Need advice about handling a tattletale.

[CarlysMommy1]

Hi moms, I need some advice.

DD (almost 6) is in her school's summer camp and one little girl, who was in her kindergarten class, is always coming up to me tattling to me about my daughter when I get there to pick her up.  She's always telling my that DD is mean to her and calls her names.  We're not talking about 4-letter words here, just silly words that 5 and 6 year olds make up (yesterday it was bootybutt).  I always tell DD that it's not nice for her to call people names even if they're being mean to her.  DD has also repeatedly told me, since about halfway through last school year, that this little girl is mean to her and sometimes won't let her play with some of the other girls.  So, I tell her that if someone is being mean to her that she should find someone else to play with that is nice to her.  I think my daughter and this other little girl are kind of like oil and water - they're both sweet girls, but they just don't get along very well.

I'm sure my daughter's not completely innocent, but I don't think the other little girl is either.  I've asked the camp counselors about DD's behavior and they say that she's been having pretty good days.  If anything big happened I'm confident that they would tell me about it.  Anyway, I'm tired of this little girl continually coming up to me and tattling on DD but I'm not sure how to discourage it.  As I mentioned before, I talk to DD about name calling but I'm not going to discipline her for something that I didn't witness and that the camp counselors haven't mentioned to me.  What would you say to a child that repeatedly came up to you to tattle on your child about little things?

[our3]

I would fist emphasize to my DD name calling of anykind  is considered bullying and not to do it. I would then , the next time the little girl ran to me, tell her she needs to speak to an adult at the camp before she come back tattling to you. I would then talk to one of the people in charge and explain the issue. Maybe they can talk to the little girl and watch to make sure everything stays good.

[RhondaVeggie]

Just need her that it's not nice to tattle and it's especially not nice to make up stories. A girl in my sons class tried that on me, she was picking on him and making up stories and eventually decided to come right to me with them. She was very obviously lying, saying that he was picking his nose and wiping it on the desk when I know he freaks and washes his hands if he gets a little on them while blowing or wiping, so I nipped it in the bud. After I set her straight I had a word with the teacher who said they had been having an issue with her behavior. After my little talk that little brat stopped picking on my kid so much. I don't know if I straightened her up or if she just moved to a different target but it sure was nice not having to hear about her lies every afternoon after school.

[Buggy979]

This Is what I would to...

Quoting chinosruca:

Just tell the othef girl you don't want to hear it. Before she opens her mouth, tell her if she is going to say something about your daughter, to stay quiet. Kids don't tattle tale to me. They know how much I don't care.

[sunflowers12]

My youngest dd had this type of situation from a girl in her kinder year constantly try to get my dd in trouble for everything under the sun.. dd in her didn't get along but my dd was not being mean just ignored her more or less... Anyway when ever I would go to the class she was constantly telling on my dd she did this n that .. I finally said "did your momma tell you its rude to tell on people all the time". Never heard another word!!

[Tracys2]

Yeah, it's good to explain to the kid you don't want to hear it and why. I was an only child, and had no clue what tattling was- because of course, for most only children, it just doesn't come up in their daily lives. In fact, I still really don't know what it is/isn't. I think that my kids telling on their sister for eating their candy is tattling, but I'm not sure if it is, when they're telling on their sister when she's climbing on the back of the toilet, or if someone is hurting someone else (or soemthing else dangerous). Some things, I do want to know. It's a mystery. I try to make my husband deal with that, so he can decide if it's good telling or bad tattling.

I was always too shy to tell people things as a child, but I would have appreciated it if someone had told me what tattling was and not to do it.

[Bieg9093]

 In the specific situation you're describing, my first guess is that this little kid is a power-monger and uses the threat "I'm going to tell your mommy on you" to make the other kids on the playground bend to her will.

I'm not sure exactly what I would do, but what I absolutely wouldn't do is discipline or discuss with my own kid in earshot of this child.

Since this has become a long-standing routine with this kid, I think I'd turn the tables a bit and engage both girls in a conversation about who did what NICE things in school today.  Let them take turns telling you about times that day when they gave a friend a happy face.

[bleumonster]

I'm with the others. When a child comes to me to tattle about one of my children, I interrupt and ask if there is bleeding or if the child is hurt. When the child says no, I say then I don't want to hear it. It usually stops the problem.

[soymujer]

For my kids since they are siblings, the person who tattles gets to pick the punishment but they also get the punishment.  My kids haven't tattled for quite a while!

[Cara5]

I would just be dismissive of her comments. "Mmmhmm, okay."  Or you could tell her that you will only do something about it if one of the teachers is the one to tell you, and that she needs to tell the teacher when it happens, not wait to tell you. 

[maxswolfsuit]

I would just say, "Thank you for telling me, Bottybutt," and leave it at that.