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At a loss, idk what to do with my 9 yo....

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 8:56 PM
  • 7 Replies

My 9yo daughter is extremely manipulative in the most sweetest way.  When I was younger I was a master manipulator, liar and thief.  She thank goodness is not a thief, but a liar and manipulator she definately is.  She is constantly breaking things, sometimes on purpose and sometimes not, she loses things all the time and she is wasting things.  Like she pours baby powder down the drain, down the toilet, not just baby powder...lots of stuff.  We are a low income family and she is definately aware of this.  She has even started faking or exagerating sickness so that I have to take her to the doctor...which in turn leaves us with no money for anything else (like her younger sisters birthday).  She is the oldest of 3 girls, my husband adopted her and has raised her since she was 3.  He treats her just like his own, but I don't think that she feels that way.  She plays us against eachother all the time and I am finally seeing this.  I have finally accepted the fact that she is doing this on purpose and I don't know how to fix this.  I don't remember why I was like this as a child and I do remember that nothing anyone would say or do would help....it just made it worse.  I was sent to therapy as an early teen and I was so good at lieing and manipulating that the therapist blamed everything on my mother...that was my plan and it worked.  Times are different today and I am scared that if we send her to counseling then she will do the same thing.  My husband and I don't know how to teach her to respect her things and other peoples things, nothing has worked.....

by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 8:56 PM
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Replies (1-7):
chinosruca
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this
I say a child behavior specialist/psychologist could benefit. Discuss with him/her exactly what you told us about your history of lying and manipulation as well as all the details of her bahavior. I suggest your first meeting be without your daughter if possible.

I took Kai to one last year. It was a tremendous help! she went 2 times a month for 3 months and then we stopped. She hasn't gone in almost a year, but I am considering a revisit.
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BuckeyezRule
by Laura on Aug. 31, 2012 at 10:42 PM
No idea. I was a total manipulator as a child. I mean, bad. I was a brat. I'd waste things too. I was horribly mean to my lil sis. I wanted all the attention, me, me, me. My mom took me to counseling. Didn't help me. But, I was just a brat. Lol my mom was way to sweet and nice to me. She punished me, yes, but, she was like June cleaver growing up. Lol still is to my kids.

Is your dd really smart? I was as a child, and sometimes I just needed something to occupy my brain. I read a lot, was bored to death in private, catholic school, and got a's and never even really tried.

See if you can find something she is interested in to keep her mind stimulated. And, thank goodness my dd is only kinda like me. DS is more like me, but not a manipulator, dd is, but in a sweet way. Mine was, get my way, way. Lol
BuckeyezRule
by Laura on Aug. 31, 2012 at 10:45 PM
Ugh, too sweet, not to. Lol and, I'm weird with things like order, grammar, I'm superstitious. I'm a bit OCD. And, so is DS. Lol

And, keep in mind, this is just my experience. :)
mxcanapochamama
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 11:04 PM

I think the first post is right. Maybe even some group therapy with the whole family could help too. I had some counseling but it didnt help, now tht Im an adult I think tht maybe if my mom/dad and brother would of been included it would of helped. I acted out because I wanted attention. I felt lonely and misunderstood, maybe its the same with your DD.  

MamìMexicana

BuckeyezRule
by Laura on Aug. 31, 2012 at 11:16 PM
Quoting mxcanapochamama:

I think the first post is right. Maybe even some group therapy with the whole family could help too. I had some counseling but it didnt help, now tht Im an adult I think tht maybe if my mom/dad and brother would of been included it would of helped. I acted out because I wanted attention. I felt lonely and misunderstood, maybe its the same with your DD.  




Agreed. That's how I felt too. In my situation though, it wasn't true. Lol I just wanted too much attention. Still love the limelight. Though, I do think it would've helped if my parents went to counseling with me.

I am really close with my parents and sister now, and know I had an awesome childhood, even if I didn't think so at the time. Lol
heathercm26
by on Sep. 1, 2012 at 12:47 AM
Now that u have recognised the manipulations it is time to stop allowing it.

Sounds simple but i know its not.

My 6 yo is a master as well. He was years ago. Ugh took a while for is all to pull it together.

His behaviors are the issue is what i have learned. ....they stem from real or imagined injustices he feels we are causing.

His behaviors in general are not a huge deal but can turn inti a huge battle.

Example:
Buckeling up correctly. - he will purposefully go over the arm rests of the booster with tge strap if he is aggravated.

He will play dumb if he doesnt want to do his math homework.....seems common but he says things like...i guess im not smart, everyone hates me......ge has a good life abd no reason to say this. But everyone used to fall all over themselves to boost him up adter those statements and tge focus was off of his math and on to tge poor littke boy.

Slam the toilet seat if he was made to go to the bathroom when he didnt want to, to the point of breaking it.

He squeezed all the adult tooth paste out in the toilet so we would have to go buy more. I had told him i would pick him up some kid stuff when i needed tooth paste and he could just use everyone elses til then- natural consequence of that was no more kid tooth paste ever. Done.

Of course he plays everyone against each other.
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TLCathome
by on Sep. 1, 2012 at 1:15 AM

Sounds like my daughter.  She always says she is a stupid little girl, and we DON'T ever use that word in my house.  The thing is that she is so smart, a straight a student and amazing writer.  She will only write at home when she is mad, which is better than nothing, but I know that writing everyday would help her.  I have always been the enabler I guess.  Like you said, always trying to pick her up, how did you stop and did you have guilt over it?

Quoting heathercm26:

Now that u have recognised the manipulations it is time to stop allowing it.

Sounds simple but i know its not.

My 6 yo is a master as well. He was years ago. Ugh took a while for is all to pull it together.

His behaviors are the issue is what i have learned. ....they stem from real or imagined injustices he feels we are causing.

His behaviors in general are not a huge deal but can turn inti a huge battle.

Example:
Buckeling up correctly. - he will purposefully go over the arm rests of the booster with tge strap if he is aggravated.

He will play dumb if he doesnt want to do his math homework.....seems common but he says things like...i guess im not smart, everyone hates me......ge has a good life abd no reason to say this. But everyone used to fall all over themselves to boost him up adter those statements and tge focus was off of his math and on to tge poor littke boy.

Slam the toilet seat if he was made to go to the bathroom when he didnt want to, to the point of breaking it.

He squeezed all the adult tooth paste out in the toilet so we would have to go buy more. I had told him i would pick him up some kid stuff when i needed tooth paste and he could just use everyone elses til then- natural consequence of that was no more kid tooth paste ever. Done.

Of course he plays everyone against each other.


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