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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Should Schools Ban Special Daddy/Daughter & Mother/Son Events

Schools Should Ban Special Daddy/Daughter & Mother/Son Events

Posted by Jeanne Sager

daddy daughter danceFirst it was dodgeball. Now the age-old tradition of father/daughter dances at school is being phased out. But don't worry! Mother/son traditions are getting the heave-ho too.

A Rhode Island school district is blazing the trail, calling these gender-specific activities "discriminatory" after a single mom complained that her kid was left out of a daddy/daughter event because she didn't have a dad to accompany her. As a married mom, I can't agree with them more.

We live in a world where 11.7 million households have a single parent at the helm. We live in a world where same sex couples are finally making headway in the fight to adopt and raise kids. Telling girls they need to bring a daddy to an event or boys that they need a mommy is automatically cutting out a whole lot of kids, distancing them from their peers in a time when kids are already so split that we have a bullying epidemic on our hands.

These kids don't need another reason to feel uncomfortable around their classmates, especially not in the so-called "safe space" that a school is supposed to provide.

And quite frankly, neither do parents ... any parent, whether single, gay, or partnered up with someone of the opposite sex.

We don't need to hear from the school that one gender of parent is more important than the other. Maybe it's because I grew up in a poor school district that didn't have the fund for these gender-specific events anyway, but I've never quite gotten the allure of one parent in particular being lauded over the other.

Last year my daughter's teacher sent home an invite to help make gingerbread houses that specifically stated there was room for only one adult helper per child. We let our daughter choose, and she picked my husband. Technically it was better for us based on work schedules, but I won't say it didn't hurt a bit.

I want to be there for the moments big and small ... and so does my husband. That's part of being a parent. The two of us have made a point of deciding who goes to events at school based on our family's needs, not on some outdated notion that little girls need their daddies more and little guys are mama's boys.

What's your take on daddy/daughter and mother/son events at schools?

 

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:04 PM
Replies (471-480):
Caleche
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:17 PM
1 mom liked this
One more thing: we all as kids got left out of something. Why do people have to turn that into something bad? I think we over coddle our children and we are left with a large group of whiners( and this includes parents). We should teach our children how to deal with adversity and how to cope with feelings of not being able to be a part of something ...it happens all the time in the adult world...prepare your children for the REALworld we live in! Should we stop having Proms and Homecoming dances because some kids aren't gonna get asked to go and have no date? NO. Where does this thinking end????
mbenit4
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:36 PM
3 moms liked this

 No it is not.

This is one event at school. A child that has only one parent regardless of death etc will have to deal with this day in and day out. I am a child with no father. The dances at school were nothing. Knowing that my father chose not to be more involved in my life hurt. Not having him at games, birthday parties, and any of my activities - that hurt. It never dawned on me as a child to dread this dance. It was a fact of life. One more thing he was absent for. You can't shield a child from this type of disappointment.

What about graduation? End of the school year awards? etc. Should all this be banned because someone has absent family members? No.

That is not an issue for the school to try to solve by banning something for ALL children. That is crazy. If you have no dad banning a dance isn't going to ease the pain for you believe me. Banning one dance does not ease the pain to any child for not having a parent. I am sorry it is not that simple.

Quoting MsLogansMommy:

no i dont sound crazy and it absolutely is pouring salt on a wound really where is your heart?

greenmachine47
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think they should phase it out. It's a good way for daddy/daughter mother/son to have 1 on 1 time with their child to have a night out. My daughter's school has grandparents breakfast, daddy donuts, and a mommy thing. I do feel sad that my daughter doesn't have grandparents nearby nor does she have a dad but on the papers it says or other so it doesn't exactly have to be the parent attending these functions.

ddelone
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I can understand the pain this mother may feel, but why take away something that celebrates that fact that a father is in their daughters life. There has never been a rule that says you can't bring an uncle, brother, etc that posses as a father figure for your little girl. I honestly feel for the woman and men that are raising their children singly, but we live in a world were all of our freedoms are being stripped from us because we want everyone to feel equal. Now don't get me wrong there are so many reasons why we need equality, but when we have to take a backseat because someone doesn't have a significant other it takes it a little too far. So should we pass a law that no parent should buy their kids new clothes for school because not everyone can afford to? I mean where do we draw the line? Let's punish the children that have both mom and dad at home and explain that because they have both mommy and daddy that they can't have dances or events that celebrate the bonds that they share. I mean we are in the era were seme sex couples can raise, adopt, and openly parent children and I'm sure they would take their kids to one of these dances without discrimination, so why are making a big deal over one single mother with the millions out there because she didn't want to think outside the box and provide a male for her daughter to take to the dance? Really people, let's focus on the children who come to school hungry, abused, with no shoes, clothes,etc. Please let's save the fight for something relative that deals with the discrimination of a human/being.
CafeMom Tickers
GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:54 PM

clapping

Quoting mbenit4:

 No it is not.

This is one event at school. A child that has only one parent regardless of death etc will have to deal with this day in and day out. I am a child with no father. The dances at school were nothing. Knowing that my father chose not to be more involved in my life hurt. Not having him at games, birthday parties, and any of my activities - that hurt. It never dawned on me as a child to dread this dance. It was a fact of life. One more thing he was absent for. You can't shield a child from this type of disappointment.

What about graduation? End of the school year awards? etc. Should all this be banned because someone has absent family members? No.

That is not an issue for the school to try to solve by banning something for ALL children. That is crazy. If you have no dad banning a dance isn't going to ease the pain for you believe me. Banning one dance does not ease the pain to any child for not having a parent. I am sorry it is not that simple.

Quoting MsLogansMommy:

no i dont sound crazy and it absolutely is pouring salt on a wound really where is your heart?


nynaeve24
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Just to play devil's advocate would it make a difference if say, a parent died in Iraq, not really a choice for the child or the family, but still a father/mother daughter/son dance, and their is still a single parent involved. I'm sure that when they say single parent not all of them are of the same definition.


Quoting sunflowers12:

if we band these events then everything else is up for grabs lets start baning everything ... silly and a waist of time and theirs aways someone somewhere ruining something cool for others just cause they choice to be a certain way doesn't mean you/they have to take stuff away from everyone that not that way.. same goes the other way around.. why so much special treatment for only one group of ppl??shrugging


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citlaly123
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:32 PM
No banning, don't deprive the masses of something that will always be present for a few. Crazy, stupid idea.


Quoting GotSomeKids:

clapping

Quoting mbenit4:

 No it is not.


This is one event at school. A child that has only one parent regardless of death etc will have to deal with this day in and day out. I am a child with no father. The dances at school were nothing. Knowing that my father chose not to be more involved in my life hurt. Not having him at games, birthday parties, and any of my activities - that hurt. It never dawned on me as a child to dread this dance. It was a fact of life. One more thing he was absent for. You can't shield a child from this type of disappointment.


What about graduation? End of the school year awards? etc. Should all this be banned because someone has absent family members? No.


That is not an issue for the school to try to solve by banning something for ALL children. That is crazy. If you have no dad banning a dance isn't going to ease the pain for you believe me. Banning one dance does not ease the pain to any child for not having a parent. I am sorry it is not that simple.


Quoting MsLogansMommy:


no i dont sound crazy and it absolutely is pouring salt on a wound really where is your heart?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Barblicious
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:16 PM

My brother's wife DIED suddenly off a brain aneurysm - when their daughter was just 2.5 years old.

Over all the years afterward, every Mother's Day or major event that was all about Mothers was TERRIBLE for her, because she didn't have a mom. It broke our hearts to see her in tears because she didn't have a mom, because her mom was in heaven.

Oh sure, my niece has aunts and grandmothers BUT IT IS NOT THE SAME. No matter how much you want to say OH just bring some other female... IT IS JUST NOT THE SAME. I have seen it first hand - how hard it was for my niece throughout elementary school. 

Edit: I am not saying you have to ban events, but at the same time have some heart, some consideration for the kids that don't have your perfect fairy tale happy family.



nursesharon
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:16 PM
So the kids that do have a dad around have to take the punishment? All that did was discriminate against kids w/both sets of parents (mother and father). How does that even make sense?
GotSomeKids
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:20 PM

I don't think it makes a difference.  My daughter did not attend the years my husband was deployed.  There are a pluthora of reasons someone can or can't attend.  I mean, I could have taken my daughter, but I didn't have a sitter for my son.  Should I cry and scream and yell because the dance doesn't cater to families without sitters?

Put the dance on for this group of people and either rename it or work with single parents (for whatever reason they are) to come up with their own dance instead of cancelling it for everyone.  People do it all the time. 

Quoting nynaeve24:

Just to play devil's advocate would it make a difference if say, a parent died in Iraq, not really a choice for the child or the family, but still a father/mother daughter/son dance, and their is still a single parent involved. I'm sure that when they say single parent not all of them are of the same definition.


Quoting sunflowers12:

if we band these events then everything else is up for grabs lets start baning everything ... silly and a waist of time and theirs aways someone somewhere ruining something cool for others just cause they choice to be a certain way doesn't mean you/they have to take stuff away from everyone that not that way.. same goes the other way around.. why so much special treatment for only one group of ppl??shrugging



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