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How would you handle this's about gifts and birthday parties

my 7 yr old son was invited to his friends birthday. I asked him if he wanted to come to Target with me to pick out the gift, he said he didn't. now being I have limited income I found this toy for $5 on clearance. 

Well now my son says he doesn't want to go to the party, I know why, it because he figures this way he would get to keep this toy. He really wants it badly! I told him he hasn't seen his friends all summer ( rural area, everyone lives miles from eachother). He said it's not important and he can wait for school to start. 

he is never around any other kids! I think he needs to go just for the connection with his classmates that he hasn't seen in 6 weeks and won't again for another 6 weeks.

How do you resolve a situation in which your kid wants to keep the birthday gift and skip the party? My thinking would be to return it to the store but my husband is very weak and would expect our son to keep the toy.

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, me too.

See, if there was a party I really wanted to go to, I'd probably get so anxious I'd skip it- that's what I usually do even now. That's why I thought he might be doing that. If he knows a lot of the other kids and you could tell him a little about who and what to expect and help him visualise it being fun or at least not scary, or can go even just a few minutes early to hang out with his friend or something to calm him down, it might help. 

Avoiding the social situation, especially when he's already so isolated- could make it worse. But forcing it could make him freeze up and do whtever he does when he's panicky (vomit, diarrhea, acting out, whatever) and kind of sabotage himself.

Don't have a good answer, just throwing ideas around.

Then again, he might just want the toy :-)

Quoting wheresthewayout:

My son and the other kid have been playing together since they were babies going to the same daycare and because it's a very small town they have always been in the same classroom. They always sit together at lunch, so they are close. However I do wonder about social anxeity because I have it. He gets nervous when he doesn't know what to expect so I think he might just be nervous about what other kids will be there

Quoting Tracys2:

What she said.

Only, maybe either (1) he is/was kind of annoyed with the kid for some reason he didn't/won't tell you and really doesn't want to go or (2) he is not around other kids so he is scared to go into a group of kids (a social anxiety issue)

I'd try to check out if his issue is 1 or 2, because especially in option 2, you may want to consider him going anyway.

I agree for definitely, no keeping the toy for your son. Personally, if I decided "no party", I'd hide the toy from both my son and my husband until it was needed again for another party.

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:51 PM

You're the parent.  He's seven.  If it would be good for him to go to the party, then go to the party.  Either way, I wouldn't give him the toy.

by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:01 AM

If I thought he should go to the party, I'd have him still go.  If he didn't want to go because he wanted the toy, I'd say fine don't go and return the toy.  Absolutely, no way would I allow him to have that toy.

by Gold Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 3:17 AM
It should be his choice to whether he goes or not but he should not get the toy. That could set you up for big problems later! If you want save it for his birthday but do not tell him. ;)
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by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 3:21 AM
I buy cheap toys on clearance for future birthday parties so I would stash it
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by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 5:05 AM
This...exactly...hell would freeze over before he got that toy. If I wanted him to have it I would get another and hide it for Christmas but that one you picked goes to the birthday boy if he goes to the party or not.

Quoting banana-bear:

That's what I'd do :o)

Quoting wheresthewayout:

true, you have a point there so I guess if he doesn't go them I will just hide it for the next party he gets invited to. 

Quoting banana-bear:

Then he still wins. It's up to you what you want to do - but I would not let him get the toy that he was told he couldn't have. Sends mixed messages, KWIM?

Quoting wheresthewayout:

I was thinking of just telling him he can wait for his own birthday and then he can have it....which is down the road a ways

Quoting snowangel1979:

I would tell him your not getting the toy.

If you don't want to go fine, then you don't have to. You can go have fun or just stay home and do nothing, but your not getting the toy.

If he chooses to stay home, you can always save it for Christmas or a special reward. ( I wouldn't tell him though)

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by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 5:32 AM

I would return it.

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 9:11 AM

His choices:  go to party with the gift or go with you to return it.  

That's it.  

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 10:10 AM

Do not let him keep the toy. He is trying to manipulate the situtation. Right now it may not seem like a big deal but if he thinks he can the stuff he will try to manipulate will get bigger and bigger.

That said, I don't know if I would force him to go, if he doesn't the toy goes back to the store.

by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 11:02 AM
That wouldn't fly here! If either kid said yes to a party, unless they are sick, they are going. If they don't go (due to illness), the gift goes to the birthday kid anyway. No way does my kid keep the gift.
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