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Helicopter Parents (related to another post/reply)- why do you care?

Posted by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:33 PM
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4 moms liked this

 I've seen that phrase on here & I've read the post about it but I'm wondering why do people care?  It's not your kid.  It sounds like a lot of judgment when some people see it & people comment about it, but why do you care how so much how someone else raises their kid?  How is it important to you if someone goes & feeds their child or watches them play at school?  Or whatever it is they're doing that's considered helicopter parenting.  What effect does that have on your day?  I mean apparently it's a good conversation topic to criticize other parents instead of attempting to find out why they're acting that way (i.e., mental or physical limitations/issues) & act like you're better than them.  But what impact does it have on your life & the lives of your children?  Some of you talk about the type of kids that are being raised but again how does that effect your family?  So you raised your child & weren't a helicopter parent does that hurt your kids because society now has those kids?

And I always find it interesting if a teacher on here complains.  So you complain about the helicopter parents but then if a parent isn't involved in their child's education & blows you off then you complain as well.  Seems to me you'd want a parent interested, even if overly so, than one who doesn't give a crap. 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Siannashell
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you. There are a lot of judgmental parents on here. But I enjoy the moms who are helpful and that's there only intention. I also believe some people "helicopter parent" simply because they are involved. And that's ok.
culinaryqueen
by Member on May. 2, 2012 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

 I have never heard this phrase, but I am a helicopter parent for the majority of the school year because my son is Autistic and I just need to make sure that goes where he needs to be, at the beginning of the school year they locked down the school because my son went missing after recess and they found him hiding under a sink in the hallway, he said that he was scared of a man like a maintenance man I spoke with my son and the school and he never came in contact with this man it was just something about the way he looked and his uniform that scared my son so after that incident  we had many issues at the beginning of the year with my son being overstimulated with everything going on ( he is in first grade) in August you bet I was more of a helicopter parent more than usual, as the school year has gone on, as the year has progressed we never had an incident again, his school is always locked and there are cameras everywhere, so we were assured that he was safe and could not leave the school property but even though there is only a few more weeks left I am still a helicopter parent and I know that I always will be.

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on May. 2, 2012 at 12:46 PM
2 moms liked this

Most want to encourage independence at school and when parents are there hovering around the child, the child tends to lean more on parent to get work done rather than them solving the problem.  I have seen it happen with my own child when we go in for family days.  Almost all the class wants to sit in their parents lap instead of sitting on their color block for the lessons of the day.  I do most of my communicating with teacher through emails so that she can answer back in a timely manner and doesnt have to be at school per se to answer it.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:17 PM
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This would be one of the reasons why I find helecopter parenting to be problematic.

Long term effects of helicopter parenting are not good

The first study to define what helicopter parenting is, and the long-term effects it could have, has found hovered-over children grow up to be dependent, neurotic and less open than children who are left more to their own devices.

Researchers at Keene State College in New Hampshire in the US, found college-aged students who grew up with overprotective 'helicopter' parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, compared with kids who had more distant parents.

You can read the whole article here.

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:18 PM

 

Quoting frndlyfn:

Most want to encourage independence at school and when parents are there hovering around the child, the child tends to lean more on parent to get work done rather than them solving the problem.  I have seen it happen with my own child when we go in for family days.  Almost all the class wants to sit in their parents lap instead of sitting on their color block for the lessons of the day.  I do most of my communicating with teacher through emails so that she can answer back in a timely manner and doesnt have to be at school per se to answer it.

 But this is what I mean.  When you think about it who cares?  Parents usually send their kids to school to learn not for them to teach independence.  I know that's important.  We all want that for our kids.  But if a child in class can't do something on their own chances are the teacher isn't going to do it for them so it doesn't impact her/him in any way other than frustration.  Ultimately it's not the teacher's problem.  And sometimes it's possible the children are excited to see & be with their parents for the day or for that time, miss them & want to be with them. 

I guess the reason I don't see it as a big deal is that a) on the other days those kids do sit on their blocks for the lesson.  b)  on other days they do things on their own.  c)  for lunch when their parents aren't there they do sit with their class or eat by themselves.  d)  when not there on the playground they do play with the other kids & aren't clinging to the teacher/aide or sitting on the bench.  You know what I mean?  Some kids might be more clingy when you see them with their parents because they don't see that parent all that often.  I know my youngest is like that when his dad's home & that's because 4 days out of the week he might not see him or if he does it's only for an hour or 2.  So there are reasons or variables to it.

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:20 PM

 if you're interested you can type helicopter parent in the search engine. :)

Quoting culinaryqueen:

 I have never heard this phrase, but I am a helicopter parent for the majority of the school year because my son is Autistic and I just need to make sure that goes where he needs to be, at the beginning of the school year they locked down the school because my son went missing after recess and they found him hiding under a sink in the hallway, he said that he was scared of a man like a maintenance man I spoke with my son and the school and he never came in contact with this man it was just something about the way he looked and his uniform that scared my son so after that incident  we had many issues at the beginning of the year with my son being overstimulated with everything going on ( he is in first grade) in August you bet I was more of a helicopter parent more than usual, as the school year has gone on, as the year has progressed we never had an incident again, his school is always locked and there are cameras everywhere, so we were assured that he was safe and could not leave the school property but even though there is only a few more weeks left I am still a helicopter parent and I know that I always will be.

 

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:23 PM
8 moms liked this

It does have an impact on each and every one of us.  As these children grow up they will have a much more difficult time functioning in society and that will put a strain of our economy when these children aren't able to support our tax base or need more services that tax dollars pay for.  Having a generation of dependant, neurotic, anxious adults isn't good for anyone.  

For me it has nothing to do with the short term, but it is something that will become a long term problem if we don't remove our children from our asses.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

 I'll read it but again what impact does that have on you & your children?  I mean if they end up being that way it doesn't effect you. 

Quoting steelcrazy:

This would be one of the reasons why I find helecopter parenting to be problematic.

Long term effects of helicopter parenting are not good

The first study to define what helicopter parenting is, and the long-term effects it could have, has found hovered-over children grow up to be dependent, neurotic and less open than children who are left more to their own devices.

Researchers at Keene State College in New Hampshire in the US, found college-aged students who grew up with overprotective 'helicopter' parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, compared with kids who had more distant parents.

You can read the whole article here.

 


mommybug77
by Crystal on May. 2, 2012 at 1:30 PM
4 moms liked this
I think people needs to mind their own business. People give my oldest grief (kids) because I refuse to allow my kids to just run the street like so many of their peers. I also get a say so in their clothes, who they can hang with after school, their phone calls, texts..... I see it as parenting
mommynac
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:31 PM
6 moms liked this

I think we are all here to help and support each other, not bash each other? It's difficult enough being a mom. Offering suggestions or making observations when asked is good, but attacking other moms? Not cool. 

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Okay.  I get your point but I think it's far reaching.  Now if the study had said these children grew up to be homicidal maniacs then that would be different.  Besides just because you see a kid now with a "helicopter" parent it doesn't mean in the future it will be the same.  The people on here who complain seem to be talking about elementary kids.  Now if they're saying they see this in high school then I would think it would be a concern.  But I'd wager that in high schools you don't find parents hanging at the school so appaerntly they're able to cope.  I think the ones to be concerned about are the ones who are in high school & older whose parents still cut up their meat, pick out their clothes, do everything for them etc. :)

Quoting steelcrazy:

It does have an impact on each and every one of us.  As these children grow up they will have a much more difficult time functioning in society and that will put a strain of our economy when these children aren't able to support our tax base or need more services that tax dollars pay for.  Having a generation of dependant, neurotic, anxious adults isn't good for anyone.  

For me it has nothing to do with the short term, but it is something that will become a long term problem if we don't remove our children from our asses.

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