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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Helicopter Parents (related to another post/reply)- why do you care?

 I've seen that phrase on here & I've read the post about it but I'm wondering why do people care?  It's not your kid.  It sounds like a lot of judgment when some people see it & people comment about it, but why do you care how so much how someone else raises their kid?  How is it important to you if someone goes & feeds their child or watches them play at school?  Or whatever it is they're doing that's considered helicopter parenting.  What effect does that have on your day?  I mean apparently it's a good conversation topic to criticize other parents instead of attempting to find out why they're acting that way (i.e., mental or physical limitations/issues) & act like you're better than them.  But what impact does it have on your life & the lives of your children?  Some of you talk about the type of kids that are being raised but again how does that effect your family?  So you raised your child & weren't a helicopter parent does that hurt your kids because society now has those kids?

And I always find it interesting if a teacher on here complains.  So you complain about the helicopter parents but then if a parent isn't involved in their child's education & blows you off then you complain as well.  Seems to me you'd want a parent interested, even if overly so, than one who doesn't give a crap. 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Replies (11-20):
mommybug77
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:33 PM
Quoting steelcrazy:


there were plenty of over protective parents when I was growing up, most of the kids figured things out and adjusted just fine. I find your views on it to be extreme.
mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:45 PM

 (sorry.  i meant to add this as well.)  and in your case it's different but people aren't going to take the time to figure it out before jumping in to criticize you.  there are kids out there who have sensory issues or have high functioning autism but still have certain issues.  you have to be one. 

there's a K teacher at my son's school who hates having parents at the school.  she wants you to drop them off & pick them up.  that's it.  i always found it interesting when i went to pick up my son's friend after school & she'd talk to me about his issues.  huh.  well i'm not his parent so why are you talking to me & why do you care since you don't want his mom here to help with any issues?  oh wait but you do want her there when it suits your purpose.  so you bitch if someone's there & when a kid is messing up you want to bitch if they're not because it makes your job harder.  can't have it both ways.   

Quoting culinaryqueen:

 I have never heard this phrase, but I am a helicopter parent for the majority of the school year because my son is Autistic and I just need to make sure that goes where he needs to be, at the beginning of the school year they locked down the school because my son went missing after recess and they found him hiding under a sink in the hallway, he said that he was scared of a man like a maintenance man I spoke with my son and the school and he never came in contact with this man it was just something about the way he looked and his uniform that scared my son so after that incident  we had many issues at the beginning of the year with my son being overstimulated with everything going on ( he is in first grade) in August you bet I was more of a helicopter parent more than usual, as the school year has gone on, as the year has progressed we never had an incident again, his school is always locked and there are cameras everywhere, so we were assured that he was safe and could not leave the school property but even though there is only a few more weeks left I am still a helicopter parent and I know that I always will be.

 

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mommybug77:

Quoting steelcrazy:


there were plenty of over protective parents when I was growing up, most of the kids figured things out and adjusted just fine. I find your views on it to be extreme.

Too bad that they aren't just my views and they aren't to the extreme at all.  You also have to realize that in this age of technology, none of which we had when I was in HS and college, makes it so much easier for parents to hover over their child's lives even when they leave for college.  So when are these kids supposed to learn to figure out these things?

Clinical psychologist Mark Crawford explained the term comes from the concept of hovering. "They're always around their kids' life, kind of on the fringe, always making sure things go the way they need to go and not really allowing the kids to figure out solutions to problems on their own."

Crawford described well-meaning parents he's counseled who want the best for their child, but never want that child to fail.

"I see a lot of parents who hold their kid's hand across the high school graduation stage and think when they send them off to college all will be well," Crawford said. "They are not doing them a favor. They are actually doing them a disservice."

Crawford said children of "helicopter parents" may have trouble later when they're asked to take responsibility in the adult world. "They tend to blame others for bad outcomes that result from neglecting responsibilities or making poor choices," Crawford said. Watch how hovering parents can actually hurt their children's growth

Some turn out to be "perpetually anxious adults who take very few risks outside of their comfort zones," he said.

Georgia Tech Dean of Students John Stein often has to deal with the immediate effects on campus. "It's a rare day that I don't have at least one telephone call from a family member who is concerned about something going on with their son or daughter."

Times have changed from his days as an undergraduate, he observed. "My mom never called the college I attended. It's a very different world now. We've had to adapt."

Stein believes part of the problem is that college students are tethered to their parents via cell phones, e-mail and instant messaging. "They have made for a 24/7 kind of connection," Stein said.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:48 PM
3 moms liked this

BTW - I have a child with Aspergers and he actually does so much better when I'm not up his butt.  I'm a former helecopter and I am very glad that I have reformed my ways and wish that I would have done it much sooner.

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 2:00 PM

 

Quoting steelcrazy:


Quoting mommybug77:

Quoting steelcrazy:


there were plenty of over protective parents when I was growing up, most of the kids figured things out and adjusted just fine. I find your views on it to be extreme.

Too bad that they aren't just my views and they aren't to the extreme at all.  You also have to realize that in this age of technology, none of which we had when I was in HS and college, makes it so much easier for parents to hover over their child's lives even when they leave for college.  So when are these kids supposed to learn to figure out these things?

Clinical psychologist Mark Crawford explained the term comes from the concept of hovering. "They're always around their kids' life, kind of on the fringe, always making sure things go the way they need to go and not really allowing the kids to figure out solutions to problems on their own."

Crawford described well-meaning parents he's counseled who want the best for their child, but never want that child to fail.

"I see a lot of parents who hold their kid's hand across the high school graduation stage and think when they send them off to college all will be well," Crawford said. "They are not doing them a favor. They are actually doing them a disservice."

Crawford said children of "helicopter parents" may have trouble later when they're asked to take responsibility in the adult world. "They tend to blame others for bad outcomes that result from neglecting responsibilities or making poor choices," Crawford said. Watch how hovering parents can actually hurt their children's growth

Some turn out to be "perpetually anxious adults who take very few risks outside of their comfort zones," he said.

 

Georgia Tech Dean of Students John Stein often has to deal with the immediate effects on campus. "It's a rare day that I don't have at least one telephone call from a family member who is concerned about something going on with their son or daughter."

Times have changed from his days as an undergraduate, he observed. "My mom never called the college I attended. It's a very different world now. We've had to adapt."

Stein believes part of the problem is that college students are tethered to their parents via cell phones, e-mail and instant messaging. "They have made for a 24/7 kind of connection," Stein said.

 Well I certainly have no desire to keep tabs on my kids like that.  If I did he would't be scared right now for watching a cartoon zombie show online.  lol.  which doesn't help with the anxiety issue he already has.  I don't call & check up on him while at my mom's like I did when he was a baby.  But I do have lunch with him everyday because of his anxiety & that's what's best for him at this time according to other people.  I enjoy my time.  But as for the Autism issue it's great your son is doing better but that doesn't mean all kids will be like that. 

rhymia
by Member on May. 2, 2012 at 2:02 PM

Eh, I care when it impacts me or my kids. I'm selfish like that :)

In my DD's class for instance, one mummy didn't like that recess was a "free for all!" GASP! And DEMANDED the school institute a more regimented recess. Thankfully the school made her park the 'chopper out back...:D(according to DD, no one liked to play with the kid because he was a bully and was constantly knocking kids around, but mom refused to believe it)

There were other instances which lead to her "helicopter" status, but this one could have impacted me. And I don't like to be impacted.

 

natesmom1228
by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:05 PM
3 moms liked this

I agree I am very pro choice on everything. If it doesn't directly impact my life or my family then I really don't care what others do.

mama_grizz
by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Idk, my kids are extremely independant. I'm letting them be like that, as difficult as it is for me to let them. My 7 year old has seen a few of those helicopter parents, and she said it's funny. As long as those parents don't interact with MY kids, they're free to do whatever they want, and I'll keep my opinion to myself on that issue.
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Barabell
by Barbara on May. 2, 2012 at 2:12 PM

My sister was a college professor for awhile, and I first heard the term from her. The helicopter parents would call her and interfere with their child's lives while they were at COLLEGE. I also saw a post in another group talking about how helicopter parents are sending out resumes for their kids and showing up to interview with and WITHOUT them.

It does go on long term, and it does affect society--as a whole. Can you imagine the amount of "responsible" adults out there that are really not responsible at all? Those adults are going to be too high of a percentage of the workforce in just a few years. It's sad, IMHO.

I agree that the ones in college and higher are the ones we should be more concerned about, but once you form that relationship with your kid, I think it would be harder to overcome.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

Okay.  I get your point but I think it's far reaching.  Now if the study had said these children grew up to be homicidal maniacs then that would be different.  Besides just because you see a kid now with a "helicopter" parent it doesn't mean in the future it will be the same.  The people on here who complain seem to be talking about elementary kids.  Now if they're saying they see this in high school then I would think it would be a concern.  But I'd wager that in high schools you don't find parents hanging at the school so appaerntly they're able to cope.  I think the ones to be concerned about are the ones who are in high school & older whose parents still cut up their meat, pick out their clothes, do everything for them etc. :)

Quoting steelcrazy:

It does have an impact on each and every one of us.  As these children grow up they will have a much more difficult time functioning in society and that will put a strain of our economy when these children aren't able to support our tax base or need more services that tax dollars pay for.  Having a generation of dependant, neurotic, anxious adults isn't good for anyone.  

For me it has nothing to do with the short term, but it is something that will become a long term problem if we don't remove our children from our asses.


Barabell
by Barbara on May. 2, 2012 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Reading articles like this make me concerned about the future, due to the influence of helicopter parenting:

http://www.npr.org/2012/02/06/146464665/helicopter-parents-hover-in-the-workplace

I think it's sad that workplaces and colleges are having to adapt to deal with parents like that.

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