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Helicopter Parents (related to another post/reply)- why do you care?

 I've seen that phrase on here & I've read the post about it but I'm wondering why do people care?  It's not your kid.  It sounds like a lot of judgment when some people see it & people comment about it, but why do you care how so much how someone else raises their kid?  How is it important to you if someone goes & feeds their child or watches them play at school?  Or whatever it is they're doing that's considered helicopter parenting.  What effect does that have on your day?  I mean apparently it's a good conversation topic to criticize other parents instead of attempting to find out why they're acting that way (i.e., mental or physical limitations/issues) & act like you're better than them.  But what impact does it have on your life & the lives of your children?  Some of you talk about the type of kids that are being raised but again how does that effect your family?  So you raised your child & weren't a helicopter parent does that hurt your kids because society now has those kids?

And I always find it interesting if a teacher on here complains.  So you complain about the helicopter parents but then if a parent isn't involved in their child's education & blows you off then you complain as well.  Seems to me you'd want a parent interested, even if overly so, than one who doesn't give a crap. 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Replies (21-30):
Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:03 PM
3 moms liked this

I'm with steelcrazy and barabell on this one.  My concern comes in the form of concern for society as a whole.  As more and more parents buy into the fear (perpetuated by our media) and become helicopter parents, more and more kids are growing up to be adults who can't do a damn thing for themselves.  They aren't contributing members of society and rather are a drain on society and our resources.  That will affect me and my kids.

My sister works at a university and she sees the effect of helicopter parents on the students at the university.  They don't know how to do their own registrations, fill out their own forms, go to a laundromat and do their own damn laundry.  They are college students - ADULTS - and they don't know how to do basic life tasks without Mummy or Daddy holding their hand.  Tell me how that's possibly good for society.

I got my very first job when I was 16.  My mom never went with me to the job interview.  Sure, she coached me a bit at home before-hand.  But she never went to my job interviews, never filled out my job applications, never "took" me to college, never did my college registrations, never called my college.  Those were my responsibility, not hers.

You ask why it matters at the grade school age?  Because that's where it starts.  If you want a college student who can do their own registrations, you need a grade school student who can be responsible for his own homework.  If you want a college student who remembers to get to class on time, you need a grade school student who can get up and get dressed on their own in the morning.  You don't just suddenly grant responsibility on the 18th birthday.  It is slowly given bit by bit over the entire 18 years so that once they hit 18 and graduate HS they can hit the ground running with no issues.  The responsibility isn't overwhelming because they've already had it for some time.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:04 PM
I'm with Steel on this one...I see it all the time with my boy scouts. Boy Scouts requires the boys to step up and take rsepnsibility for their progress. I always have parents coming up andasking why Johnny isn't getting rank or bringing me his book and asking me to sign it off. SORRY, I will not touch it unless Johnny brings it to me.

Or they pack his backpack...and Johnny can't find his flashlight on the campout because he didn't pack himself. I've had parents overpcak and make the bag so heavy their scout couldn't carry it themselves into camp.

You put them in a program where you want them to learn responsibility, you need to step back and ALLOW them to learn it.
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Barabell
by Barbara on May. 2, 2012 at 3:27 PM


Quoting Traci_Momof2:

I'm with steelcrazy and barabell on this one.  My concern comes in the form of concern for society as a whole.  As more and more parents buy into the fear (perpetuated by our media) and become helicopter parents, more and more kids are growing up to be adults who can't do a damn thing for themselves.  They aren't contributing members of society and rather are a drain on society and our resources.  That will affect me and my kids.

My sister works at a university and she sees the effect of helicopter parents on the students at the university.  They don't know how to do their own registrations, fill out their own forms, go to a laundromat and do their own damn laundry.  They are college students - ADULTS - and they don't know how to do basic life tasks without Mummy or Daddy holding their hand.  Tell me how that's possibly good for society.

I got my very first job when I was 16.  My mom never went with me to the job interview.  Sure, she coached me a bit at home before-hand.  But she never went to my job interviews, never filled out my job applications, never "took" me to college, never did my college registrations, never called my college.  Those were my responsibility, not hers.

You ask why it matters at the grade school age?  Because that's where it starts.  If you want a college student who can do their own registrations, you need a grade school student who can be responsible for his own homework.  If you want a college student who remembers to get to class on time, you need a grade school student who can get up and get dressed on their own in the morning.  You don't just suddenly grant responsibility on the 18th birthday.  It is slowly given bit by bit over the entire 18 years so that once they hit 18 and graduate HS they can hit the ground running with no issues.  The responsibility isn't overwhelming because they've already had it for some time.

I agree with everything you've said too. I think the elementary ages not only where it starts, but I also think it's also an age where kids to start exploring the world and how they relate to it. I know my son went through that exploration over these past 7 years of elementary school. He went through a nightmare phase, a lying phase, and many other phases where he was learning how he relates to people around him.

I do think finding a balance between protecting our young kids and helping them learn independence at this age is hard, and I'm sure it's even harder if your child is dealing with an allergy or ADHD or any other kind of special need that requires additional attention.

maxswolfsuit
by Max on May. 2, 2012 at 5:21 PM

It effects my family because we live in a community. The actions of the people in the community impact our lives. 

I agree that teachers should prefer helicopters parents to disinterested ones. Most of us do. But we see the way both extremes negatively impact the students. 

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 5:50 PM

 and that's kind of my point.  I think the term should be applied to those in high school & up not for elementary students.   When they're young you kown them better than anyone & the issues they may be having. 

Quoting Barabell:

My sister was a college professor for awhile, and I first heard the term from her. The helicopter parents would call her and interfere with their child's lives while they were at COLLEGE. I also saw a post in another group talking about how helicopter parents are sending out resumes for their kids and showing up to interview with and WITHOUT them.

It does go on long term, and it does affect society--as a whole. Can you imagine the amount of "responsible" adults out there that are really not responsible at all? Those adults are going to be too high of a percentage of the workforce in just a few years. It's sad, IMHO.

I agree that the ones in college and higher are the ones we should be more concerned about, but once you form that relationship with your kid, I think it would be harder to overcome.

Cindy18
by Cruella on May. 2, 2012 at 5:54 PM
I have to agree with the others. It does effect me and mine because helicopter parents create a child that becomes an adult that can't do anything for themselves. I have children in the high school and believe me they are there too!!! It doesn't just magicaly stop at elemenatry school. *poof*
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mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 5:55 PM

 that's true but how it's used on this forum or on cafemom isn't what you're talking about.  moms on here get criticized for picking or laying out their children's clothes while in K or 1st grade.  it's true that by a certain age they should be able to do things but again that's when they're older not when they're little.  sure you would expect a 8th grader to be able to navigate registration to a certain degree for example but to criticize a mom at this point when her child can't even cook their own food is ridiculous.  and by that i mean i wouldn't expect my 5yo to go in the kitchen, turn on the stove, & start cutting vegetables.  there are still certain things at this age you have to do or help with or watch over.  teenagers & adults should be able to do things & it should only be a concern then not now.  some overprotective parents at a young age do back off as they get older & make them do things for themselves so just because you see it now doesn't mean they're helicoptering or that they'll continue. 

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

I'm with steelcrazy and barabell on this one.  My concern comes in the form of concern for society as a whole.  As more and more parents buy into the fear (perpetuated by our media) and become helicopter parents, more and more kids are growing up to be adults who can't do a damn thing for themselves.  They aren't contributing members of society and rather are a drain on society and our resources.  That will affect me and my kids.

My sister works at a university and she sees the effect of helicopter parents on the students at the university.  They don't know how to do their own registrations, fill out their own forms, go to a laundromat and do their own damn laundry.  They are college students - ADULTS - and they don't know how to do basic life tasks without Mummy or Daddy holding their hand.  Tell me how that's possibly good for society.

I got my very first job when I was 16.  My mom never went with me to the job interview.  Sure, she coached me a bit at home before-hand.  But she never went to my job interviews, never filled out my job applications, never "took" me to college, never did my college registrations, never called my college.  Those were my responsibility, not hers.

You ask why it matters at the grade school age?  Because that's where it starts.  If you want a college student who can do their own registrations, you need a grade school student who can be responsible for his own homework.  If you want a college student who remembers to get to class on time, you need a grade school student who can get up and get dressed on their own in the morning.  You don't just suddenly grant responsibility on the 18th birthday.  It is slowly given bit by bit over the entire 18 years so that once they hit 18 and graduate HS they can hit the ground running with no issues.  The responsibility isn't overwhelming because they've already had it for some time.

 

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 5:58 PM

 that may be true in that sense but do you think some parents put their kids in boy scouts as a way for them to be involved or do something instead of responsibility?  you know like when you send your kid to summer camp?  sometimes people aren't thinking like that & only in terms of keeping their child busy. 

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

I'm with Steel on this one...I see it all the time with my boy scouts. Boy Scouts requires the boys to step up and take rsepnsibility for their progress. I always have parents coming up andasking why Johnny isn't getting rank or bringing me his book and asking me to sign it off. SORRY, I will not touch it unless Johnny brings it to me.

Or they pack his backpack...and Johnny can't find his flashlight on the campout because he didn't pack himself. I've had parents overpcak and make the bag so heavy their scout couldn't carry it themselves into camp.

You put them in a program where you want them to learn responsibility, you need to step back and ALLOW them to learn it.

 

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 6:02 PM

 But that child who can't do anything doesn't impact you based on what you're saying.  You might find it distasteful but you're not the one helicoptering.  I get where the point is if they don't work & stuff like that.  And it can magically stop.  We all are helicopter parents at one point in our children's lives & *poof* it magically stops.  lol.  when you think about it we do everything for our kids & as they grow most of us stop.  :)

Quoting Cindy18:

I have to agree with the others. It does effect me and mine because helicopter parents create a child that becomes an adult that can't do anything for themselves. I have children in the high school and believe me they are there too!!! It doesn't just magicaly stop at elemenatry school. *poof*

 

mommy2cristian
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2012 at 6:05 PM

 lol

Quoting rhymia:

Eh, I care when it impacts me or my kids. I'm selfish like that :)

In my DD's class for instance, one mummy didn't like that recess was a "free for all!" GASP! And DEMANDED the school institute a more regimented recess. Thankfully the school made her park the 'chopper out back...:D(according to DD, no one liked to play with the kid because he was a bully and was constantly knocking kids around, but mom refused to believe it)

There were other instances which lead to her "helicopter" status, but this one could have impacted me. And I don't like to be impacted.

 

 

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