So I have two kids a boy who just turned 5 and girl who is about to turn 2. My son is a happy kid who is a great big brother to his sister and a great son. My son gets along and plays with everyone at his school. He loves superheroes, playing swords etc with his dad. However, I cannot seem to get past the fact that he also plays with girl toys. He absolutely loves Rupunzel and will even pretend to be her and other girl characters and will occassionaly dress up as them. He will also pretend to be boy superheroes and often dresses up as Thor or other supeheroes. As I stated before he has no issues playing with boys or girls. He has picked up on the fact that it maks me uncomfortable, which makes me feel horrible. This is my issue not his and in no way to I want him to think that there is anything wrong with him because he is the greatest! I've tried to talk to my husband about it and he then goes to my son and starts asking him why he does these things, so I've stopped talking to him about it. I was hoping my husband could be the person i could talk to about my issues and help me get over them. I just feel bad for letting him see my issues with this becuase they are MY issues. Sorry for the rambling.
Quoting notjstanothrmom:
I think you're weird for thinking there is a problem with boys playing with girls things. WE decide what is girly and boyish as a society. My son is a boys boy and dresses up in his sisters dress up clothes and shoes and plays with dolls and her vise versa with the trucks and trains and dirt.
I think not allowing such behavior is asking for confidence issues. That is not how people become gay
I dont think she's weird for asking this... in our society it's easy to feel this way and she is not disallowing it either. Also you can not make or condition someone to be gay you are either born that way or youre not...
Quoting aurora405:
Quoting notjstanothrmom:
I think you're weird for thinking there is a problem with boys playing with girls things. WE decide what is girly and boyish as a society. My son is a boys boy and dresses up in his sisters dress up clothes and shoes and plays with dolls and her vise versa with the trucks and trains and dirt.
I think not allowing such behavior is asking for confidence issues. That is not how people become gay
I dont think she's weird for asking this... in our society it's easy to feel this way and she is not disallowing it either. Also you can not make or condition someone to be gay you are either born that way or youre not...
I tihnk you have a healthy attitude about this. That it's a problem in your head, and not his. Acceptance doesn't come naturally for everyone, and I think it's amazing that You are trying to find a way to get over this. Have you ever heard about "My Princess Boy?" There is a woman who wrote a book for her son, who wears dresses, and plays basketball, and loves glitter... It's just who she is, not her son, that gets in the way. You might find some comfort in it :) In the meantime, be proud of yourself that you are willing to support your sons decisions even if it's not what YOU would do <3
I don't get the big deal. It's ok for girls to play with boy toys but in society it's not ok for boys to play with girl toys. We let our son play with whatever he wants, he loves his trucks, super heros, playing in the garage with daddy and TONS of other boy things. But he likes painting his sisters toe nails and fingernails and playing dress up with his sister. He likes wearing the high heals and walking around the house. It's a phase, it's really not that big of a deal.
I really haven't understood why people make such a big deal about it, it's ok for one gender but not the other. Our society is messed up in this.
As long as he isn't doing it when he's 12-15 who cares, it's a phase and it's good for him to explore other toys and other areas of life.
I give you credit for acknowledging that it really is okay for him to be doing this, and being uncomfortable is and issue you need to work out with yourself. That's a step ahead of a lot of other parents. The fact that you are reaching out to seek help about it on top of it?
Sorry, but that shows right there that you are far from a bad mother.
Every parent has faults.. things that are silly, that they'd likely prefer their children not to be doing. So you are not alone.. be it worrying about the gender of toys they play with.. to a number of thngs.
As for advice... a lot of children play with different "gender" toys, and it's a completely normal thing. In fact it encourages them to open up their imaginations more. Most of the time, children grow out of these phases on their own, as they grow and start to really key in on their real interests.. but for now, they are just discovering parts of who they are.
Know that just because they play with the opposite genders toys, are NOT going to be like a magic ticket to make them into something different than who they are inside.
That's why it's called "make-believe." Funny how we don't think twice about it if a kid pretends he can shoot spiderwebs out of his wrists or acts like he's turning green. But radar perks up if they pretend to be a girl.
Or...maybe he'll grow up to be gay. It happens. Whether it's make believe or his brain doing what it will always do, there's not thing one you can do to change it. So just start practicing now to be his biggest cheerleader/defender ever. Seems to me that you are already on the right track. Good Luck!
shoe tying
- carrie110
on Jun. 22, 2012 at 5:21 PM