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UPDATED 7/26 - HELP! 10 yr old nephew coercing cousins to show/play with their privates!

Posted by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:36 AM
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7/26 - Child Protective Services has been called.  My mother chose to do it, she did not want me to have to make that call.    My mother spoke to the therapist this morning, to give him information on my sister and her kids and this whole unbelievable situation.  From his reaction it does not appear that my sister has shared the whole story with him.  She is believing what her children are telling her, that it was no more than a truth or dare game.    My sister has met with the therapist twice this week, I don't believe either of her children have been included at this point.  

7/23 My mother went over and spoke to my sister this afternoon. There were stupid comments made by both my sister and her husband. They would not let my mother take the kids out to dinner, not sure what they are afraid of.

My sister did meet with a therapist today at 6pm (my mother was spying on her to make sure she went). I have not heard how that went.

eta- I justheard, my nephew will also be seeing the therapist. Not sure when his first appointment is going to be.

7/22 Update:

I thank you all for your help and advice.

I understand EVERYTHING that was said, from the nice to the extremely harsh.  I even understand our two doubters, although one day it would be nice to hear them say they were wrong. :)

In my head I know calling cps is the right thing to do.  My heart is breaking over that decision.  I know my sister will never understand and will probably never speak to me again.

My mother is going to my sister's home tomorrow to discuss therapy for my nephew and niece as well as my sister and her husband.  If they refuse I will make the call to cps.  

I am so sick over this incident I can't even see straight. 

The story is that my 10yr old nephew coerced my 8 yr old dd, his 7 yr old sister and 6 yr old male cousin to expose their privates.  He apparently touched my dd's privates and asked her if it 'felt good'.  He and his 7 yr old sister put their mouths on each others privates.  He also had a private incident with the 6 yr old male cousin where he convinced the 6yr old to 'kiss' him on the front and back of the private area.

I am so upset/angry/sick...  My nephew is a problem child and totally controls my sister.  She has been in denial for so long with his behavior issues, she used to say 'oh, he's just a boy'.   She NEVER follows thru with her threats of discipline.   My brother already talked to her about this and she said, well J said it only happened once.  Now we know he lied to her face and of course she bought it.  

What do I do???  How do I make my sister understand that no one wants their kids around her son?  She needs to address his behavior and her lack of control!

I am sorry if this is all jumbles, I am just so distraught.  

I welcome any/all advice!



by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:36 AM
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by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:39 AM
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If this truly happened then I would call the authorities and get them involved. I would sit them all down and ask them in front of your sister what happened.

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:40 AM
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Damn..the kid needs counseling! You need to sit your kids down and tell them that this NOT okay and they should always tell an adult if its brought up as "play". Also, I wouldn't let my kids around him or they have to be outside or where I can see them. Bedroom doors are always left open in our house. Except ours of course. Good luck! Been there
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by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:44 AM
Omgosh I'm so sorry that happened to ur kids! I think I would take them to counciling. Hugs.
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by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:50 AM

I agree with the counseling!  I don't agree with my sister's parenting style, she lets her son totally manipulate her.  She NEVER follows thru on threatened punishment.  Her response to any of his behavior issues was, 'he's just a boy'.  I love my sister, and don't want to alienate her, but I have to think of my daughter first.  

My brother's wife became physically sick over this whole thing.  They are refusing to let their son in the same house as my nephew, not that I can blame them.

We have always been a close family and it is not uncommon to have the cousins have sleepovers at each other house. 

I am still so upset and just don't know what to do.

(I haven't told my husband yet, but he is going to FREAK!)

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:45 AM
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I would get the authorities involved.
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by Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:45 AM
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I would just bring it up gently if you can.  Perhaps stage some sort of intervention w/out the children present with you, your husband, your BIL and SIL who's son was also involved. You can all write her something then leave the choice up to her as to how she deals with it. Let her know exactly how you will be handling the situation. This is serious and it needs to be treated as such.

"Sis I need to talk to you it's about DN. When they were all together the other day XYZ happened. I know you say DN is just being a boy but this is so far beyond that. He needs some counseling because he is out of control. We all love you and are willing to support you in anyway we can, but until you get DN's behavior under control we will no longer be able to allow our children to be around each other. I don't want to alienate you but this is how it has to be for the safety of my children, they come first. I'm sorry, I love you, please get DN some help because we love him too and he is not on a good path.'

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:50 AM
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Seriously? Kids don't come up with this on their own. Most likely he was abused sexually and is projecting it on the other kids. Call the cops and whatever family and children services office is available in your area. Then tell your sister why you did it. Be honest but don't freak all over her because she will be dealing with her own guilt. Don't freak out (or allow someone else to freak) all over the kid, this will only beget more wierdness and make things worse.
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by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 12:06 PM
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If your sister is not doing anything about this you need to report it for the protection of you niece and even for the protection of your 10 year old nephew. This is not normal exploratory behavior. He is most likely abusing his sister. He most likly has experienced some abuse himself. Obviously the other kids can not be around him alone - I don't think I would be able to let my kids play alone with him ever again, even if he does get help.

Talk to you DD, let her know that you are not mad at her, but what happened was wrong and was something children should never do. Let her know you are proud of her for coming to you and telling you about it and that if anyone, child or adult, ever asks her to do anything she is uncomfortable with, she should say no and go and talk to you right away. Answer any questions she has and consider having her talk to a counselor if she still seems confused, upset, or has changes in her mood or behavior.
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:02 PM

Quoting MamaWolf01:

the kids said he forced them?

It was more of a peer pressure type thing than being 'forced'.  More like 'I won't be your friend if you don't..."

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:03 PM

Quoting PinkParadox:

I would get the authorities involved.

What will that accomplish??

They are in elementary school - if this was a high school or even junior high aged child I might consider it, but 6-10 yr old??

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