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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Should Schools Ban Special Daddy/Daughter & Mother/Son Events

Schools Should Ban Special Daddy/Daughter & Mother/Son Events

Posted by Jeanne Sager

daddy daughter danceFirst it was dodgeball. Now the age-old tradition of father/daughter dances at school is being phased out. But don't worry! Mother/son traditions are getting the heave-ho too.

A Rhode Island school district is blazing the trail, calling these gender-specific activities "discriminatory" after a single mom complained that her kid was left out of a daddy/daughter event because she didn't have a dad to accompany her. As a married mom, I can't agree with them more.

We live in a world where 11.7 million households have a single parent at the helm. We live in a world where same sex couples are finally making headway in the fight to adopt and raise kids. Telling girls they need to bring a daddy to an event or boys that they need a mommy is automatically cutting out a whole lot of kids, distancing them from their peers in a time when kids are already so split that we have a bullying epidemic on our hands.

These kids don't need another reason to feel uncomfortable around their classmates, especially not in the so-called "safe space" that a school is supposed to provide.

And quite frankly, neither do parents ... any parent, whether single, gay, or partnered up with someone of the opposite sex.

We don't need to hear from the school that one gender of parent is more important than the other. Maybe it's because I grew up in a poor school district that didn't have the fund for these gender-specific events anyway, but I've never quite gotten the allure of one parent in particular being lauded over the other.

Last year my daughter's teacher sent home an invite to help make gingerbread houses that specifically stated there was room for only one adult helper per child. We let our daughter choose, and she picked my husband. Technically it was better for us based on work schedules, but I won't say it didn't hurt a bit.

I want to be there for the moments big and small ... and so does my husband. That's part of being a parent. The two of us have made a point of deciding who goes to events at school based on our family's needs, not on some outdated notion that little girls need their daddies more and little guys are mama's boys.

What's your take on daddy/daughter and mother/son events at schools?

 

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:04 PM
Replies (441-450):
momoffour141265
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 7:40 AM

 i think and im a single parent if they have that event my child just dont go she dont feel all left out because she know i love her and we dont need him  but tradition is tradition why must everybody find something to whine about thats  aggervating because there is definitely more important things needing to be fix than a dance if you dont have a daddy dont go simple

momtotwo08
by Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 8:31 AM
Well, I don't have a daughter but my son just started school and they have "Grandparents Day", " Muffins for Mom" and "Donuts for Dad". I really don't see the point in taking it out, it's ridiculous actually. I understand that a lot of children are in situations where they only have one parent or two parents that are the same sex but that isn't a reason to exclude all the other children. I'm sure that most of these kids have another family member or family friend that could fill in for the mom/dad.
missa482
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 8:39 AM
1 mom liked this

So should Mother's Day and Father's Day not be celebrated either?  How about Grandparent's Day?

Not matter what you do - you're going to offend someone.  

staciejung
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 8:49 AM

What is the real point of  these kids attending some function? Aren't they already at a disadvantage because they don't have a father or a mother that is much more important than some stupid dance? Shouldn't that be the issue? There is a difference between the sexes and little girls get something from dads and little boys get something from moms that is unique and important. Possibly not absolutely necessary, but important. Are we denying this for the sake of being completely pc? If a mother decides to go it alone or marry a woman, then she's made a choice. If the spouse died or left her,  for the kid's sake she should find a brother, uncle, grandparent to fill that empty spot, because it is already an empty spot. Same for a single dad, or even a gay couple. Being too selfish to see that that's what's important for your child, more so than your independence or pushing your personal agenda, is what's really at issue here. Not some stupid dance.

 

Scribbleprints
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:02 AM

Here's the problem with that...groups like "The Fatherhood Initiative" are trying to get Dad's involved, because statistically dads tend to be less involved in their kids lifes than their mother's.  At our school we just had a "Bring Your Dad to School Day."  While I think they should have a "Bring Your Mom to School Day" too to balance this, I do think the events should be separate, because in many cases if they did a "Bring Your Parents to School Day" the Dads would largely skip out and allow their wives to do it.  Targeting it to dad's only insures they show up.  And not every dad will, and not every kids has a dad in their life, but I still think some things targeted at Dads only is a good idea. 

NYChicago
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:07 AM

How about re-labeling it to Parent/Child dance? That way, no one feels left out.

NYChicago
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:10 AM

Or, maybe everyone should chill and stop taking everything so personally. It's a school function, not overthrowing the government.

confused0701
by Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:31 AM

I would have but the paper that was sent home was very specific.  Now they allow it but they didn't used to.  After that my daughter refuses to go now.  Now my dad just takes her and they do something else special that night!  Heck my BIL was willing to drive 3 hours over here to take her, but we live in a little backasswards town in the bible belt so the fact that I even had a kid not being married gets quite a few comments.  

Quoting littlepinkrose:

My sister just asked my husband if he wanted to take Johnny to a father son event and my husband said of course.  She did not go and ask the school.  Sorry that happened to you but just have her bring who she wants and looks up to.  I am sure no one would question a kid who brought someone.

Quoting confused0701:

Without completely knowing the whole story I'm going to play devils advocate.  What if the mother asked if she could bring an uncle or whatever and they said no?  Thats what our school did.  I had to fight it for my daughters sake now they allow them to bring someone else but when she was in kindergarten she missed it because of it.  My dad was more than willing to take her but the PTO and school wouldn't allow it!  



confused0701
by Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:35 AM

See I agree with this.  But for kids like my daughter who their fathers aren't legally allowed in their lives need to be allowed to bring the male role model they look up to.  My dad steps in a lot and so does the man I've been with for 4 years and does alot for my daughter.  But her sperm donor isn't legally allowed near her and never will be until she turns 18 and can make that decision on her own.  

Quoting Scribbleprints:

Here's the problem with that...groups like "The Fatherhood Initiative" are trying to get Dad's involved, because statistically dads tend to be less involved in their kids lifes than their mother's.  At our school we just had a "Bring Your Dad to School Day."  While I think they should have a "Bring Your Mom to School Day" too to balance this, I do think the events should be separate, because in many cases if they did a "Bring Your Parents to School Day" the Dads would largely skip out and allow their wives to do it.  Targeting it to dad's only insures they show up.  And not every dad will, and not every kids has a dad in their life, but I still think some things targeted at Dads only is a good idea. 


Jules6000
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:49 AM

Why do we always swing to the most agressive solution?  Isn't there always room for compromise?  In our schools, ANY escort is welcome to come with a child, no matter the gender.  A mom can escort her son to the fahter/parent/so-son dance etc.  It's good to think of what's best for the child.  I don't think creating a controversy is in his best interest.  The world isn't always fair, but we can surely make the the best of it, and teach our children something valuable.

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