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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

My son comes home from preK every day and complains he's being bullied!

Posted by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:03 PM
Max
  • 35 Replies
3 moms liked this

I am so upset. 

Almost every day since school started he has come home and tells me that he's being bullied in school. 

This is really upsetting! I can't stand it. But not for the reason you think. 

It's because he's not being bullied at all. I know this because I ask specific questions about what's going on. When I ask for specifics  I realize his reports of "bullying" are really examples of kids playing a game and not inviting him. Or kids using a toy he wants and not giving up their turn when he asks.

I see the same kids he complains about rush up to him and hug him when he gets to school. I get reports from the teachers about how well liked he is. I see him on the playground and at birthday parties having a ball with these alleged bullies. He's not some poor kid being tortured by bullies. He's a normal kid, with normal social ups and downs that has been taught the world is full of dangerous bullies and kids need grown ups to keep them safe from other kids. 

The whole ant-bullying movement has turned my own child into a victim.  He's convinced he's being mistreated by his classmates because he's been told so many times no one is allowed to bully him. In his mind (and lots of other kids', trust me) this means that every time some hurts his feelings or doesn't do what he wants, he's been mistreated. 

It sucks. 

I want him to understand that other people's opinions and actions don't define him. But he's learning the opposite. He's learning that if everyone isn't kissing his booty every moment of every day he should be unhappy and demand retribution... OK, that might be a slight exaggeration. But it's not as far off as it sounds. 

Kids are people. People are moody, unpredictable and diverse. But the anti-bullying movement is teaching our children (including my child) that people are obligated to always be nice to each other. 

That's just not a good preparation for the real world. Once kids leave this anti-bullying, school culture we have now the real world is going to kick their little booties. Who will they call when coworkers make plans and leave them out? How will they report it when the boss raises his voice when talking to them... When will they learn that sometimes people aren't very nice, but that isn't a reflection on them?

This has been bothering me for a long time. In the last 15 years I've seen my students ability to solve disputes and ignore idiots virtually disappear. But now, I hear my own child believing he is a victim because every child in his class doesn't want to be his BFF every moment of every day. UGH

 


by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
incognito116
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:07 PM

Great post.  I agree with you.

incognito116
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:07 PM

And also, teaching kids to have this attitude takes away from the children who are REALLY being bullied.

Kathy489
by Bronze Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:14 PM

I agree with you 100%. You're a teacher? So am I, and enough is enough, I know what you mean. All this anti-bully stuff is mostly from the political left. It goes along with the "everyone gets a trophy, winners and losers" bullcrap.

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:14 PM
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Quoting incognito116:

And also, teaching kids to have this attitude takes away from the children who are REALLY being bullied.


Exactly!

I see complaints from parents about teachers and administrators ignoring reports of bullying all the time.  There's no way to address them all appropriately because because of the sheer volume of complaints.  So when a child truly needs help there's a much greater chance no one will realize it because of all the false alarms taking up time. 

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:15 PM
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Quoting Kathy489:

I agree with you 100%. You're a teacher? So am I, and enough is enough, I know what you mean. All this anti-bully stuff is mostly from the political left. It goes along with the "everyone gets a trophy, winners and losers" bullcrap.

No one gets a trophy from me. LOL

I am a teacher. I started before the anti-bullying, Columbine days. At first I thought it was great. But now I see how damaging this way of thinking is. 

corrinacs
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:24 PM
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Wow, I definitely didn't think about that repercussions of this.  I know when I was a child in the 80's we had the whole "you are special" movement where everyone was "special"....And I think it has made osme of us in our generation accept ourselves even if our lifestyle is corrosive.

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:27 PM


Quoting corrinacs:

Wow, I definitely didn't think about that repercussions of this.  I know when I was a child in the 80's we had the whole "you are special" movement where everyone was "special"....And I think it has made osme of us in our generation accept ourselves even if our lifestyle is corrosive.

That's really interesting. 

It kind of goes along with this. Kids who feel bullied are never expected to reflect on their own social skills and consider what they could do to improve their peer relationships. So my son pouts that he isn't invited to play, but never learns to ask to play because he feels the other kids are the ones in the wrong. 

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Kathy489:

I agree with you 100%. You're a teacher? So am I, and enough is enough, I know what you mean. All this anti-bully stuff is mostly from the political left. It goes along with the "everyone gets a trophy, winners and losers" bullcrap.



EXACTLY! I think this entire movement has had the exact opposite effect that is intended. Most are desensitized by it now.
Kathy489
by Bronze Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:32 PM


Quoting maxswolfsuit:


Quoting Kathy489:

I agree with you 100%. You're a teacher? So am I, and enough is enough, I know what you mean. All this anti-bully stuff is mostly from the political left. It goes along with the "everyone gets a trophy, winners and losers" bullcrap.

No one gets a trophy from me. LOL

I am a teacher. I started before the anti-bullying, Columbine days. At first I thought it was great. But now I see how damaging this way of thinking is. 

OK, I'm a little ahead of you. I started ten years before that. Too much victimizing is very damaging, and if you lean toward the conservative way of thinking, it is extremely difficult to teach in the liberal-minded society that we have. Our government-run schools are especially full of liberalism. I personally know of a couple of people who quit teaching because of all the crap, and they couldn't deal with it anymore. I have also come close to quitting, myself.

I'm not saying that we should leave kids to fight trying to defend themselves if they need help. But it has gone overboard the other way, too. I'm sorry it has affected your son. Just keep teaching him right from wrong at home, and how the real world differs from school. That's what I do. Right now, my son is in a Montessori school. I am going to do everything possible to keep him out of the public schools. Good luck.

poshkat
by Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:33 PM
Great post! I totally agree.
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