Raising a confident child

[AmberRose1122]

Every morning, I tell my child to be kind to his teachers, friends, and more importantly himself. I tell him that he's a wonderful child and he's loved. He is having a hard time with self-confidence, and I really want to help him. I know it starts with me, and everything I read about it (spending time with him, being involved in extracurricular activities, allowing him to help with large projects, compliments) I do. I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?

[abmaddox1981]

Is he in any activities? ie: sports, karate, any clubs,etc. That is sometimes a huge help.

[AmberRose1122]

Yes. He does soccer, boy scouts, and he's in a film makers club. He's so shy though and doesn't make any friends at any of these activities. It breaks my heart!

Quoting abmaddox1981:

Is he in any activities? ie: sports, karate, any clubs,etc. That is sometimes a huge help.

[abmaddox1981]

Awww. Some kids are just shy. Maybe he will outgrow it. I did. Or you could try a child psycologist and see if that's helpful. Good luck to y'all!

Quoting AmberRose1122:

Yes. He does soccer, boy scouts, and he's in a film makers club. He's so shy though and doesn't make any friends at any of these activities. It breaks my heart!

Quoting abmaddox1981:

Is he in any activities? ie: sports, karate, any clubs,etc. That is sometimes a huge help.

[PerfectVirgo]

My daughter was like that. A trip to the dentist changed her. She used to have to be sedated, even for fillings because she has been deathly afraid of the dentist her entire life. Anything more than flouride and she'd bite, kick, scream, grab things.... So this time (she's 8) me and my SO bribed her with $250, the cost of the sedation. She was super excited to be able to spend that money on herself. She made it through a pulpectomy, 2 fillings and a partial extraction without a tear. (just a numbing shot) After she realized that she really could do it without being sedated, I can't stop her. Her confidence has soared! I know that sounds silly, that just a dental visit could do that, but honest, it did. Once I showed her that she is in control, she can do it if she tries, she does everything now. Even my SO, who doesn't live with us, noticed her confidence.

So maybe you could try doing something he thinks he can't do, and show him that he can? My son learned to draw reallly well from youtube, maybe you could try that? How old is your son?

[AmberRose1122]

He's 8. You've given some great ideas! I will have to come up with something he thinks he can't do and show him that he can.

Quoting PerfectVirgo:

My daughter was like that. A trip to the dentist changed her. She used to have to be sedated, even for fillings because she has been deathly afraid of the dentist her entire life. Anything more than flouride and she'd bite, kick, scream, grab things.... So this time (she's 8) me and my SO bribed her with $250, the cost of the sedation. She was super excited to be able to spend that money on herself. She made it through a pulpectomy, 2 fillings and a partial extraction without a tear. (just a numbing shot) After she realized that she really could do it without being sedated, I can't stop her. Her confidence has soared! I know that sounds silly, that just a dental visit could do that, but honest, it did. Once I showed her that she is in control, she can do it if she tries, she does everything now. Even my SO, who doesn't live with us, noticed her confidence.

So maybe you could try doing something he thinks he can't do, and show him that he can? My son learned to draw reallly well from youtube, maybe you could try that? How old is your son?

[mjande4]

Have you considered theater?  You would be surprised how plays/musicals can help foster friendships and social situations.  It really is a great way to garner confidence and begin speaking in public.

[theresaphilly]

You are doing exactly what I do with my four children. Keep up the good work! Validating him is the most important thing you can do to a child.

[AmberRose1122]

Yes! We are trying to convince him to join a local play group for kids. He likes the film makers club he's in, but it's a small group. Great idea!

Quoting mjande4:

Have you considered theater?  You would be surprised how plays/musicals can help foster friendships and social situations.  It really is a great way to garner confidence and begin speaking in public.

[AmberRose1122]

Thank you! It's nice to hear that my efforts are aprreciated, even if they aren't working with him just yet :)

Quoting theresaphilly:

You are doing exactly what I do with my four children. Keep up the good work! Validating him is the most important thing you can do to a child.

[Ashbeth1978]

I have the same problem with my youngest. My 2 older kids are full of confidence but my youngest is really shy & has a hard time with new things & doubts himself all the time. I just don't know what to do with him at times. I have done the same things that worked with my older kids but I was a sahm with them & I'm a single mom that has to work now & up till 2 years ago I was always there with them.