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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Should Schools Ban Special Daddy/Daughter & Mother/Son Events

Schools Should Ban Special Daddy/Daughter & Mother/Son Events

Posted by Jeanne Sager

daddy daughter danceFirst it was dodgeball. Now the age-old tradition of father/daughter dances at school is being phased out. But don't worry! Mother/son traditions are getting the heave-ho too.

A Rhode Island school district is blazing the trail, calling these gender-specific activities "discriminatory" after a single mom complained that her kid was left out of a daddy/daughter event because she didn't have a dad to accompany her. As a married mom, I can't agree with them more.

We live in a world where 11.7 million households have a single parent at the helm. We live in a world where same sex couples are finally making headway in the fight to adopt and raise kids. Telling girls they need to bring a daddy to an event or boys that they need a mommy is automatically cutting out a whole lot of kids, distancing them from their peers in a time when kids are already so split that we have a bullying epidemic on our hands.

These kids don't need another reason to feel uncomfortable around their classmates, especially not in the so-called "safe space" that a school is supposed to provide.

And quite frankly, neither do parents ... any parent, whether single, gay, or partnered up with someone of the opposite sex.

We don't need to hear from the school that one gender of parent is more important than the other. Maybe it's because I grew up in a poor school district that didn't have the fund for these gender-specific events anyway, but I've never quite gotten the allure of one parent in particular being lauded over the other.

Last year my daughter's teacher sent home an invite to help make gingerbread houses that specifically stated there was room for only one adult helper per child. We let our daughter choose, and she picked my husband. Technically it was better for us based on work schedules, but I won't say it didn't hurt a bit.

I want to be there for the moments big and small ... and so does my husband. That's part of being a parent. The two of us have made a point of deciding who goes to events at school based on our family's needs, not on some outdated notion that little girls need their daddies more and little guys are mama's boys.

What's your take on daddy/daughter and mother/son events at schools?

 

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:04 PM
Replies (421-430):
mommyof3ashley
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:47 AM
No I do not want to purposefully hurt a child. But so many traditions are being banned as it is why can't we leave some things alone. Its not fair to those children who have missing parents but like other mothers in my shoes have said is it fair to our children as well. Family traditions are not the same anymore and people want to take and ban or rename one of the few traditions that our children and parents look forward to because its not fair. Well guess what you can't please everyone no matter what you do or what you call it.


Quoting MsLogansMommy:

so you still havent answered the question what is wrong with simply changing the name or is it that you do purposely want to hurt a child


Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Yes it was because I have a father who was I. My life and couldn't make the events and I'm married but just because I don't agree with you or this whole issue about banning or changing the name doesn't mean that I don't care about a childs feelings. The parents need to grow up and realize that our choi es affect our children and we tend to put them in positions to feel uncomfortable about situations like this when we make big deals out of things because of our feelings.



Quoting MsLogansMommy:


your response wasnt to this quote this quote doesnt say to ban it it says to change the name so everyone feels welcome



Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Just so you know. I don't agree with banning it and my father though he was in my life lived two states away and couldn't attend those events with me so an uncle or my moms boyfriend stepped in. This is ridiculous.




Quoting MsLogansMommy:



so why not just take the label off it and not ban the event all together just call it something else who has a problem with that.




I find it ironic that the ones that dont care about the feelings of the excluded children are the ones that have fathers/husbands




 





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MsLogansMommy
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:57 AM

I dont see how it is unfair to your child to change the name to family dance your child is still getting to go and can still bring her dad so where is the discrimination im not seeing it

Quoting mommyof3ashley:

No I do not want to purposefully hurt a child. But so many traditions are being banned as it is why can't we leave some things alone. Its not fair to those children who have missing parents but like other mothers in my shoes have said is it fair to our children as well. Family traditions are not the same anymore and people want to take and ban or rename one of the few traditions that our children and parents look forward to because its not fair. Well guess what you can't please everyone no matter what you do or what you call it.


Quoting MsLogansMommy:

so you still havent answered the question what is wrong with simply changing the name or is it that you do purposely want to hurt a child


Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Yes it was because I have a father who was I. My life and couldn't make the events and I'm married but just because I don't agree with you or this whole issue about banning or changing the name doesn't mean that I don't care about a childs feelings. The parents need to grow up and realize that our choi es affect our children and we tend to put them in positions to feel uncomfortable about situations like this when we make big deals out of things because of our feelings.



Quoting MsLogansMommy:


your response wasnt to this quote this quote doesnt say to ban it it says to change the name so everyone feels welcome



Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Just so you know. I don't agree with banning it and my father though he was in my life lived two states away and couldn't attend those events with me so an uncle or my moms boyfriend stepped in. This is ridiculous.




Quoting MsLogansMommy:



so why not just take the label off it and not ban the event all together just call it something else who has a problem with that.




I find it ironic that the ones that dont care about the feelings of the excluded children are the ones that have fathers/husbands




 



 



MsLogansMommy
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:02 AM

im an intelligent, open-minded person I think the simple name change solves the problem for everyone involved no one is left out no ones feelings are hurt. If someone can present an intelligent sensible argument why this solution is unacceptable then I am completely willing to listen but im only checking this post today as of tomorrow i will not waste any more time on this subject everyone has their opinion and whether I think your opinion is ignorant, unfeeling, and selfish doesnt mean you dont have a right to have it. and just because some of you dont agree with my opinion doesnt make mine any less valid either so I will allow someone to enlighten me or try to change my mind for about 24 more hours then im done with this post its taken too much of my precious time as it is

srichtermom
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I really think it is sad that everything has to turn into a political and/or discriminatory issue.  The actual definition of discrimination is the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, esp. on the grounds of race, age, or sex.  How is having a mother/son or father/daughter even considered unjust or even prejudicial?  My mother died when I was young and I never once threw a fit or considered myself being discriminated against because my school held mother/daughter events.  Should the school ban awards ceremonies for the sports and music programs because the kids not in these programs would feel left out?  People need to accept that their children will not attend everything at a school and that is okay.  We have loads of kids who bring a male figure or female figure to the events rather than a mother or father and they have a great time and enjoy spending time together.  Having a family event is so not the same as having that special time as a girl with your father or another important male figure in your life.  It's amazing how many concessions are made for everyone except the kids with a mother and father at home!

mommyof3ashley
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:23 AM
I never used the word discrimmination so please don't put words in my mouth. As I said we have so few traditions left and why take what little we have left. To you it may be a name of an event but to some of us and our children those are very special and traditional events to us and I for one am big on the old ways, values, morals, and traditions. So I'm sorry if I offend anyone but I have my opinion on the issue just as you and everyone else does. That's all I'm going to say.


Quoting MsLogansMommy:

I dont see how it is unfair to your child to change the name to family dance your child is still getting to go and can still bring her dad so where is the discrimination im not seeing it


Quoting mommyof3ashley:

No I do not want to purposefully hurt a child. But so many traditions are being banned as it is why can't we leave some things alone. Its not fair to those children who have missing parents but like other mothers in my shoes have said is it fair to our children as well. Family traditions are not the same anymore and people want to take and ban or rename one of the few traditions that our children and parents look forward to because its not fair. Well guess what you can't please everyone no matter what you do or what you call it.



Quoting MsLogansMommy:


so you still havent answered the question what is wrong with simply changing the name or is it that you do purposely want to hurt a child



Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Yes it was because I have a father who was I. My life and couldn't make the events and I'm married but just because I don't agree with you or this whole issue about banning or changing the name doesn't mean that I don't care about a childs feelings. The parents need to grow up and realize that our choi es affect our children and we tend to put them in positions to feel uncomfortable about situations like this when we make big deals out of things because of our feelings.




Quoting MsLogansMommy:



your response wasnt to this quote this quote doesnt say to ban it it says to change the name so everyone feels welcome




Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Just so you know. I don't agree with banning it and my father though he was in my life lived two states away and couldn't attend those events with me so an uncle or my moms boyfriend stepped in. This is ridiculous.





Quoting MsLogansMommy:




so why not just take the label off it and not ban the event all together just call it something else who has a problem with that.





I find it ironic that the ones that dont care about the feelings of the excluded children are the ones that have fathers/husbands





 




 





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MsLogansMommy
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:30 AM

I didnt say you used the word discrimination I quoted you on saying it would be unfair to your child I chose the word discrimination in my response but you still have shown me where it is unfair to your child if your child is still getting to go to the dance and still getting to go with her father how is anything changing for you with a simple name change.....its a huge difference to a child without a father but how is it any different for your child to attend a dance that is called a family dance as opposed to a daddy daughter dance

Quoting mommyof3ashley:

I never used the word discrimmination so please don't put words in my mouth. As I said we have so few traditions left and why take what little we have left. To you it may be a name of an event but to some of us and our children those are very special and traditional events to us and I for one am big on the old ways, values, morals, and traditions. So I'm sorry if I offend anyone but I have my opinion on the issue just as you and everyone else does. That's all I'm going to say.


Quoting MsLogansMommy:

I dont see how it is unfair to your child to change the name to family dance your child is still getting to go and can still bring her dad so where is the discrimination im not seeing it


Quoting mommyof3ashley:

No I do not want to purposefully hurt a child. But so many traditions are being banned as it is why can't we leave some things alone. Its not fair to those children who have missing parents but like other mothers in my shoes have said is it fair to our children as well. Family traditions are not the same anymore and people want to take and ban or rename one of the few traditions that our children and parents look forward to because its not fair. Well guess what you can't please everyone no matter what you do or what you call it.



Quoting MsLogansMommy:


so you still havent answered the question what is wrong with simply changing the name or is it that you do purposely want to hurt a child



Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Yes it was because I have a father who was I. My life and couldn't make the events and I'm married but just because I don't agree with you or this whole issue about banning or changing the name doesn't mean that I don't care about a childs feelings. The parents need to grow up and realize that our choi es affect our children and we tend to put them in positions to feel uncomfortable about situations like this when we make big deals out of things because of our feelings.




Quoting MsLogansMommy:



your response wasnt to this quote this quote doesnt say to ban it it says to change the name so everyone feels welcome




Quoting mommyof3ashley:

Just so you know. I don't agree with banning it and my father though he was in my life lived two states away and couldn't attend those events with me so an uncle or my moms boyfriend stepped in. This is ridiculous.





Quoting MsLogansMommy:




so why not just take the label off it and not ban the event all together just call it something else who has a problem with that.





I find it ironic that the ones that dont care about the feelings of the excluded children are the ones that have fathers/husbands





 




 



 



Jami134
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:30 AM
1 mom liked this

*sigh*  If *I* don't have a daddy, you can't have one either?

jno225
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Agreed, I'm sure there are any number of people of the opposite in a single parent's life that would be more than willing to stand in for a missing parent.

And BTW - for those who are responding on either side of this, the word is the word is ban, not band. Band is a group of musicians. Ban or banned is stopping something.

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laura-l-hutton
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I find this ridiculous. I am a single parent and have two wonderful kids. My kids mean more to me than anything in the world and I would hate to think I was selfish enough to ruin something fun for others just because my child was not going to benefit/participate. HS football makes kids try out because only the best get in and even then, if the team has too many trying out some of the best do not make it. GET OVER IT! I can't believe that we are now in a world that says we have to be so politically correct that we would hurt one group to benefit the other. This is a TRIDITION and that means it has been around a long time.Why take it away from those that enjoy it just so one child, which I am sure is not the first and wont be the last to feel that they were excluded from school events, feels better about life? Why teach your child that this world revolves around what they want and make them a selfish adult? What is next Homecoming and Prom? "My child can't get a date and does not want to go alone so lets get rid of those events!" 

butterdaisy
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:33 AM
Same here. Sick of people taking from others just to fit their "current" situation. You don't like the dance idea then stay home. If she had a present Dad would she be saying anything? No! Then don't say anything just because of jealousy. It's very loud and stinks too. SMH

My Dad is apart of my life now, but he was not there for major parts of my childhood. Didn't see me going around raining on anyone else's parade though. That's selfish and plain ridiculous. The above article is not even well written as far as being well thought out to bring home the point of making you want to side with the complainers. It reads as pathetic. Why didn't she also say to ban Father's Day, Mother's day, Grandparents day, etc? Those are celebrations of people that others care for and it is the same thing with the dances.
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