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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Helicopter Parents (related to another post/reply)- why do you care?

 I've seen that phrase on here & I've read the post about it but I'm wondering why do people care?  It's not your kid.  It sounds like a lot of judgment when some people see it & people comment about it, but why do you care how so much how someone else raises their kid?  How is it important to you if someone goes & feeds their child or watches them play at school?  Or whatever it is they're doing that's considered helicopter parenting.  What effect does that have on your day?  I mean apparently it's a good conversation topic to criticize other parents instead of attempting to find out why they're acting that way (i.e., mental or physical limitations/issues) & act like you're better than them.  But what impact does it have on your life & the lives of your children?  Some of you talk about the type of kids that are being raised but again how does that effect your family?  So you raised your child & weren't a helicopter parent does that hurt your kids because society now has those kids?

And I always find it interesting if a teacher on here complains.  So you complain about the helicopter parents but then if a parent isn't involved in their child's education & blows you off then you complain as well.  Seems to me you'd want a parent interested, even if overly so, than one who doesn't give a crap. 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Replies (41-50):
Barabell
by Barbara on May. 2, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Based on what you described, I wouldn't consider that a helicopter parent. I've never criticized a parent for still laying out clothes for a younger elementary student, and I don't see anything helicopter-like about that.

I'm curious what your definition of a helicopter parent is.  

Quoting mommy2cristian:

 that's true but how it's used on this forum or on cafemom isn't what you're talking about.  moms on here get criticized for picking or laying out their children's clothes while in K or 1st grade.  it's true that by a certain age they should be able to do things but again that's when they're older not when they're little.  sure you would expect a 8th grader to be able to navigate registration to a certain degree for example but to criticize a mom at this point when her child can't even cook their own food is ridiculous.  and by that i mean i wouldn't expect my 5yo to go in the kitchen, turn on the stove, & start cutting vegetables.  there are still certain things at this age you have to do or help with or watch over.  teenagers & adults should be able to do things & it should only be a concern then not now.  some overprotective parents at a young age do back off as they get older & make them do things for themselves so just because you see it now doesn't mean they're helicoptering or that they'll continue. 

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

I'm with steelcrazy and barabell on this one.  My concern comes in the form of concern for society as a whole.  As more and more parents buy into the fear (perpetuated by our media) and become helicopter parents, more and more kids are growing up to be adults who can't do a damn thing for themselves.  They aren't contributing members of society and rather are a drain on society and our resources.  That will affect me and my kids.

My sister works at a university and she sees the effect of helicopter parents on the students at the university.  They don't know how to do their own registrations, fill out their own forms, go to a laundromat and do their own damn laundry.  They are college students - ADULTS - and they don't know how to do basic life tasks without Mummy or Daddy holding their hand.  Tell me how that's possibly good for society.

I got my very first job when I was 16.  My mom never went with me to the job interview.  Sure, she coached me a bit at home before-hand.  But she never went to my job interviews, never filled out my job applications, never "took" me to college, never did my college registrations, never called my college.  Those were my responsibility, not hers.

You ask why it matters at the grade school age?  Because that's where it starts.  If you want a college student who can do their own registrations, you need a grade school student who can be responsible for his own homework.  If you want a college student who remembers to get to class on time, you need a grade school student who can get up and get dressed on their own in the morning.  You don't just suddenly grant responsibility on the 18th birthday.  It is slowly given bit by bit over the entire 18 years so that once they hit 18 and graduate HS they can hit the ground running with no issues.  The responsibility isn't overwhelming because they've already had it for some time.

 


steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 6:46 PM

Then please, by all means, give us some examples because we truely don't understand why you are freaking out over being a helecopter parent.  We've given you our examples, so do us a favor and give us a link, an article, something, anything.  PLEASE!  Otherwise we are completely confused by this semi-vent of yours.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

 huh.  & here I thought I was being respectful in explaining my responses.  I'm not taking it out of context because 1/2 of the examples given are about elementary kids & not older ones.  The posts I've seen & even the articles posted are about YOUNGER kids not older ones.  No one pissed in anything of mine until this comment & quoted agreement.  Surprising that it come from the group moderators but I'll back out since apparently it's a problem with me trying to respond without being insulting.  Thanks.

Quoting steelcrazy:

I was wondering who pissed in her Cheerios as well.

Quoting Cindy18:

I'm sorry. It seems like someone on here must have really offended you. But you are taking the term totaly out of context, IMO. It's not being a helicopter parent if your help and involvement is age appropriate. When it becomes INappropriate, then it's a problem. AND before you start a debate about "what" is age appropriate, common sense dictates that. Ordering & cutting your child food at 5 is age appropriate parenting but NOT at 15. Picking out your child's clothes is age appropriate at 5 but NOT at 15. ETC, ETC, ETC.


 


Cindy18
by Cruella on May. 2, 2012 at 6:47 PM
No one told you to stop responding. You asked for an opinion. I gave mine. My opinion is that you are twisting and taking the term out of context. You can be a helicopter parent in elementary IF you are helping your child with things they can do or should be able to do on their own. Age isn't the issue, age APPROPRIATE parenting is. And just because we are Mods doesn't mean we have to agree with everything said in here.
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PinkParadox
by on May. 2, 2012 at 6:53 PM
2 moms liked this
I try not to judge, but I care because it affects an entire generation. It affects the world we live in, it affects the world my children live in. it affects the environment in their schools. Frankly, other people's desicions affect everything. I'm not saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I'm saying it's all connected.
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Barabell
by Barbara on May. 2, 2012 at 7:01 PM


Quoting Cindy18:

No one told you to stop responding. You asked for an opinion. I gave mine. My opinion is that you are twisting and taking the term out of context. You can be a helicopter parent in elementary IF you are helping your child with things they can do or should be able to do on their own. Age isn't the issue, age APPROPRIATE parenting is. And just because we are Mods doesn't mean we have to agree with everything said in here.

Yup. We definitely dont agree with each other all of the time...LOL

I'm also curious now what originally started this post because I still don't think what OP described in a response was helicopter parenting. I consider it to be when a parent hovers so much over their child that they don't allow them to experience mistakes and failures, which is part of life's learning process to become a functioning adult.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 7:03 PM

Let's try another approach.  

What Your Child Should Know and Be Able to Do Upon Entering Kindergarten

Care for Personal Needs

___Can blow nose, cover sneeze
___Is independent in using the toilet
___Can wash own hands
___Can snap, button, zipper or belt own pants
___Can take off and put on coat
___Can tie shoes
___Recognizes own possessions: jacket, lunchbox, etc.
___Can eat unassisted
___Can use silverware
___Will put away toys when asked

If you can answer yes to all of these then you aren't a helecopter parent, if not you have some work to do.  Now obviously the shoe tying is tricky for those with fine motor skills delays, but you should be working on it at the very least instead of enabling your child.

Life skills children should know by the age of ten

  • Telling the time with an analogue watch.
  • Knowing the names of clouds.
  • Cooking a simple meal.
  • Recognising five different species of bird.
  • Baking bread.
  • Knowing a couple of important phone numbers off by heart.
  • Making (and flying) a kite.
  • Making breakfast in bed for mum or dad.
  • Using a washing machine.
  • Map reading.
  • The art of saving money.
  • How to grow a vegetable.
  • Using a dictionary.
  • Loading the dishwasher.
  • Stranger danger.
  • How to look after a pet.
  • Taking phone messages.
  • Changing a bed.
  • How to write a thank you note.
  • Sorting the recycling.

Again, if your child can do all of these by the age of 10, then you aren't a helecopter parent.  If they can't do most of them, then I would begin loosening up those reins a little bit and letting them try some of these over summer break.

M4LG5
by Gold Member on May. 2, 2012 at 7:03 PM
And for someone like me....a college advisor....it is unbelievable what some of my students CAN'T do because mom and dad have always done it for them, or they don't know how to handle a bad grade, or they don't know what to do if things get hard.

Quoting steelcrazy:

It does have an impact on each and every one of us.  As these children grow up they will have a much more difficult time functioning in society and that will put a strain of our economy when these children aren't able to support our tax base or need more services that tax dollars pay for.  Having a generation of dependant, neurotic, anxious adults isn't good for anyone.  

For me it has nothing to do with the short term, but it is something that will become a long term problem if we don't remove our children from our asses.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

 I'll read it but again what impact does that have on you & your children?  I mean if they end up being that way it doesn't effect you. 


Quoting steelcrazy:


This would be one of the reasons why I find helecopter parenting to be problematic.



Long term effects of helicopter parenting are not good


The first study to define what helicopter parenting is, and the long-term effects it could have, has found hovered-over children grow up to be dependent, neurotic and less open than children who are left more to their own devices.


Researchers at Keene State College in New Hampshire in the US, found college-aged students who grew up with overprotective 'helicopter' parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, compared with kids who had more distant parents.


You can read the whole article here.


 


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steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 7:04 PM


Quoting Barabell:


Quoting Cindy18:

No one told you to stop responding. You asked for an opinion. I gave mine. My opinion is that you are twisting and taking the term out of context. You can be a helicopter parent in elementary IF you are helping your child with things they can do or should be able to do on their own. Age isn't the issue, age APPROPRIATE parenting is. And just because we are Mods doesn't mean we have to agree with everything said in here.

Yup. We definitely dont agree with each other all of the time...LOL

I'm also curious now what originally started this post because I still don't think what OP described in a response was helicopter parenting. I consider it to be when a parent hovers so much over their child that they don't allow them to experience mistakes and failures, which is part of life's learning process to become a functioning adult.

I agree with you Barbara.  I'm not sure what sparked this post and would love to know.  Any example that she did give, I wouldn't have cosidered helecoptering either. *shrugs*

M4LG5
by Gold Member on May. 2, 2012 at 7:04 PM
Agree!

Quoting Barabell:


Quoting Cindy18:

No one told you to stop responding. You asked for an opinion. I gave mine. My opinion is that you are twisting and taking the term out of context. You can be a helicopter parent in elementary IF you are helping your child with things they can do or should be able to do on their own. Age isn't the issue, age APPROPRIATE parenting is. And just because we are Mods doesn't mean we have to agree with everything said in here.

Yup. We definitely dont agree with each other all of the time...LOL

I'm also curious now what originally started this post because I still don't think what OP described in a response was helicopter parenting. I consider it to be when a parent hovers so much over their child that they don't allow them to experience mistakes and failures, which is part of life's learning process to become a functioning adult.

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steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2012 at 7:09 PM

Speaking of kids not knowing how to handle failure or at the very least not being the best, this is a true story from my world.  I have a friend (Lisa) who helps with our middle school's chess club.  We had a chess tournament at our elementary school a few weekends back and both the elementary and middle school chess clubs were participating.  Lisa and I have a mutual friend Michelle and Michelle's hover's over her son Andrew like nobody's business, granted the child has a severe peanut allergy, but this child has never experienced failure and he is 13 years old.  Michelle was actually considering having Andrew not participate in the chess tournament because there was a 50/50 chance that he may lose and she didn't want to put him through that.  Major helecopter IMO.

Quoting M4LG5:

And for someone like me....a college advisor....it is unbelievable what some of my students CAN'T do because mom and dad have always done it for them, or they don't know how to handle a bad grade, or they don't know what to do if things get hard.

Quoting steelcrazy:

It does have an impact on each and every one of us.  As these children grow up they will have a much more difficult time functioning in society and that will put a strain of our economy when these children aren't able to support our tax base or need more services that tax dollars pay for.  Having a generation of dependant, neurotic, anxious adults isn't good for anyone.  

For me it has nothing to do with the short term, but it is something that will become a long term problem if we don't remove our children from our asses.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

 I'll read it but again what impact does that have on you & your children?  I mean if they end up being that way it doesn't effect you. 


Quoting steelcrazy:


This would be one of the reasons why I find helecopter parenting to be problematic.



Long term effects of helicopter parenting are not good


The first study to define what helicopter parenting is, and the long-term effects it could have, has found hovered-over children grow up to be dependent, neurotic and less open than children who are left more to their own devices.


Researchers at Keene State College in New Hampshire in the US, found college-aged students who grew up with overprotective 'helicopter' parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, compared with kids who had more distant parents.


You can read the whole article here.


 



 

I'm feeling wicked!

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