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sexual assault on my 9 year old

ok here we go...the other day I get a phone call from the local police department and what she said to me almost knocked me on the floor. She said that there was a report to social services but they could not get involved because what had happened didn't happen with a family member. She continued on saying that a boy (age10)  from my 9 year old school (and lives near us) went to the guidance counselor's office and told her that he was being harassed by another boy (age 8) at school (also lives near us) for not being able to get it on with Tara (my daughter) and that both the boys had tried kissing her at the playground near our house and they also tried to get her to show her private parts, which she did not and then he said she left. Well my daughter, her dad and myself had to go to the police station so they could question the victim (Tara) first. My daughter would not admit to anything other than them trying to kiss her. The detective then had the 10yr old boy and his father come to the station and he said that him and the other boy wanted to "hump" Tara.  And they got her to come to the park and took turns trying to kiss her but failed because she would say no and would not let them. That boy also said it was the other boys (8yr old) idea to try to "hump" her. I tried again to talk to my daughter about what had happened and she still claims that they only tried to kiss her. The detective then met with the 8yrs old boy and he said that on another occasion they convinced Tara to go into the 10yr old boys house with no parents and said that they took turns being the watch out person and that they had their shirts on but their pants off and they each tried to "hump" Tara but yet again my daughter would not let them he said and then she ran out the door. After getting that information from the detective I tried again to get Tara to tell me something ...anything but she just wont. She did almost come to tears once and I told her that even if they threatened her it would be ok and that mom and dad would never let them hurt her or anything she loves. So as of now we have her in a counseling session once a week and she also sees her guidance counselor. They boys have been put on the other side of the bus because they ride the same bus to school and the school has a plan in place as to where they are not allowed near my child. I guess I am wondering what to do next. I have always kept an eye on her and I am not sure when she would have been able to go into the boys house because I almost always now where she is and she has a phone and she calls me at designated times. Do I get a restraining order against the boys? That way they would probably have to change schools. Do I get child protective services involved? My daughter still wont tell me if what was alleged actually happened and I was told not to push it. I have had "the talk" with all my kids starting when they are about 5-6yrs old and repeat it every year and explain to my girls what their parts are and what parts boys have and how they will start to menstruate and so on...What do I do? Oh and they cant be charged with anything unless they were12yrs old!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:29 PM
Replies (11-18):
by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:01 PM

Did you not know where she was going?  I can't imagine having a 9 year old just being allowed to go wherever she wanted.  My kids are still 5 and under and I can't imagine letting them walk around town on their own. 

I think the situation is being handled perfectly.  Your daughter had the wherewithal to say no and leave the situation.  This makes me think that one of the boys is repeating something he has going on at home, which is sad.

by Barbara on May. 1, 2012 at 12:41 PM

Quoting aetrom:

What you should do.... Tell your daughter that she did nothing wrong. I would think after being at the police it would make her feel more guilty. Regardless guilt and shame are what many children deal with in that situation.... Also you should tell her you love her and if she ever wants to talk about anything you are here for her.

I agree with this.

I also agree that you did a great job to educate her and should be very proud of the fact that she said NO and didn't give in to the peer pressure.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 9:37 PM

Ohhh, I am so sorry for you and your little girl.  It really sounds like someone is not right with those boys - tell her that we are ALL PROUD of her for standing her ground and saying NO and being brave and telling the police everything she saw....

And give her a HUGE hug. 

by on May. 5, 2012 at 5:13 PM

So counseling is going good and the counselor we found is very good with these kind of things and doesn't push the incident on her nor do her father and I. We discuss it with at times and I can tell that she wants to say more but can't for some reason. I am hopeful that she will come to me or her father or even her big sister when she feels she can tell us what went on. Someone had asked how I could let my daughter run around town...she doesn't we live in a small neighborhood and there are 2 parks within our neighborhood that she and her friends go to, the one they were at is about a block down the street from our house and I call her just about every half hour and I walk down there to make sure they are all playing nice. These incidents had to have happened in between checking up on her and her friends. The boys house in question butts up to the one park so i suppose its easy access. She now plays at the other park with her friends  and its a block the other way from our house and she said she feels safer at that one now. So things are looking up, I just keep praying that maybe she will tell somebody even if its for nothing else but to make her feel better having that off her conscience and not keeping it a secret any longer. Thank you everybody!

by on May. 5, 2012 at 5:55 PM

I think in time, with reassurance from counseling  your daughter will slowly allow this all to come to the surface.  These kinds of things get buried and deep...and fast.  It will take a bit of time as long as it remains safe that she will alow you in to it all.

I keep going back to things my mother did with us when we were young...she got us into swimming and we focused all our free time swimming on a swim team.  Her motto was keep them too tired to stray, LOL...In other words, kids who have time on their hands and are bored will find just about anything to get involved with.  If kids have a specific plan and are kept busy in sports, statistics show that they will be the ones who succeed and will stay out of kind of worked for us, we went through high school without finding the need to do drugs or drink or have sex or any of the stuff most kids get going with.  We had so much going on with swimming and then our first jobs as swimming instructors/lifeguards and school and band concerts we really had no time for anything else.  Just a thought.  If there is a Y near your area, why not think about getting your family involved at the Y and like us, a world can open for her.  For us, the Y gave us skills that gave us our first respectable jobs at 16 yrs carried us through our college and adult years..and we all thanked our mom for insisting that we get involved in a structured sport.

by on May. 5, 2012 at 6:14 PM

Yes, I do agree to keep her active in other activities. We are actually signing her up for kung fu, that was her idea to join. She also wants to be in gymnastics so we are looking into that and seeing if there is a gymnastics place in our area. It should be really good for her and in the summer she wants to play softball. So hopefully these activities with keep her busy and tired!

by Cindi on May. 5, 2012 at 7:08 PM

I am so sorry this has happened to your daughter. My little brother was sexually abused by an 11 year old little boy we went to church with. Him and his parent's were at our house all the time they palyed cards and other games. We trusted this little boy and he was aloud to play with my little brother. I wasn't there when this happened it was at McDonald's my mom was going to clean him up and the little boy said he would help him he was 2 at the time. So she let him because she trusted that he wouldn't do anything to harm him. Well about 2 months latter we were in the grocery store and he comes out with F*** and were like where did you hear that and he tells us this kids name and then other things come out, we hadn't seen this child for 2 months because he was on summer vacation at his grandmothers house. We asked why he hadn't told us sooner he said that he threatened to kill him and our family with bulldogs if he told. They may have told her that they would do harm to you and your family if she told. In time with the counsiling and with you telling her that she can tell you anything she will tell you.

by on May. 5, 2012 at 7:20 PM

First, kudos to you for getting counseling for your daughter. I'm a survivor of sexual molestation as a child and belief me you are doing the right thing to help her deal with this. You absolutely need to get children's services involved, not only for your daughter's and other children's safety but also for the boys involved. You see, children of that age almost never act out sexually unless they have been molested by someone else. Whover told you that social services couldn't get involved since they weren't related was nuts or ill informed. When you meet with children's services, they can help with the decision to get a restraining order. The counseler should also be offering some direction with this. And those boys need help ASAP themselves.

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