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My 7 year old daughter is really sensitive, what can I do about it?

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 1:15 AM
  • 8 Replies

I have a 7 year old girl, and she is really sensitive.  Me or my husband even raise our voices while we talk to her, or ask her question to find out why she is upset and she just cries.  My husband says I cuddle her too much, I agree I use to do it a lot, she is my youngest, but I don't anymore. He tell me to not yell at her, but if I am to soft then I am still being to cuddling. She is also a picky eater, for example she likes chicken nuggets, but I can't get her to eat chicken meat that comes off the bone.  I don't know what to do, I don't want to be too hard on her, but also I don't want to be too easy on her to.

 Any advice will be welcome.

by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 1:15 AM
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by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:17 AM

Sensitivity is an inborn trait. My mother is not a cuddler, and I am very sensitive. My son- the oldest- is 7 and very sensitive (my other 2 not so much). He was cuddled way less than the younger ones, and since they are girls, everybody expects him to be tough and don't coddle him at all, and the opposite for the girls who are tough.

Some things that might help- helping that would gain her confidence. When I was a little older, I did swimming. It was one activity, all year 'round (2 would work also, but lots I don't think so) I knew all the kids and coaches, and I was really good at it. That was key. Since I was an expert, I could mentor the younger kids and that was great for confidence. Confidence can make a person feel stronger. It may take a while to find the right fit. Lots of activities may backfire- see how she does when you are looking for the right one- but the right one can take her all the way to adulthood as an expert in something.

Now, what will NOT work. There were a few people as I grew up who decided they wanted to "toughen me up". They would randomly try being harsh so I'd get used to it. That taught me that people are even more scary and unpredictable than I thought, and made me avoid people more and feel like a failure.

People who were tough but fair were better, because I knew how to please them, and how never to get yelled at (I got good grades and can remember to this day that I got in trouble (ie talked to) once for talking in Kindergarten, once for playing with a fan in 3rd grade, once for cheating (I didn't) in 4th grade, and once for cheating (I did, and never would again, since the disappointment hurt so bad) in 6th grade. I almost got in trouble at age 10 for playing iwth an autographed baseball I found in a drawer and in 10th grade for staying out till 2am. That is the sum total of all the times I was ever talked to by teachers or parents, because the very idea of their being angry with me was unbearable)

When there was danger of someone getting annoyed with me, I would generally avoid them and do something else I was allowed to do, ideally reading in my room or walking in the woods with my dog. Probably your daughter will do something similar. That's why having that activity where she's around people will be good.

For foods, if you can institude a "2 bites" rule that might help. If she baulks at even that, I'd consider having her evaluated for food texture sensitivities. My son also has food issues. He sounds a lot like your daughter!

by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:36 AM
My ds is exteremely sensitive also...i like what pp said I have been trying to figure it out d does 2 weeks of peewee wrestling loves the tournament (in 3yrs his record is 9 of 12 matches in the winners circle) but he says the practice is exteremely boring. Loves basketball but that was only a four day camp. He has been involved with awanas for the last 3 school years and loves it). He i's in 3rd grade now and the opportunities really open up. Hopefully it will help. He chooses what activities he wants to do also, which helps.
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by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 7:31 PM

There is no such thing, in my opinion, as being too easy on our children, we can't love them too much! Her personality is an innate part of the person she is and while it may develop and she may outgrow the very extreme aspects it is simply who she is and should be accepted and honored as such. Of course you can and should offer her outlets to help her grow and develop, things like dance, music, cooking, crafts, sports and I believe that every child should do volunteer service beginning at ten. Our highest purpose as parents is to simply help our children be the best "them" they can be and loving them just as they are without expecting them to change but at the same time offering them as many ways as we can to grow and develop.

by Queen25Princes on Aug. 11, 2012 at 7:40 PM


by on Aug. 12, 2012 at 1:18 AM


by on Aug. 12, 2012 at 1:28 AM
I'll start off with the chicken. It may be a texture thing, or maybe it feel "barbaric" to her.... She's most likely seen a chicken or turkey alive, try slicing the meat off the bone.

The sensitive child simply wears emotions on her sleeve. Not much to be done about that. She'll either learn to be a doormat or something will upset her so bad that it will piss her off and the "fight" will be ignited. If she doesn't talk back and eventually does what you ask, it will be okay. She sounds like she can't tell the difference between a request and a punishment. Good luck.
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by on Aug. 12, 2012 at 3:19 PM

Thanks for all the good input. One thing for sure, when it comes to her big sister, she is at least  starting to stand up for herself. Now I just have to teach the right way to do it, the other day her big sister realize she can hit laughed when I was out of the room, but did tell my youngest that is not how we solve a problem..

by on Aug. 12, 2012 at 4:17 PM
Each kid is different and they also pick up on what works for them.. and if a few tears can get a girl ot of trouble so be it!! Just gotta kinda pick your battles and if you think it worth it depending on what she don or not done... Although she is young she is not young enough to know how to manipulate her way with mom or dad..

I know this all to well my 10 year old son would whip up some tears n it work for a while til called his bluff I realized he was just crying to get out of doing something... But I mean there after real tears and not so real too you have to kinda figure that part out...

Just start calling her bluff something like tell her to do something see what she does at that point deal with it... For my son he would try to get out of school so I had to get creative start taking stuff away like what they like.. t.v. time computer time... If they can't go to school then no tv or what ever... Try this with her then you will begin to understand what's going on in her head...

Hope it helps...
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