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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

BM doesn't use car seat or seatbelt!

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:30 AM
  • 28 Replies

What do we do if DD says her BM doesn't put her in a carseat or make her wear a seatbelt?? She is 6 years old, 54 pounds. BM and my DH share 50/50 joint custody of child, but they have a trial coming in November because BM filed for Full custody (for no other reason than she says it's confusing to share custody. She has no real grounds to take away custody and we are asking to move her school district to ours since our district is much higher rated and BM has moved 4 time in the past 5 years to different areas). Anyways what should we do about the no car seat/seatbelt? Should we call someone? Or wait until trial to bring it up. We've never seen DD in the car so I don't know if it's true. She also claims BM doesn't bathe her or make her change her underwear daily (when we ask why she stinks or her underwear is dirty). I'm mainly concerned about no seat and especially no seatbelt! Plus BM boyfiend is a felon...does this affect DH custody case at all?? I don't know if he can use that against her. He is still asking the court to keep the 50/50 custody because it mainly works best for the child, he only wants the school district to change. What steps should we take to ensure child's safety??

by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chris13
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:36 AM

 don't they have a child advocate in cases like this? record what you are being told and keep it in hand in case they ask for reason for child custody to be denied. don't attack but do record and possibly request that the matter be investigated further for the reasons mentioned. the instability of BM situation would bring cause for concern

SahmTam
by Tammy on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:37 AM

 With custody issues I assume you have a lawyer? I think the best first step is to talk to them about how to proceed.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:41 AM

I would be consulting a lawyer.

PinkParadox
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I would report it honestly. I mean, consult a lawyer...but no carseat is illegal. You might get in trouble too for letting it go in so long and not reporting it.
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babyjen314
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:46 AM

They would have a Guardian Ad Litem but my lawyer opted out for the sake of the cost. Yes I do have a lawyer he's just expensive to talk to >.< But he will have a meeting with a mediator maybe he could bring his concern up then. And yes BM claimed on her custody petition that father was unstable and yet she has moved 4-5 times, switched the childs school in the middle of the year her first year of kindergarten, and between her and her BF they've had 5 different cars in the past 3-4 years. She has never told us why she's moved, never gave us proper notcie, or notified the court. Which is why we want her to go to school here, plus our district is awarded by the state and known for being a good district (her's not as much). But the car safety and personal hygiene are also big concerns of mine. DD claims she may take 1 bath during her week stay at Moms, if that. And she's staetd BM only lets her change her underwear when she bathes, which she apparently doesn't d much of. I will see if he can bring it up to the Mediator. He just doesn't like to be the one "tattliing" and feeling lke he's trying to throw her under the bus. 

babyjen314
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:47 AM

I just don't know who to report it to... CPS?? Maybe I'll give my lawyer a call and pay him $20 to tell me...Lol

snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:05 AM
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You could talk to your lawyer and get no co-habitation clause put in there.
She could not live with anyone unless they're married.
And put in there where the child can't be around any known felon. Yes, it effects his case if BM is shacking up with felons..
I think the courts will dismiss the bathing Ect. Unless you have proff like pictures.

Please explain why Dh isn't just going for full custody? I'm only hearing one side but it sounds like DD would be better living full time with dad over mom.
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mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:13 AM

There seems to be a lot of hearsay.  I am sure that you have the girl's best interest's at heart, but you have to have proof and even then, the birth mother tends to have more pull.  Your best bet is a lawyer and a lot of evidence.

Hottubgodess
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
And when she is picked up see if there is a car seat and snap pics. Pics are proof - hearsay is not.

Quoting snowangel1979:

You could talk to your lawyer and get no co-habitation clause put in there.
She could not live with anyone unless they're married.
And put in there where the child can't be around any known felon. Yes, it effects his case if BM is shacking up with felons..
I think the courts will dismiss the bathing Ect. Unless you have proff like pictures.

Please explain why Dh isn't just going for full custody? I'm only hearing one side but it sounds like DD would be better living full time with dad over mom.
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babyjen314
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:53 PM

Yes he wouldnt ask for full custody unless they had to choose one household, then obviously yes he'd want it to be our house. He just doesn't want to take DD from BM. Yes I think she'd be better off being in our home but I think it takes a lot to TAKE CUSTODY away from someone, from what they already have, unless you have good cause and proof. I don't know about snapping pictures she'd probably go buy a carseat then. I'd rather have a cop or someone see in person when she comes to pick up DD. She does live with her other BF however they have 2 other kids together (shes 24). I don't think she's a bad mother I just think she makes some bad decisions. I know the no bathing thing is hearsay which is why we've never brought it up before. It's petty stuff that can't be proven. Although the carseat/seatbelt thing really bothers me. She has also gotten into a fight with me once before and the cops were called to our home because of it. Because I took DD hair down after BM did it. She also kicked my car once trying to fight me and I'm currently waiting (2 years ago) on the payment from that. She tends to complain about things like him not informaing her about things such as taking her to a doctor (even though he writes her and says "Ill be taking her to the doctor soon") and yet she has never once told him when she goes to get her shots. We even wrote about 3 letters asking for a copy of DD immunization records and we finally after about a year had to get them from her school. All of this is, as non compliant as she is, is not grounds for taking away her custody she already has. I wish DH could get full custody unfortunately it's very hard for a man to prove the BM is unfit to have at least 50/50. I know DD would be super upset if BM got full custody, as she always complains about going to Moms, saying she gets whoopings and is treated unfair by BM BF compared to their other daughter. However over here she is an only child and I'm sure she feels spoiled. I will defintely write lawyer and ask about what to do about carseat, and let him know BM BF is a felon, to see if that can work in DH favor. BM is very controlling and especially when it comes to me (SM). I've never been in her shoes so I can't judge her actions, but it has been 6 years and she still won't accept the fact I'm here to stay. And I have kept a journal since the first "fight" in 2007. Basically about issues that have arised and custody disputes. I learned that rule early on! 

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