say no and would not let them. That boy also said it was the other boys (8yr old) idea to try to "hump" her. I tried again to talk to my daughter about what had happened and she still claims that they only tried to kiss her. The detective then met with the 8yrs old boy and he said that on another occasion they convinced Tara to go into the 10yr old boys house with no parents and said that they took turns being the watch out person and that they had their shirts on but their pants off and they each tried to "hump" Tara but yet again my daughter would not let them he said and then she ran out the door. After getting that information from the detective I tried again to get Tara to tell me something ...anything but she just wont. She did almost come to tears once and I told her that even if they threatened her it would be ok and that mom and dad would never let them hurt her or anything she loves. So as of now we have her in a counseling session once a week and she also sees her guidance counselor. They boys have been put on the other side of the bus because they ride the same bus to school and the school has a plan in place as to where they are not allowed near my child. I guess I am wondering what to do next. I have always kept an eye on her and I am not sure when she would have been able to go into the boys house because I almost always now where she is and she has a phone and she calls me at designated times. Do I get a restraining order against the boys? That way they would probably have to change schools. Do I get child protective services involved? My daughter still wont tell me if what was alleged actually happened and I was told not to push it. I have had "the talk" with all my kids starting when they are about 5-6yrs old and repeat it every year and explain to my girls what their parts are and what parts boys have and how they will start to menstruate and so on...What do I do? Oh and they cant be charged with anything unless they were12yrs old!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:29 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:38 PM
Wow, that's very disturbing! I would be furious if that had happened to my daughter. Good for her trying to stand up for herself.

At 8 and 10 years old, those boys are old enough to know better. I have to wonder where the one boy's parents were when he assaulted your daughter in his house(s)? Why was a 10 year old left home alone? I have a 9 year old son, and he is never left home alone.

I hope there is going to be some consequences other than the boys being moved to the other side of the bus. What good does that do?? What does the school plan on doing to ensure your daughter's safety while she's outside at recess, etc?

Have you talked to the parents of the boys? I'd love to know what they have to say.

In the meantime, if I were you, I would not let my daughter out of the house unsupervised, with those boys living nearby.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you've done all you can for right now. You've gotten your dd into counseling and have let her know she can talk to you w/o getting into any trouble. The school is dealing w/ the boys (they won't be allowed to tell you how). An extra hug at bedtime can sometimes do wonders, even if they don't seem to show it.






by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:35 PM

Yes to the restraining order and yes to child protective services.  Most times, when kids this young are doing these kinds of acts on others, its because things have been done to THEM.  I think its time to call protective services on both of these boys and have the families investigated and see what kind of can of worms will open up.  I think a restraining order is in deed something I would be getting if she were my daughter.  These kids should not be any where NEAR her ever again.  I am concerned about these boys...this is not going to be a one time thing, meaning some other young girl...or OLDER girl once they become teens, will be raped...these boys need an intervention.  Happy to hear that your daughter is in therapy.  Sexual abuse is such a hard thing because it will be burried...the one who buries it the most is the victim.  In time, when your daughter feels safe, and she knows that its not a SECRET, she will talk.  it will take some time her time, I think you are doing the right thing...but those boys should not be near her and SHE should not be the one to change her lifestyle...THEY are.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:38 PM
2 moms liked this

Put her in martial arts.  She needs to learn to stand up for herself.

How to find a good martial arts studio.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this
That is so disturbing. But what will children's services do? Look into the boys' home etc? I think something needs to be done but I don't know about restraining orders.
Can you put her in another school, or find another way to get her to and from school? Good luck honey, what a nightmare!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:40 PM

Having a 7 going on 8 year old son I can not fathom a child that young thinking to do things like that. There is definitely something going on in those boys lives that need some looking into, they most likely need help themselves which is extremely sad, however, not your problem. Honestly I feel that making her see these boys every single day is horrible. I understand that she shouldn't be the one to have to change schools or alter her life in any way but there is only so much you can do about them, what you can do is control what happens here on out with your daughter...and not having to face her attackers everyday I think is a huge start.

I am so sorry you are your family are going through this and I hope your daughter is able to find the strength in yourself to get through this, no child deserves to have to deal with that. :(

by Mikki on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:35 PM

Quoting wakymom:

I think you've done all you can for right now. You've gotten your dd into counseling and have let her know she can talk to you w/o getting into any trouble. The school is dealing w/ the boys (they won't be allowed to tell you how). An extra hug at bedtime can sometimes do wonders, even if they don't seem to show it.






family in the van   Mom of four

by Gold Member on May. 1, 2012 at 4:18 AM
What you should do.... Tell your daughter that she did nothing wrong. I would think after being at the police it would make her feel more guilty. Regardless guilt and shame are what many children deal with in that situation.... Also you should tell her you love her and if she ever wants to talk about anything you are here for her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 1, 2012 at 8:21 AM

I think you're doing an AWESOME job - she knew how to stand her ground and say NO. There are young girls who would have been coerced into things out of fear, or a need to feel accepted or liked. The fact that she said NO, and took off should be a huge comfort to you at this time. You've taught her well, and you deserve MUCH credit for that.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I have an 8 1/2 yr old DD myself, and I PRAY every day that I've taught her do to the right thing.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:46 AM

Thank you for all the words of encouragement and support. I talk to my daughter every day after school about how school was and if the boys had bothered her that day and she said "no they didn't, I don't even see them anymore". So the school is doing a great job keeping them away...its not too hard considering the one boy is in a different grade and the other boy has a different teacher than my child. The school has been keeping them indoors at recess. As for the school bus my daughter says she doesn't really see them on it much anymore. I know the detective talked to the bus company and they were going to come up with a different plan other than just moving them away. As I was typing this the detective called me with an update... she told me that the older boys father was so furious that his son could do these things to a little girl that he personally took him off the bus and now brings him to school and walks him to class. Which is what the bus company was going to do anyway, they have removed the younger boy from the bus also. The detective feels that we should try to keep things as normal as possible and that Tara shouldn't be the one to change anything because she did nothing wrong. Now the younger boy has social services investigating him and his family and that's all the detective could tell me. My guess is that's where this all came from ...something going on in his family. I have talked to the older boys father and I'm lucky I could even gets word out...I was so irate! He apologized a hundred times and said he couldn't believe his ears when he heard about it especially when he heard they were in his house when he was not home..he says that his son is not suppose to have anybody in the house when he's gone...I said yeah that worked out real well now didn't it? I then told him that if I ever saw his son anywhere near my kid or my house he better run and pray I don't catch him! As for the younger boy...I have been unable to reach the parents, the detective had the same problem that's why she went to the school to talk to the boy because nobody ever seemed to be around. The detective also told me that she was looking into a 2nd possible case with this same 8 year old boy and another little girl. That's about all I know for daughter is never out of my sight and if she has a sleepover at a friends house I either take her there or have her friend pick her up, even tho its within walking distance...just down the block, I  wont take any chances! Thanks for listening and giving your advise...makes me feel not so alone in all this!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)