Need Help! 5 year old boy recently diagnosed with adhd!
My son Conner was recently diagnosed with ADHD. His father, my husband, and myself have chose to not put him on medication until we know it educationally necessary. I have a very hard time understanding him and dealing with his outbursts of rage and back talking. I am the first to admit im not a perfect mother, i yell a lot. I lose my temper. But i love my son and i dont want our relationship to be ruined because of this. Please help me!
Too many doctors today are ready and willing to throw a label on a child.
i have had him evaluated by 3 different doctors and i get the same response every time. I agree with you about doctors being to quick to label a child. I will have him evaluated again once he starts school and gets around children his age. I just want to be able to relate to my son
Quoting Hottubgodess:
Have him evaluated for sensory processing disorder. Many kids who are SPD come across as ADHD when they really are not. Sensory seeking behaviors can include bouncing in their seat / not sitting still. Meltdowns can be caused by sensory overload. I see it in my son in the afternoons - he will shut down or burst into tears.
I was going to make the same suggestion. My dd had tons of sensory issues when she was younger, she was diagnosed with ADHD when she was almost 7. We tried meds but she was having issues with side effects and we couldn't find the right med for her. I always suspected she had SPD but never had her evaluated. When she was 14 her diagnosis changed to ADD and generalized anxiety disorder. She remembered how she felt on the ADHD meds when she was younger and refuses to take anything for the anxiety. She is now 18 and still deals with some anxiety in certain situations but she has grown out of most of the sensory processing issues she had when she was young.
As far as dealing with your son's behaviors if you haven't tried it already check out 123 Magic~ books and dvd's available at most libraries, you can probably find videos on YouTube about the program. I've used it with all 3 of my kids. I first learned about it when I worked for a wraparound program for children with special needs. Just make sure that you are consistent with it or it won't work.
Quoting K.Axson412:i have had him evaluated by 3 different doctors and i get the same response every time. I agree with you about doctors being to quick to label a child. I will have him evaluated again once he starts school and gets around children his age. I just want to be able to relate to my son
Ask the doctor for a referral to an Occupational Therapist they can evaluate and determine whether he has SPD or not. If you have a difficult time understanding him I would ask for a speech eval as well.
Be firm, fair, and consistent. Work toward one goal at a time (ex: morning routine) and add on once that us generally mastered.
DD is almost 9 and thriving. She was just accepted to talented music, and was recommended for the talented art and gifted program. She still has her challenges, but the things that annoy us now will serve her well as an adult (she's very independent and confident which can come out as stubbornness and sassiness).
We have no doubt that she has ADHD. Her brother has no issues. :)
Quoting mumsy2three:
Quoting Hottubgodess:
Have him evaluated for sensory processing disorder. Many kids who are SPD come across as ADHD when they really are not. Sensory seeking behaviors can include bouncing in their seat / not sitting still. Meltdowns can be caused by sensory overload. I see it in my son in the afternoons - he will shut down or burst into tears.I was going to make the same suggestion. My dd had tons of sensory issues when she was younger, she was diagnosed with ADHD when she was almost 7. We tried meds but she was having issues with side effects and we couldn't find the right med for her. I always suspected she had SPD but never had her evaluated. When she was 14 her diagnosis changed to ADD and generalized anxiety disorder. She remembered how she felt on the ADHD meds when she was younger and refuses to take anything for the anxiety. She is now 18 and still deals with some anxiety in certain situations but she has grown out of most of the sensory processing issues she had when she was young.
As far as dealing with your son's behaviors if you haven't tried it already check out 123 Magic~ books and dvd's available at most libraries, you can probably find videos on YouTube about the program. I've used it with all 3 of my kids. I first learned about it when I worked for a wraparound program for children with special needs. Just make sure that you are consistent with it or it won't work.
The best thing you can do for a child with ADHD is to control his environment. That is always true of ADHD kids, but particularly if you choose not to medicate.
1) Keep a consistent, iron-clad schedule. Go to bed at the same time every day, wake up at the same time every day (even on weekends!) Eat meals at the same time every day. ADHD kids do not generally adjust well to changes. Even letting him stay up for a couple of extra hours and then sleeping for an extra 15 minutes (don't ever count on thinking he will sleep in the next morning!) will set him off for the day and then make Sunday night a disaster for bedtime, and then Monday morning will be one as well. The more regulated his physical surrounding are, then better he will do.
2) Cut ALL artificial EVERYTHING from his diet. That mean ALL artificial flavors, artificial colors, as much refined suger as possible, and chemical preservatives-particulary BHA (Butylated hydroxyanisole) and BHT (butylated hydroxytoluene)-preservatives often found in fatty/oily products such as butter, margarine, shortening, processed cheeses, processed meats, and processed snack foods such as baked goods, cookies, muffins, potato chips, even breading on chicken and fish. Insetad go for freshly baked good you either bake at home or check the labels carefully. Some brands do not use it (Lay's regular potato chips for instance-although the flavored ones do). Get used to reading the labels on EVERYTHING. Eat as healthy a diet as possible with lean unprocessed meats, whole grains, fresh vegies and fruit. Eat as close to nature as you can. And don't be surprised if when you make a slip (you give in and let him get a blue icee from the gas station for instance) you will be peeling him off the walls for an entire day-or more.
3) Keep discipline consistent-have a clear cut list of expectations, and consequences for breaking them. Put them in writing and post them where he can see them. Keep in mind that certain punishments are not going to accomplish anything (for instance, trying to get an ADHD child to sit in time-out where he has to sit still in a chair is probably going to be next to impossible for him to acheive. Choose a different consequence that he can comprehend such as removing a piviledge instead). ADHD kids are usually very social kids, but often have poor social skills. It is espeically hard for them to maintain for any real length of time. So when planning activities, plan things for a couple of hours-not all day. He just won't be able to hold it together that long. Also ADHD kids are usually pretty easy to bribe! Getting to do something he likes will often be a great incentive for doing someting he doesn't like. You will probably find one frustrating fact: kids with ADHD can often sit any play video games for HOURS without losing it! It is easy to think, if he can do it here, than he can do it anywhere. But there is something unique about the way video games engage both sides of the brain that allows him to focus for long periods of time. He will nearly always do better with Kinesthetic activity (activites that keep his body AND his mind engaged) than with purely mental activities. Sometimes a child will do well with reading, but I have not found that to be as consistent.
4) And this is the most important: YOU MUST CONTROL YOURSELF! You cannot expect the child to be in control unless the parent is in control. If you lose your temper, he will not be able to hold his. If you yell, he will yell. And most important, if you hit, he will hit. Spanking does not work with the ADHD child. The ADHD child is especially intolerant of hypocrisy. He will do as you DO long before he will do as you SAY.
5) Often, ADHD kids will be very touchable kids. They respond well to hugging, cuddling, but also to rough-housing, and contact sports. Giving them an outlet for proper phsyical activity will help them to "spend" their energy in a way that is acceptable. A lot of people will say that martial arts are great for ADHD kids. It depends. if your kids is just hyper it may be. If your child is violent or destructive, it may just teach him to hurt people more efficiantly. In any case, before you sign him up for activities, talk to the coach or teacher and make sure that he has an understanding of working with ADHD kids. Otherwise it may be more frustrating then helpful. Be willing to try different things. It may take a couple of different activities to find the one that works for him. Often something that is nonstop movement will work better than something that includes a lot of standing around too. So soccer, basketball or tennis may be better than baseball or football.
6) Know when to give in and turn to meds. Once the child is in school it will suddenly be necessary for him to sit still, take turns, walk in line, wait until he is called on etc. That will take a level of control that he just may not be capable of. Then he will be constantly getting in trouble, not paying attention, and will start having trouble both academically and socially. Often in order to compenstate for what they feel are their failures, they will become class clowns or worse, bullies. If they can't be part of the crowd on the crowd's terms, they will make up their own terms. Once they start having failures, then failure will build on failure will build on failure. Some kids never really recover from that. If you want to try to do without meds at school, keep in constant communication with his teacher. And don't get all defensive if the teacher begins to encourage you to put him on meds. It is very difficult to manage a classroom full of kids when one child's behavior problems is interupting every lesson, every activity and every transition all day. And it's really not fair to the other students either. If you REALLY don't want to do meds, consider homeschooling. If you can handle it, it can give you more flexibility to design his school experiences around his strengths instead of the classroom experience, which is often built around his weaknesses.
6) Last, but very important: Get into some kind of support group. Parenting the ADHD child is very difficult and filled with challenges that other parents often will just not get. So many people will suggest that you are a bad mother because yor child cannot sit still in church, make it through a meal at a restaurant without falling out of his chair or spilling his drink or attending birthday party without trying to be the center of attention. Make sure you have people in your life who understand the tough row you have to hoe. And remember, 80% of children will outgrow ADHD going through puberty. It probaly won't last forever.
??QOTD?? 5/22/13
- K.Axson412
on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:45 PM