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Need help with my 7 year old son.

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:13 PM
  • 9 Replies
Ugh I don't know where to start.. My son is such a well behaved sweet smart boy. But he has terrible mood swings and is very very emotional and sensitive. His father has a lot of mental problems like bipolar dipression anxiety and I can't think of the word for it but he makes up lies to make himself sound better then he is and believes himself. I'm afraid his father has passed this down to him.. The beginning of this year my son went to school and was loving it he couldn't wait to go back the next day( the same as last year) but as the days goes on he complains how much he hates school and how no body likes him. And everyone is mean to him. Sometimes he will come home in such a good mood and tell that he played with this kid and that kid and how it was so much fun. Some other days his whole life ( he feels like) is ruined because he didn't have anyone to play with at recess. And then he goes on about how no one likes him for days.. I understand that he I upset and it's a normal to be upset about something like that but he over exaggerates it I have talk to the ladies that watch him outside for recess and they tell me he plays with people all the time. And I know that they don't always see everything. I know that one day he might not have anyone to play with because he's a shy kid he wouldn't be the one to ask someone to play they would have to ask him.. It always seems like he is trying to impress them so that they like him by asking me to go out and buy him toys so that he can show them at school. If one of his friends has something that he does its a automatic I don't like him and I'm mean that i won't buy it for him and that it's not fair. ( also his father is not around the last time he has seen him was when he was three) he asks about him a lot and I really don't know what to say.. The problem with his dad is when I was 15 I got pregnant and he was 19 so I know right there wasn't a very good decision but I do everything I can for my son. His father had a bad anger problem and drug problem so when my son was born i told him he couldn't see him until he was sober.. Him and his parents took me to court for visitation and of course they got it.. But it didnt last to long.. His father went off to rehab in fl we live in nj and he winded up staying there I think he came back once or twice to see my son but that was it he calls and claimes he loves his son so much but he doesn't pay child support he doesn't send him birthday cards or a Christmas card or anything ( he says he has no money ) but I know it's all bull. You can get a card for 99 cents I don't think that's gunna hurt ur budget that bad to where he won't be able to eat and even if it did oh well u are showing ur son that u care and that u didn't forget about him. But he has a answer for that too he says I wong give it to him.. But even if I didn't wouldn't it still show that ur at least trying an ur gunna prove me wrong.. He actually came back to nj last winter and before he came he told my son that he was coming and that he would see him and that he would be buying a house here so that he would see him all the time now. Well I found out through Facebook that he was her for a few months I never said anything to him I didn't call the police to get him put in jail for not paying child support I just wanted to see how long it would take him to call us.. Well he never did until he got back to fl and i told him he is no longer aloud to talk to my son and that I knew he was here and he's not filling or messing his head up with anything else anymore. Becaus prior to this he had lie to him before. I think most of my sons mood swings have something to do with this and not having a father. I am engaged now to by bf that I have been with for three years and we have a daughter who just turned one. My son loves his sister so much I don't see much jealousy but then again there could be but he is always kissing her and taking care of her I think it makes him feel important but I don't think my son is to fond of my fiancé he always says when are u guys going to get married so josh can be my step daddy but my fiancé isn't that lovable kind of guy hes very strict and I think that makes my son nervous to where he doesn't feel comfortable with him yet. My son also has a very hard time controlling him self when he gets mad he gets really mad and when he gets sad he gets really sad. He doesn't like getting yelled at but I try explaining to him wouldn't get yelled at if he just listened the first time or if he didnt talk back and he says I don't care I don't like being yelled and and his body won't let him listen he says he brain won't let him and he gets all crazy and starts talking really fast not making any sense. He says that he hates himself and that he has a horrible life. It's impossible to go anywhere with him of we go to a store he runs to the toy isle and he begs and begs for a toy if the store doesn't have toys he will find something to ask for and of he can't get it the world is over, if we go to the beach or to the aquarium he ha a mad face on the whole time and walks really slow and depressed looking. My son has a wonderful life let me tell u this.. I went out and bought him a 80 dollar Lego set just because I feel bad seeing him upset. We live with my mother and father still so he gets ALOT of attention if anything the most attention because of the way he is we have a nice house and a big yard . I know we as humans always have something to complain about because I know I do sometimes but he has been blessed with a big family that loves him. That's why I can't understand how he can just act like his life is so horrible at such a young age. Any opinions? Sorry this was really long
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:13 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Pukalani79
by Silver Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:15 PM

 Is he attention seeking perhaps? or feeling a bit lost at school?

My daughter had horrible mood swings most of her life and was recently diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder.

mamajolene
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:51 PM


Quoting Pukalani79:

 Is he attention seeking perhaps? or feeling a bit lost at school?

My daughter had horrible mood swings most of her life and was recently diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder.

i dont think hes attention seeking because he gets alot of it but i could be wrong. also he is the youngest in his classes he just turned 7 in aug and now everyone is turning 8

mjande4
by Platinum Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:56 PM

Without reading your novel, lol, the highlighted portion is the problem.  Did he start kindergarten young?

Quoting mamajolene:


Quoting Pukalani79:

 Is he attention seeking perhaps? or feeling a bit lost at school?

My daughter had horrible mood swings most of her life and was recently diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder.

i dont think hes attention seeking because he gets alot of it but i could be wrong. also he is the youngest in his classes he just turned 7 in aug and now everyone is turning 8


mamajolene
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:16 PM
Quoting mjande4:




Yes lol but I don't think that's the whole problem here
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:18 PM

I've been a teacher for 20+ years and I can tell you the immaturity is an ONGOING problem if the kids start too early.  It's compounded many times as the grades progress.

Quoting mamajolene:

Quoting mjande4:




Yes lol but I don't think that's the whole problem here


mamajolene
by Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Bump
coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Oct. 20, 2012 at 9:00 AM
I don't want to sound mean but your line that your DF isn't the loving type and DS isn't coomfortable around him is a big red flag for me. Buying him an $80 Lego set won't help him either.

If it were me, I would tell DF to start bonding with DS or there is no wedding. You can be strict but loving too. Every child should feel loved and comfortable with his parents (real or step). He's asking when he'll have a stepfather...seems like he wants it! DF needs to man up and help your son! His own father doesn't care about him...as a dad how could Df not want to help?!

I would also tell all of this to the counselor at school and ask them to step in and help him. I think he's clearly asking for help and attention but you're ot listening, just complaining that he has nothing to complain about.
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Tracys2
by on Oct. 20, 2012 at 10:33 AM

OK, the father not there thing is definitely going to hurt a kid, but many kids deal with that fine. 

There is a genetic component to mental illness. I can't remember the figures right now, but I think there is a 10-20% chance of a child developing the illness a parent has. Probably less, in his case, being away from the parent in question.

However, there may well be something up with this. Getting really mad and really sad (and really happy?) could be a sign of something more. Saying he has a horrible life-- I can tell you, if he DOES have depression, nothing you actually have in life will make you less miserable, in fact, the guilt for having so much can make it worse. Loneliness like you describe is VERY common in depression and bipolar disorder. And so is seeing only the negative stuff going on, being unable to see the positive.

I don't know what's going on. The asking for you to buy stuff could be a control thing, could be normal kid stuff, could be anything. You did say eventually he got a toy.

What I'd do is take him in for therapy now that he's young. I know it seems extreme, but if you take him in (there are employee assistance programs which can make this free), you can have a professional determine if there is cause for alarm. I would recommend not having an official diagnosis assigned to him if it's nothing serious, but if there are signs of bipolar or depression or something, wouldn't you rather deal with it when he's 7 or 8 than when he's 13 and has puberty and all that to deal with, too? Stress (good and bad) tends to bring this stuff out.

I don't want to be all scare-mongering and everything, but I do want to be honest. Yes, maturity could be an issue and, yes, he's got a lot going on. And to some extent, sensitivity is inborn (my son is upset by everything and always has been-- my daughter is upset by nothing). But even if it's nothing but immaturity, a therapist could give you hints on how best to approach his behaviours, and give HIM hints as to how to handle his frustration. 

It sounds like you are a very different person, in any case. There is a series of books you should really look into _The Highly Sensitive Child_ books. I think there's one for sensitive adults to read about themselves (not sure how appropriate it is), and one for parents to read about the child, which my friends say is wonderful. I've never got them because I'm over-sensitive myself and really "get" my sensitive kid, but I probably should. If you don't "get" him, all the more reason to learn more about how he works.

Best of luck. Sensitive kids are amazing, full of potential, often very creative and loving. If you learn how to handle the parts that disturb you, and help him to fit into society, you will have a winner and he won't be in danger of going down his father's path.

URHonor
by on Oct. 20, 2012 at 11:14 AM
What part of nj? I have a 6 yr old
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