Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

BM doesn't use car seat or seatbelt!

Posted by   + Show Post

What do we do if DD says her BM doesn't put her in a carseat or make her wear a seatbelt?? She is 6 years old, 54 pounds. BM and my DH share 50/50 joint custody of child, but they have a trial coming in November because BM filed for Full custody (for no other reason than she says it's confusing to share custody. She has no real grounds to take away custody and we are asking to move her school district to ours since our district is much higher rated and BM has moved 4 time in the past 5 years to different areas). Anyways what should we do about the no car seat/seatbelt? Should we call someone? Or wait until trial to bring it up. We've never seen DD in the car so I don't know if it's true. She also claims BM doesn't bathe her or make her change her underwear daily (when we ask why she stinks or her underwear is dirty). I'm mainly concerned about no seat and especially no seatbelt! Plus BM boyfiend is a felon...does this affect DH custody case at all?? I don't know if he can use that against her. He is still asking the court to keep the 50/50 custody because it mainly works best for the child, he only wants the school district to change. What steps should we take to ensure child's safety??

by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Replies (21-28):
babyjen314
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM

Yes I am thinking the school district should be in our favor. Trial is already set for Novemeber and our lawyer notified the judge that our main concern was her education. It makes sense to me with the facts at hand. As far as BM BF goes, it's tough. I'm really not trying to make her life a living hell (even though at one point she did to me) considering she has 2 other kids with this man. If she didn't it wouldn't be a hard decision. But I definitely think it's sketchy that they have so much debt and yet are always getting new cars and moving. I don't get how your credit is obviously horrible since I can see all your credit cards being put online when they took you to court to collect. And you have 2 other kids. And he works at Applebees and she works from home. I think he does other "endeavors" but thats all just suspicion. Plus she has been in contempt of court before, and continues to do it. And everytime she does we notify the police and her district says we are supposed to file in our district and our district says we are supposed to file in hers. We get the runaround so we gave up and I keep a journal with names of officers to reference if ever needed. Being on the side of the man you almost never win. Luckily she's so out of line and does things that don't make sense a lot of people call her bluff right away. So we'll see I'll definitely keep everyone posted. Thanks

Quoting maidjillian:

I'm sure the boyfriend being a felon will be bad for her.  She'll be told that dd will not be allowed near boyfriend when it is her turn for a visit.  If they are living together, he will have to move out, or not be there during visitation.  It's possible she won't abide by that ruling and then she'll lose custody because she'll choose her man over her dd- that happens a lot. 

Make a list of your concerns you want brought up in court (Including carseats and her lack of stable home).  The judge will order that seatbelts and carseats be used at all times.  Then if dd says they are not being used you can report it and she'll be in contempt of court.  Also, if the judge sees she has not had a permanent home constistently and YOU have that should help you get her to your school district.  If you put it not ONLY is it a better school, but she won't be likely to switch schools more often, the judge will like that.

Good luck!


MommaLehr
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Document document document!!!

Every time DD says something, write it down. If you don't see a car seat, write it down. New/old car, different address, write it down. Dirty undies, write it down. Date, time, exact words, who all heard it. If you see suspicious bruises, snap a pic and write it down. Bring any and all police reports, court docs and your journal to the lawyer.

Go for split custody, primary residence with you. You aren't taking her away from her mom, you are ensuring her happiness and security.

I might call the non emergency police number and report that DD wasn't buckled in her car seat, direction headed and license plate car make/model.

Good luck!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
babyjen314
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:43 AM

Yes I have been documenting for 5 years now since the very first day BM first acted out. Never any bruises but I will start writing down more things she says. We have split custody now but BM filed for full. We are still asking for spilt which I think shows a lot. I think BM has plenty of things she could do better at but I think she deserves at least 50/50. If not the custody definitely should come this way. She has 2 other kids and I think sometimes BM feels like what she doesn't do for DD we will so she neglects some aspects of her everyday care. Clothes that are too small, shoes too small, dirty undies, no bath, dirty hair, etc. That's her main fault is just everyday hygiene. I don't see that as grounds for taking her custody away but if it came down to it then our house would definitely be better fit. I'm also concerned the judge may want to keep DD with her siblings though :/ She's already been in contempt in multiple ways (filing taxes on DH year, withholding custody, failing to provide copies of medical and educational documents). And I have thought about calling the local police because they could be there when she comes to pick up DD to see the car seat for themselves. Then I would have proof when we go to court that she doesn't use one. I need to see for myself first I never walk up to the car but next time I will.

Quoting MommaLehr:

Document document document!!!

Every time DD says something, write it down. If you don't see a car seat, write it down. New/old car, different address, write it down. Dirty undies, write it down. Date, time, exact words, who all heard it. If you see suspicious bruises, snap a pic and write it down. Bring any and all police reports, court docs and your journal to the lawyer.

Go for split custody, primary residence with you. You aren't taking her away from her mom, you are ensuring her happiness and security.

I might call the non emergency police number and report that DD wasn't buckled in her car seat, direction headed and license plate car make/model.

Good luck!


janitablue
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 11:20 AM

If you can not afford a lawyer each state has legal aide. A legal aide goes by your income. Good luck what is a bm?

Quoting Hottubgodess:

And when she is picked up see if there is a car seat and snap pics. Pics are proof - hearsay is not.

Quoting snowangel1979:

You could talk to your lawyer and get no co-habitation clause put in there.
She could not live with anyone unless they're married.
And put in there where the child can't be around any known felon. Yes, it effects his case if BM is shacking up with felons..
I think the courts will dismiss the bathing Ect. Unless you have proff like pictures.

Please explain why Dh isn't just going for full custody? I'm only hearing one side but it sounds like DD would be better living full time with dad over mom.



savannahmom2011
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 11:29 AM

i would talk to your attorney today and ask him and tell him what you know

Hottubgodess
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Baby mom or birth mom

Quoting janitablue:

If you can not afford a lawyer each state has legal aide. A legal aide goes by your income. Good luck what is a bm?


Quoting Hottubgodess:

And when she is picked up see if there is a car seat and snap pics. Pics are proof - hearsay is not.


Quoting snowangel1979:

You could talk to your lawyer and get no co-habitation clause put in there.
She could not live with anyone unless they're married.
And put in there where the child can't be around any known felon. Yes, it effects his case if BM is shacking up with felons..
I think the courts will dismiss the bathing Ect. Unless you have proff like pictures.

Please explain why Dh isn't just going for full custody? I'm only hearing one side but it sounds like DD would be better living full time with dad over mom.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
court_1989
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 5:57 PM
Quoting PinkParadox:

I would report it honestly. I mean, consult a lawyer...but no carseat is illegal. You might get in trouble too for letting it go in so long and not reporting it.

sandra1023
by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 6:03 PM

If there is an upcoming custody hearing the child should have a Guardian Ad Litem appointed for her.  Contact your lawyer or the court to find out who it is.  Or take the concerns up with your lawyer.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)