How to Handle Kids Who Don't Handle Losing Well
Last night, I had family game night with my siblings at my house. We have just recently lost our mother and this is what we do in honor of her because she loved family game nights.
Anyway, usually, the adults engage in games such as Farkle or Monopoloy Deal, and the kids play the Wii or engage in other fun kid activities. Sometimes, everyone gets involved in Guesstures or Pictionary. In between games, we snack and converse.
Well, we were just getting ready to play another game of Monopoly Deal when my ten-year-old daughter came up the stairs crying and covering her cheek, "Nephew's Name) punched me!" I know that my daughter and her cousins often fight over various things, but it had never gotten physical before. My sister scolded her son and made him apologize to my daughter as well as me. I, of course, wanted to be sure my daughter hadn't antagonized him in any way, so I asked my other daughters what had happended (by the way, the kids were all downstairs with my 18-year-old daughter, so it's not like they weren't being supervised).
Turns out, my daugheter and nephew were bowling on a Wii game. Nephew says to my daughter, "You suck at bowling." To which my daughter replied, "You suck at bowling." Well, he was losing to her, and out of the blue, he hauled off and punched her in the cheek. I don't mean hit or slap--he PUNCHED her, like you would see in a fight scene in a movie! Thankfully, she was okay, and this morning, she is fine with no visible signs of a black and blue cheek.
I know my nephew competes in wrestling, and now that the wrestling season is over for him, he seems to think he can take his wrestling out on others (he was caught kicking his sister on the trampoline earlier). I should mention that he is five and will turn six in July. My sister told me that he is a very sore loser. He cried and whined a lot last night when he didn't get his way, and when she put him in time out, he cried and whined the entire time. When she made him sit in a chair as a punishment, he kept crying, "I miss my daddy." Yes, he is a daddy's boy, and I am angry with my brother-in-law for enabling his son to fight outside the ring. Years ago, nephew head-butted his sister out of the blue for no reason as we were getting ready for a family photo shoot at Easter.
Anyway, my sister and I both have strong-willed children. I admit, my ten-year-old is no saint herself. She, too, is a sore loser. She just doesn't go around punching people when she loses.
Do you have a child who is a sore loser and what do/did you do to channel that anger somewhere else? Advice welcome. Sometimes parents don't like to be told their kids have something wrong with them. My sister is one of those parents. Thanks.
Within a couple do weeks, he dealt better with losing.
I also taught him to say, "Good game. I hope we can play again soon," win or lose.
Actually being a gracious winner is more of challenge than a sore loser.
For your own child, id spend more time playing and role modeling approriate behavior. Its ok to be sad or upset you lost. Its NOT ok to name cals, cry and throw fits. There are consequences for those behaviors.
I make them put the games away if they start acting once like this-and I keep making a point it is just a damn game and that everything in life isnt always fair need to learn it now.
Quoting momto3infl:I make them put the games away if they start acting once like this-and I keep making a point it is just a damn game and that everything in life isnt always fair need to learn it now.
First off IF one of my kids every acted like that they would have the sorest butt around and would be grounded for a very long time.
As for , are my kids sore losers. No, sure they may get bummed if they loose but they will tell the winner "good job" or "good game" . They know if they were to throw a fit over loosing they would be in big trouble.
My five year old son doesn't hit (normally), but he does scream and throw himself on the floor when he doesn't get his way. It's become so ridiculous that we've opted to wait on sending him to kindergarten (which I was looking forward to, quite frankly!). I'll be watching the responses for any suggestions that might help us with HIM!
Most five year olds fight outside the ring, so I wouldn't call his actions unusual, but he still needs to be taught to be a better sport. Both of the kids do, a ten year old should know better then to tell a five year old that they "suck" (are they allowed to use that kind of language?) at anything, even if the five year old says it first, there are better responses and it wasn't being a very good role model. I would take the game away for the rest of the day, the child who hit would be punished, timeout and something would be taken, and both children would be talked to about apprpriate language and how to be a good sport, you dont tell someone they suck, you dont hit, and an older child should be sure to act as a role model to a younger child, not stoop to their level. I would talk about how throwing a fit when you lose and name calling just makes you a bad sport and people wont want to play with you anymore because they know you cant handle losing, it makes you look bad. When you lose, its okay to be dissapointed, but you say "good game" and let it go and just try harder next time.
Quoting momto3infl:
I make them put the games away if they start acting once like this-and I keep making a point it is just a damn game and that everything in life isnt always fair need to learn it now.
This is what I do when the kids fight
When my 11 yr old is a sore loser (which really isn't that often anymore) I just tell her if you don't like the results you have to play more strategetically or DON"T PLAY AT ALL.
Age appropriate chores
- SusanArlene
on Jun. 17, 2012 at 3:49 PM