Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

UPDATED 7/26 - HELP! 10 yr old nephew coercing cousins to show/play with their privates!

Posted by   + Show Post

7/26 - Child Protective Services has been called.  My mother chose to do it, she did not want me to have to make that call.    My mother spoke to the therapist this morning, to give him information on my sister and her kids and this whole unbelievable situation.  From his reaction it does not appear that my sister has shared the whole story with him.  She is believing what her children are telling her, that it was no more than a truth or dare game.    My sister has met with the therapist twice this week, I don't believe either of her children have been included at this point.  


7/23 My mother went over and spoke to my sister this afternoon. There were stupid comments made by both my sister and her husband. They would not let my mother take the kids out to dinner, not sure what they are afraid of.

My sister did meet with a therapist today at 6pm (my mother was spying on her to make sure she went). I have not heard how that went.

eta- I justheard, my nephew will also be seeing the therapist. Not sure when his first appointment is going to be.


7/22 Update:

I thank you all for your help and advice.

I understand EVERYTHING that was said, from the nice to the extremely harsh.  I even understand our two doubters, although one day it would be nice to hear them say they were wrong. :)

In my head I know calling cps is the right thing to do.  My heart is breaking over that decision.  I know my sister will never understand and will probably never speak to me again.

My mother is going to my sister's home tomorrow to discuss therapy for my nephew and niece as well as my sister and her husband.  If they refuse I will make the call to cps.  

I am so sick over this incident I can't even see straight. 

The story is that my 10yr old nephew coerced my 8 yr old dd, his 7 yr old sister and 6 yr old male cousin to expose their privates.  He apparently touched my dd's privates and asked her if it 'felt good'.  He and his 7 yr old sister put their mouths on each others privates.  He also had a private incident with the 6 yr old male cousin where he convinced the 6yr old to 'kiss' him on the front and back of the private area.

I am so upset/angry/sick...  My nephew is a problem child and totally controls my sister.  She has been in denial for so long with his behavior issues, she used to say 'oh, he's just a boy'.   She NEVER follows thru with her threats of discipline.   My brother already talked to her about this and she said, well J said it only happened once.  Now we know he lied to her face and of course she bought it.  

What do I do???  How do I make my sister understand that no one wants their kids around her son?  She needs to address his behavior and her lack of control!

I am sorry if this is all jumbles, I am just so distraught.  

I welcome any/all advice!

TIA

Mary

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:36 AM
Replies (21-30):
kiwipez
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting KimberlyK:

Quoting kiwipez:




Getting the "authorities involved" at this age is not like sending a teen to jail. The authorities will evaluate the situation, make sure the boy gets the help he needs, maybe take him out of the home if he is a danger to his sister, get the sister into counseling, and get some resources and education for mom - as well as setting some requirements and accountability for mom - all in an effort to stop this before it becomes something much, much worse.

It's really hard for me to process that this is happening to someone in my family.  It is easy for someone on the outside to say this child needs to be removed from the house...and I've said the same thing regarding others as well.  BUT, these are things that happen to other people, not me!!  (Yes, maybe some denial from me also)

I will keep that option open for now.

DeannaSpann
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:18 PM

Wow...I knew these people that were brother and sister and everyone thought they were having sex. Turns out that they had been doing this since childhood. A little over a year ago, she had his baby. She had just turned 18. I would suggest getting him into some kind of therapy and if his mother refuses, I would call the authorities before it goes any further.  I know it's hard to do, but you will be protecting his sister, and helping him. Yes, I am sure your sister will be furious, but it is the right thing to do.

PinkParadox
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:18 PM
You need to protect him, your children and others. What you will really hate is if something else happens, because at that point you are also responsible.

Quoting kiwipez:



Quoting PinkParadox:

If his parent cannot parent, someone needs to step in and take control. What happens when he does this or worse to someone that's not family.
Quoting kiwipez:







Quoting PinkParadox:

I would get the authorities involved.

What will that accomplish??

They are in elementary school - if this was a high school or even junior high aged child I might consider it, but 6-10 yr old??


We have always question her parenting style - or lack thereof.  I would really hate to have to call an outside authority, but understand your point.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
WesternNYmom
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:35 PM
2 moms liked this

First of all, I would not allow my  kids anywhere near this kid. That kid needs counseling, and the longer your sister denys that there is and issue, the worse it is going to get.  Your niece also needs counseling, to help her understand that what her brother is doing to her isn't natural.

blue52
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 1:50 PM
4 moms liked this

 

Quoting kiwipez:

 

I am so sick over this incident I can't even see straight. 

The story is that my 10yr old nephew coerced my 8 yr old dd, his 7 yr old sister and 6 yr old male cousin to expose their privates.  He apparently touched my dd's privates and asked her if it 'felt good'.  He and his 7 yr old sister put their mouths on each others privates.  He also had a private incident with the 6 yr old male cousin where he convinced the 6yr old to 'kiss' him on the front and back of the private area.

I am so upset/angry/sick...  My nephew is a problem child and totally controls my sister.  She has been in denial for so long with his behavior issues, she used to say 'oh, he's just a boy'.   She NEVER follows thru with her threats of discipline.   My brother already talked to her about this and she said, well J said it only happened once.  Now we know he lied to her face and of course she bought it.  

What do I do???  How do I make my sister understand that no one wants their kids around her son?  She needs to address his behavior and her lack of control!

I am sorry if this is all jumbles, I am just so distraught.  

I welcome any/all advice!

TIA

Mary

 I am sorry that I come across as a skeptic. Too many times I have seen posts on Cafemom of drama just to draw activity to a group...I dont know maybe its people who seek attention..either way IF I am wrong in being judgemental that this post is almost unbelieveable...please forgive me.

I highlighted in RED...what concerns me about this post. You say you are upset, etc.....IF this happened to your (dd) which to my understanding means (darling daughter).....I would be not just upset. I would be FURIOUS and there would be action!!

WHY? are you more concerned with talking with your sister about her child and her parenting skills? WHY are you concerned with everyone but your daughter??

IF this happened to your child then you should go straight to the police and make a report. By you NOT doing something is telling YOUR daughter that its okay for a family member to sexually abuse you and that no one will do anything.........

WHO CARES???? about your sister??? I would let the authorities deal with her and her child. I would stay clear of her and would NEVER allow my child to be around them again....

Havent you ever talked with your child about what is okay and what is NOT okay when it comes to their private parts??? and how that NO ONE should ever be looking or touching them especially other children??

As I said I just have a hard time believing that ADULTS...are so naive and would even be asking for advice on what to do.....and not doing something..

FYI for anyone...who doesnt know this. This kind of stuff is NOT NORMAL!!!!!

I will also go as far to say that as a CITIZEN any type of BAD behavior like this should be reported to the proper authorities...and if not that CITIZEN is just as guilty for allowing it....

BLUE

KimberlyK
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 2:20 PM
3 moms liked this
Quoting kiwipez:




I can understand how hard and unbelievable this must be for you, but getting your nephew good, consistent help right away is the greatest blessing you can give him and you will most likely be protecting many other children from being victimized in the coming years. People don't just snap and become sexual preditors overnight. This is how it starts. It may seem that it is not so serious right now - but this is the point in time when something can be done to stop this from happening to your nephew. Think of how it will feel if nothing is done nd he is arrested at 18 and faces decades in prison - please don't feel like you are betraying you Sister or nephew. By making sure he gets help right now - you may save them both from a lifetime of tragedy.

If you can't bring yourself to make that call, consider having you DD talk with a trained counselor. You will have the peace of mind that DD is getting some good guidance for processing all of this, and a professional can give you a better understanding of the entire situation, including how to talk to your sister. If the counselor thinks this meets the criteria for endangerment or abuse of children, he or she will make the referral to CPS as a mandatory reporter.

I wish you and your family the best possible outcome from this incident.
kiwipez
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting blue52:

 

Quoting kiwipez:


I am so sick over this incident I can't even see straight. 

The story is that my 10yr old nephew coerced my 8 yr old dd, his 7 yr old sister and 6 yr old male cousin to expose their privates.  He apparently touched my dd's privates and asked her if it 'felt good'.  He and his 7 yr old sister put their mouths on each others privates.  He also had a private incident with the 6 yr old male cousin where he convinced the 6yr old to 'kiss' him on the front and back of the private area.

I am so upset/angry/sick...  My nephew is a problem child and totally controls my sister.  She has been in denial for so long with his behavior issues, she used to say 'oh, he's just a boy'.   She NEVER follows thru with her threats of discipline.   My brother already talked to her about this and she said, well J said it only happened once.  Now we know he lied to her face and of course she bought it.  

What do I do???  How do I make my sister understand that no one wants their kids around her son?  She needs to address his behavior and her lack of control!

I am sorry if this is all jumbles, I am just so distraught.  

I welcome any/all advice!

TIA

Mary

 I am sorry that I come across as a skeptic. Too many times I have seen posts on Cafemom of drama just to draw activity to a group...I dont know maybe its people who seek attention..either way IF I am wrong in being judgemental that this post is almost unbelieveable...please forgive me.

I highlighted in RED...what concerns me about this post. You say you are upset, etc.....IF this happened to your (dd) which to my understanding means (darling daughter).....I would be not just upset. I would be FURIOUS and there would be action!!

WHY? are you more concerned with talking with your sister about her child and her parenting skills? WHY are you concerned with everyone but your daughter??

IF this happened to your child then you should go straight to the police and make a report. By you NOT doing something is telling YOUR daughter that its okay for a family member to sexually abuse you and that no one will do anything.........

WHO CARES???? about your sister??? I would let the authorities deal with her and her child. I would stay clear of her and would NEVER allow my child to be around them again....

Havent you ever talked with your child about what is okay and what is NOT okay when it comes to their private parts??? and how that NO ONE should ever be looking or touching them especially other children??

As I said I just have a hard time believing that ADULTS...are so naive and would even be asking for advice on what to do.....and not doing something..

FYI for anyone...who doesnt know this. This kind of stuff is NOT NORMAL!!!!!

I will also go as far to say that as a CITIZEN any type of BAD behavior like this should be reported to the proper authorities...and if not that CITIZEN is just as guilty for allowing it....

BLUE

I did ask for any/all advice...


I understand this isn't normal, if it was I don't think I would be asking for help.  

Your assumption that I am not caring about my daughter is just that, an assumption.  You don't know me or my husband nor how we parent.  That is not what I am asking for help with

My problem is that I care very deeply for my entire family.  We are all extremely close, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have contact with my mother, brother and/or sister.   I am sick because this is something that is affecting all of us and needs to be fixed.  I can't turn my back on my family.   



blue52
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting kiwipez:

 

Quoting blue52:

 

Quoting kiwipez:

 

I did ask for any/all advice...

 

I understand this isn't normal, if it was I don't think I would be asking for help.  

Your assumption that I am not caring about my daughter is just that, an assumption.  You don't know me or my husband nor how we parent.  That is not what I am asking for help with

As I stated. I was being skeptic. Based on your original post and your comments in other posts I was being judgemental on the FACT that you make this post and are only CONCERNED with your sister and her parenting...I NEVER assumed anything about YOUR parenting as YOUR not doing anything to PROTECT your child...gave a CLEAR picture ...I did not have to assume anything as you are showing more concern for your sister and her feelings....

My problem is that I care very deeply for my entire family.  We are all extremely close, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have contact with my mother, brother and/or sister.   I am sick because this is something that is affecting all of us and needs to be fixed.  I can't turn my back on my family.   

 one can still love and care for a family member and do the RIGHT thing by reporting a case of sexual abuse. Its your prerogative of how you CHOOSE to handle the situation. But as I stated before when YOU know that this BAD is going on and do nothing YOU are just as guilty.

Heaven forbid if a family member committed a crime but if it did happen dont think for a minute that I would drop them like a hot potato as my CHILD comes first...I can still care for someone but I do NOT have to condone what they do or be a party to it.....

IMO...the only way to "fix" this is to do the right thing..family or not.

 

 

kiwipez
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:56 PM
1 mom liked this

blue 52 - You are entitled to your opinion, but I find your posts offensive and very judgemental on a personal level.  If I was going to ignore this whole thing I don't think I would be here asking for advice.  Your continued assumptions that I am doing nothing are unfounded.

I am here looking for direction, this is something I have never dealt with before, and was hoping that I could receive some useful advice instead of harsh criticism.

Uzma_mom_of_2
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I would call the police and CPS. That child needs professional help, and if the parents won't step up then you need to do what's best for your children and the safety of other children.  Do not allow them into your home anymore, and do not go to their home anymore, not even for parites. This will not go away, he will only get worse.

He will become a rapist and/or pedophile if he doesn't get help now. He's already a molestor.

______________________________________________________________

 I very rarely bother to check a board twice, so debate, get mad, or whatever it is that'll make you feel better, if you don't like what I have to say, because it won't bother me :)sticking out tongue

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)