My son comes home from preK every day and complains he's being bullied!
I am so upset.
Almost every day since school started he has come home and tells me that he's being bullied in school.
This is really upsetting! I can't stand it. But not for the reason you think.
It's because he's not being bullied at all. I know this because I ask specific questions about what's going on. When I ask for specifics I realize his reports of "bullying" are really examples of kids playing a game and not inviting him. Or kids using a toy he wants and not giving up their turn when he asks.
I see the same kids he complains about rush up to him and hug him when he gets to school. I get reports from the teachers about how well liked he is. I see him on the playground and at birthday parties having a ball with these alleged bullies. He's not some poor kid being tortured by bullies. He's a normal kid, with normal social ups and downs that has been taught the world is full of dangerous bullies and kids need grown ups to keep them safe from other kids.
The whole ant-bullying movement has turned my own child into a victim. He's convinced he's being mistreated by his classmates because he's been told so many times no one is allowed to bully him. In his mind (and lots of other kids', trust me) this means that every time some hurts his feelings or doesn't do what he wants, he's been mistreated.
I want him to understand that other people's opinions and actions don't define him. But he's learning the opposite. He's learning that if everyone isn't kissing his booty every moment of every day he should be unhappy and demand retribution... OK, that might be a slight exaggeration. But it's not as far off as it sounds.
Kids are people. People are moody, unpredictable and diverse. But the anti-bullying movement is teaching our children (including my child) that people are obligated to always be nice to each other.
That's just not a good preparation for the real world. Once kids leave this anti-bullying, school culture we have now the real world is going to kick their little booties. Who will they call when coworkers make plans and leave them out? How will they report it when the boss raises his voice when talking to them... When will they learn that sometimes people aren't very nice, but that isn't a reflection on them?
This has been bothering me for a long time. In the last 15 years I've seen my students ability to solve disputes and ignore idiots virtually disappear. But now, I hear my own child believing he is a victim because every child in his class doesn't want to be his BFF every moment of every day. UGH