Advice???

[x4daughtersx]

Hello,

I am a single mother of four girls all from age 11years and under. It's not easy to raise four kids by myself but I do the best I can.

School is out for them and summer is here.  Do your kids fight all the time? Seems like summer vacation is worse and they just fight over little things. I have been trying to raise them not to fight and love each other but sometime I just want to pull my hair out. Over the last two days, I have planned to take them to the lake one day and pool the next. Unfortunately, they started fighting so my punishment was not to go to the lake. I can't have them fight then pretend everything is okay and go to the lake. They were not happy with my decision but they need to learn it's not okay to fight. I had a nice talk with them the other night about what they did wrong and if they continue to fight then we will continue not to go anywhere. Here we are today and I literally reminded them no fighting today or we don't go to the pool. So here we go again, two of my youngest started fighting(basically arguing and staying stuff to each other).

I know every parents have different technique on discipline but what is your advice.. I don't punish my kids with spanking or any hands on, so please don't advice me with this. I am looking for other solutions.. I know I can take something away from them but I just don't think it will work. My kids always comes down stairs and write 100 times saying "I am sorry" but for me that is not good enough because they just fight again... I really want my kids to grow up and love each other, help each other and the most important is get along...

Any advice???

[young_lv_mom]

I read one mom on here in the past suggest making the kids hold hands for a set amount of time, I think it might work for you. As for the pool I would still take them but make the ones fighting sit out and read or write "I will not fight" so many times befor they can get in the water. I hope it gets better for you GL

[mumsy2three]

How about instead of having them write I'm sorry have the sisters that are fighting with each other write 10 different positive things about the sister that she is fighting with. Then have them read their lists to each other. Not sure if it will help them to stop fighting but maybe if they point out the positives about one another they can call a truce sometimes.

[JulesFairy]

You may not like my advice but here it is... You have four girls. They are going to be siblings, I haven't met any who didn't fight or argue about something. And the more they stay cooped up in the house, the more they are going to get on each other's nerves. I am right there with you about some things have to be done since I have two young girls and a husband who travels a lot for work, so sometimes its just me and them. And there are some things that are fun and can be sacrificed for a learning moment. But cancelling ways for them to get out and enjoy each other in a different setting may not have the intended result. I would say to try the hugging for a set amount of time. Or going and making them complete a positive list before they can join in like the pp have suggested. I would also suggest maybe doing an earn it chart or jar... so many stickers or marbles for doing nice things for one another and they can earn the trip to the lake or pool. Or sort of the reverse of that, if they are fighting they have to do one nice thing for the person they were fighting with to show that fights do not mean I do not love you.

And that is an important point... Fighting/ arguing doesn't mean I don't love you. Kids are people, and we don't always like each other or get along, it doesn't mean that they are growing up to be hateful or mean to each other. My husband and his brothers fought terribly when they were younger, but were thick as thieves then and even closer now. I think its a sibling thing. Best of luck to you.

[auroragold]

I agree with much of what Jules ^^ said.  Holding hands, writing sorry, I love you, etc don't really mean much to them at this age.

My question is  - - what are they doing outside of these trips? How do they keep busy at home before and after? Do you have anything structured for them to do  or are they left to manage on their own?

While I would expect you want them to figure out how to do things on their own, sounds like they may benefit from a little imposed structure for a bit...

[AidanTiarra]

The busier they are the less time they have to fight. I would also set up some alone time for each of them everyday. Let the other kids know that so and so needs to be left alone from this time to that time. Believe it or not this is one of the best things that helped mine. Just like 15-20 minutes a day helps a ton. We also have rock jars in our kitchen. When they do something good they get to put a rock in and when they do something wrong I take one out. When it's full they get some sort of treat...a small toy, stay up late, extra tv or game time... Also my sister and I are 2 years (almost) apart and we fought like crazy when we were little but now we are tge best of friends, so don't worry too much about their bonds or anything part of it is just being a kid

[mama_desi]

I make my kids if they fight sit and hold hands for a period of time. Also give each other hugs and kisses. The are still pretty young but they do not like it when they have to be nice and hold hands. It works for me when they fight it might work for you.

[my4littlegirls]

I have 5 kids ages 16 down to 2. It's just their nature to fight. I had 3 sisters and that's all we did when we were all home together. I have been trying to get my kids out and doing different things but it doesn't always happen.
Good luck

[indymom72]

My kids drive me to drink with the fighting...the last couple nights I've been taking the boys for walks.  Since they are little, we only do a 1/2 mile, but it wears them out.  The change of scenery works wonders!!

[x4daughtersx]

Thanks ladies for all your advice.... I will try them and see what works best.....

[lillady398]

Honestly, I dont see no way around this situation due to the fact that you have 4 girls and girls argrue. All I can suggest is teaching them better ways to handle their dissagreements. Im sorry to tell you but with 4 girls the fighting will get worser the older they get because lets face it females are fussy and hormonal. Good luck with trying to change that.