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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

5 year old worried about bullies (piog)

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My five year old started kindergarten this year, and is in a charter school for technology,math, and science. She is her teachers favorite student, has many friends, is quite "popular" amongst her peers both at school and in daycare. Everyone that has ever met her loves her, and she's an absolute delight. 

Lately, however, she has been complaining about the clothes she has and how I do her hair. She has nice things, while not all name brand, they aren't Walmart or thrift store. We are wrestling fans and she has several wrestling t-shirts that she refuses to wear anymore BC she days the boys will make fun of her ( they never have, in fact, the boys have played with her BC of her shirts). I put her hair up in a bun today and she said people would laugh at her, so when she got home I asked if anyone made fun of her and she said no, and that her teacher said she was pretty.

To my knowledge,she has never been made fun of, her teachers from school and pre k have had nothing but good things to say, and have said she's not had problems with classmates. How do I ease her mind that she has nothing to worry about?

Here's a pic of her.

by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 12:49 AM
Replies (11-20):
steelcage
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 7:51 AM

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.


mjande4
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 7:55 AM

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be taking it well or at all if I was told no.  My husband, however, sees the value of activities.  Honestly, it's what's best for your daughter.  I would enroll her anyway, since you are the SAHM, you would be shuttling her.  He can get over it.

Quoting steelcage:

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.



steelcage
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 7:58 AM

It would cause problems, he controlls the money, and we only have one car at the moment (his). I'm going to see if her grandmother will pay for something just so he'll not have an excuse.

Quoting mjande4:

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be taking it well or at all if I was told no.  My husband, however, sees the value of activities.  Honestly, it's what's best for your daughter.  I would enroll her anyway, since you are the SAHM, you would be shuttling her.  He can get over it.

Quoting steelcage:

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.




mjande4
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:02 AM

There are huge red flags all over this!  He shouldn't be controlling anything!  A marriage and children should be a PARTNERSHIP.  Why is your daughter going to daycare if you stay at home?

Quoting steelcage:

It would cause problems, he controls the money, and we only have one car at the moment (his). I'm going to see if her grandmother will pay for something just so he'll not have an excuse.

Quoting mjande4:

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be taking it well or at all if I was told no.  My husband, however, sees the value of activities.  Honestly, it's what's best for your daughter.  I would enroll her anyway, since you are the SAHM, you would be shuttling her.  He can get over it.

Quoting steelcage:

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.





steelcage
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:06 AM

Because we only have one car, and it's his company truck, which I cannot drive. I have no way to pick them up after school, so we kept them in daycare for a couple of hours after school (the same daycare they've been going to since they were 2, I used to work, just quit in July, they were home with me during the summer, when I did have a car). He controlls the money because he says I spend too much.

Quoting mjande4:

There are huge red flags all over this!  He shouldn't be controlling anything!  A marriage and children should be a PARTNERSHIP.  Why is your daughter going to daycare if you stay at home?

Quoting steelcage:

It would cause problems, he controls the money, and we only have one car at the moment (his). I'm going to see if her grandmother will pay for something just so he'll not have an excuse.

Quoting mjande4:

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be taking it well or at all if I was told no.  My husband, however, sees the value of activities.  Honestly, it's what's best for your daughter.  I would enroll her anyway, since you are the SAHM, you would be shuttling her.  He can get over it.

Quoting steelcage:

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.






mjande4
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:10 AM

It sounds like is controling more than just the money.  Your daughter needs some confidence builders, but it sounds like you do too.  Not only would I recommend extra curriculars for her, I would encourage you to get a job, car, independence, etc.  The relationship you are in isn't healthy for you OR your daughter.  Good luck!

Quoting steelcage:

Because we only have one car, and it's his company truck, which I cannot drive. I have no way to pick them up after school, so we kept them in daycare for a couple of hours after school (the same daycare they've been going to since they were 2, I used to work, just quit in July, they were home with me during the summer, when I did have a car). He controlls the money because he says I spend too much.

Quoting mjande4:

There are huge red flags all over this!  He shouldn't be controlling anything!  A marriage and children should be a PARTNERSHIP.  Why is your daughter going to daycare if you stay at home?

Quoting steelcage:

It would cause problems, he controls the money, and we only have one car at the moment (his). I'm going to see if her grandmother will pay for something just so he'll not have an excuse.

Quoting mjande4:

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be taking it well or at all if I was told no.  My husband, however, sees the value of activities.  Honestly, it's what's best for your daughter.  I would enroll her anyway, since you are the SAHM, you would be shuttling her.  He can get over it.

Quoting steelcage:

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.







Chymerra
by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:13 AM

I mainly ask "Why do you think <so and so> doesn't like you". That usually gets her to think about what she says and usually (like 9 out of 10 times) she will answer "They like me" or give me an answer as to why they like her. On the rare instances that she insists that someone doesn't like her, I just tell her that not everyone will like her and the best that she can do is to treat them nicely and with respect.

Quoting steelcage:

What do you say to her?

Quoting Chymerra:

My 7 year old is the same way. She is "popular" and I have heard nothing but good things about her from her classmates/teachers. Like everyone else is saying, its a self confidence thing and I just go with it when she starts talking like that.



steelcage
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:16 AM

I appreciate your concern, but our relationship is fine. I do not want to work (he wants me to), and as soon as my car can get fixed, I'll be mobile agian. As far as extra curricular activities I'm not really sure what his excuses and thoughts really are, since we've been over the finacial aspect of it.

Quoting mjande4:

It sounds like is controling more than just the money.  Your daughter needs some confidence builders, but it sounds like you do too.  Not only would I recommend extra curriculars for her, I would encourage you to get a job, car, independence, etc.  The relationship you are in isn't healthy for you OR your daughter.  Good luck!

Quoting steelcage:

Because we only have one car, and it's his company truck, which I cannot drive. I have no way to pick them up after school, so we kept them in daycare for a couple of hours after school (the same daycare they've been going to since they were 2, I used to work, just quit in July, they were home with me during the summer, when I did have a car). He controlls the money because he says I spend too much.

Quoting mjande4:

There are huge red flags all over this!  He shouldn't be controlling anything!  A marriage and children should be a PARTNERSHIP.  Why is your daughter going to daycare if you stay at home?

Quoting steelcage:

It would cause problems, he controls the money, and we only have one car at the moment (his). I'm going to see if her grandmother will pay for something just so he'll not have an excuse.

Quoting mjande4:

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be taking it well or at all if I was told no.  My husband, however, sees the value of activities.  Honestly, it's what's best for your daughter.  I would enroll her anyway, since you are the SAHM, you would be shuttling her.  He can get over it.

Quoting steelcage:

His orgininal thought was that we don't have the money, and that I'd have to get a job (we argued, because I'm a SAHM and refuse to get a job until the kids are older, we are fine financially right now) . I budgeted and added in costs of a karate class, a dance class, and one sports activity, and we would be able to afford it just fine. DH still says no. 

Quoting mjande4:

She needs some self confidence and extra curriculars are the BEST way to garner some.  Why is your husband against this?  Show him some statistics about the positive correlations between involved/successful students and extra curriculars.  This isn't bullying BTW.








Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:26 AM
This type of worrying is very normal. I have dealt with this a lot with my youngest son. He would worry that he wasn't wearing the right t-shirt. His favorite winter hat suddenly wasn't right, etc. All you can do is continue to explain to her that she needs to be who she is and not who she thinks others want her to be.
My son dances. He loves it and is very proud of his accomplishments, but as you can imagine, there were a few kids who teased him. However, he owned it. Unbeknownst to me he asked his first grade teacher (last year) if he could talk about his (then) upcoming performance in the professional company's production of The Nutcracker. In a matter of a few minutes he had his entire class in awe and respect him for what he could do. His teacher emailed me to let me know what he'd done and what had happened. His confidence has come from getting the message over and over that he is who he is and needs to be proud and happy with his choices without worrying that this person or that person doesn't agree. What would he do if one friend thinks something is the coolest and the other hated it?
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URHonor
by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:52 AM

the word bully is really overused.. she's lacking self esteem. i would find ways to compliment her. just make sure you're sincere or she'll know. my daughter did this with her NYR jacket because 1 kid told her hockey was for boys. I told her that girls can like whatever they want. The very next day I wore my NYR hoodie. It made her feel better. Then I asked her to give her jacket another chance at school. She did and nobody said anything. i told her that if anyone did to say that she liked it and that's what matters. 


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