HELP having a debate with hunny need input now. PLEASE!!!!!( UPDATE)
How much time do you spend as a family on a day to day basis.
What do you ground over
What is the expectation of bedrooms in your house.
OKAY so my oldest 2 that are 9 and soon to be 6 broke landscaping rocks in are yard and spread them all over our yard that we rent mind you and that might not have been such a huge deal BUT they have gotten in trouble for destroying things in the past. So they were ground to their room for a week no outside and no TV. But in that week they repeatly got in trouble would get off the bed Caught them jumping on beds swinging in closet from bar. wreastling.. OH and my 9 year old will pull every trick in the book to get off her bed AFTER I tell her do NOT get off your bed for any reason what so ever she will get off minutes after me telling her that and ask do you want me to mop the floor ? Do you want me to hold the baby. ITS none stop. But after a weekend in a half of this I feel bad I know stupid and my hunny is mad because he thinks they should be grounded till they can go without getting in trouble for 2 days straight. I think they are too small to be grounded for weeks.
Than there is also the fact we are not spending much family time together at all so I feel bad thinking they are actting out because they aren't getting time as a family.
And their room he wants their room cleaned everyday and I think its really not a big deal I just am really wondering what everyone else does. I have a 9 year old a 6 year old a 3 year old and 2 years old and 5 months.
On a daily basis, we spend 3-5 hours together. More on the weekends.
Ds, 7, has never been grounded. He has lost privileges a few times (Wii, 3DS, dessert) and has had to go to bed early, but time outs still work well for him. He's usually very well behaved though.
We don't have a play room, so the only place he can spread out his toys is really his room. I try to take that into consideration with how clean it has to be. During the week, he can have Legos out, or a set up of trains, cars, Rokenbok, whatever to he sets up to play with. There has to be a clear path to the door. If he needs to get out of bed during the night, I don't want him stepping on things or tripping over them. On the weekends, he has to clean up or move things off the floor so I can get in there and vacuum the whole room. I do the rest of the cleaning in his room...the dusting, sheet changing, window cleaning, organizing. We don't take food in the bedrooms, he usually has a Camelbak water bottle on his nightstand...he loves that kind, and has accidentally slept all night with the Camelbak bottle in bed with him and no leaks whatsoever.
I would look for more related punishments - working off the $$ to buy new landscaping rocks, cleaning graffiti off of a place in town, etc.
As for family time, we have 3 boys afes 12, 8, 5 and we spend all but maybe an hour together after school (3:30-8:00). That hour is usually their play time/wind down tome after school. Some of that family time is spent with them doing homework, cooking dinner, or attending events (sports, concerts, etc.) but we're together.
Weekends the kids do their own thing on Saturdays around the house but we clean in the morning (DH works). Sundays we're all home with no school or work so it's family hangout all day.
I actually do that as much as I can I take turns taking them with me alone to the store or out where every I go I put the little ones to bed and we watch movies I don't know I wish I could give them more but I have a 5 month old nursing and she has a rare skin condition that can or could be dangerous in the future and I have a hard time letting her out of my sights much because of it.
Quoting coolmommy2x:
I can understand DH wanting 2 days of good behavior but your method of punishment clearly isn't working, at this rate, they'll be grounded for years. LOL! I'm not sure what will work other than promising them treats (dessert before dinner, etc) for good behavior and take it them away when they don't listen and sticking to it. DH gets home around 7 every night (no earlier than 9:30 on Mondays and works one weekend day) so family time can be scarce, especially this time of year with all of the activities going on. i'm not judging or bashing but it sounds to me like you have your hands full and the 2 older ones might be looking for attention and know that even if bad, by acting out, they're still getting it. Can you get a sitter for the younger ones and have special times/outings with just them?
Quoting nicoal4:I actually do that as much as I can I take turns taking them with me alone to the store or out where every I go I put the little ones to bed and we watch movies I don't know I wish I could give them more but I have a 5 month old nursing and she has a rare skin condition that can or could be dangerous in the future and I have a hard time letting her out of my sights much because of it.
Quoting coolmommy2x:
I can understand DH wanting 2 days of good behavior but your method of punishment clearly isn't working, at this rate, they'll be grounded for years. LOL! I'm not sure what will work other than promising them treats (dessert before dinner, etc) for good behavior and take it them away when they don't listen and sticking to it. DH gets home around 7 every night (no earlier than 9:30 on Mondays and works one weekend day) so family time can be scarce, especially this time of year with all of the activities going on. i'm not judging or bashing but it sounds to me like you have your hands full and the 2 older ones might be looking for attention and know that even if bad, by acting out, they're still getting it. Can you get a sitter for the younger ones and have special times/outings with just them?
Destroying landscaping in the backyard is vandalism. The punishment in my world would be extra chores to earn money to pay to fix the vandalism. The extra chores will also help keep them from getting into trouble as well as help you out.
Bedrooms are a battle that I don't wish to engage in. It is their room and they keep it as they see fit. However, I do not want to hear about something being broken because it was stepped on and I will not help you find something that has gone missing.
Family time varies greatly. During the week, we may only spend an hour or less together doing something due to homework and extra curriculars. On the weekends, it is sometimes all blessed day and others a few hours. Would you be able to do a family game night on the weekend and tie it into the children following the rules all week long to be able to participate?
My dh and I spend time with our dd every evening and on weekends. She is currently grounded for getting in trouble at school (they have a card change system and if they get a warning for talking or doing something that they are not supposed to they have to change their card) she has gotten 3 blue marks this month for talking so we have taken away her ds and all types of video games, cartoons, and since school will be ending here in 3 days we told her that the first week of summer vacation she can't go outside and play. She has to clean her bed and floor every night before going to bed. Her dad is more the diciplinarian than I am. I hate to ground her, but she has to learn to mind and do what she is told.
I forgot to add, that they are expected to keep their rooms picked up. This means, their toys get put away where they belong, their dirty clothes are taken to the laundry room each night, they put away their clean clothes.
IF they choose not to do these things, I have the right to throw out anything I see on the floor (did that twice - and never had to again). I don't make a big deal about it, just inform them when I plan to do it and if they care they should put away their toys in the next "X" minutes.
If they don't take their dirty laundry to the laundry room, I don't harp on them about it, but when they get up in the morning to find they've run out of clean underwear and are in a panic - they realize it was their mistake. That only happened once, LOL.
Quoting the3Rs:
I don't agree with grounding in only their rooms for that long. Think about it - could YOU do nothing but sit on your bed & stare at the wall all day for a week?! I couldn't do it for a day! That punishment doesn't really teach them anything about what they did wrong & why it's wrong, etc.
I would look for more related punishments - working off the $$ to buy new landscaping rocks, cleaning graffiti off of a place in town, etc.
As for family time, we have 3 boys afes 12, 8, 5 and we spend all but maybe an hour together after school (3:30-8:00). That hour is usually their play time/wind down tome after school. Some of that family time is spent with them doing homework, cooking dinner, or attending events (sports, concerts, etc.) but we're together.
Weekends the kids do their own thing on Saturdays around the house but we clean in the morning (DH works). Sundays we're all home with no school or work so it's family hangout all day.
a week in thier room... IMO that's too much- what are they to do in there for a week? other than jump on the beds, bounce off the walls? kids go crazy inside the house, let along one room for that long- on cold or rain days... maybe ONE day, yes, but a week is more of a punishment to you- get more creative w/ punishments.
Why not allow them outside and be out there WITH them to make sure they aren't destroying stuff- that's family time to answer your "how much time do you spend together" when I am not at work, I speed clean on weeknights, rush to fix a fast meal then we are outside til bath/bed time. On the weekends, I clean til lunch time then again we are outside til bedtime. Outside time gets rid of that natural energy kids have and wears them out, which makes bedtime a snap! I have 4 kids and from birth, they are outside as often as possible~
A punishment for breaking landscaping at my house would be hard work in the landscaping for a full day or several hours... scooping rocks, replacing rocks, using a wheelbarrow, hauling some dirt, planting a garden, planting flowers- teach them what the hard work someone had to do was like putting those rocks out and decorating the house, it will make them appreciate these sorts of things NOT destroy them.
Bedrooms in my house stay clean or they are grounded into thier room for an hour or however long it takes them to clean it when I say "get it up!" which usually happens about once a week... but really they aren't ever "messy" because they soon learn NOT to mess and they wont have to clean. ;O)
??QOTD?? 5/25/13
- nicoal4
on May. 21, 2012 at 7:33 PM