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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Adopted Children with ADHD and ODD

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:57 PM
  • 21 Replies

 We adopted two brothers that are 13 months apart. I have found out that they are both ADHD. My oldest son is 7 years old now and in 2nd grade. He was diagnosed as having ADHD and ODD in Kindergarten (5 years old), he has been with us since 7 months old. His brother was born 6 months later, he is now 6 years old and in 1st grade. Thay are both on meds now, but before it was so difficult to handle them. So we have our hands full. It has been hard finding babysitters that can handle them and that I can trust to take care of them. Thank God I am a stay at home Mom, but some days I would like a break. Especially now that the holidays are coming. Does anybody have any suggestions as far as babysitters? Where to look? I am in Southern California. My son who has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) is my biggest challenge, because even so called professionals have a hard time with him. He is so independent and thinks he is in charge of everything. He has gotten a 100% better since being on the meds, but still a challenge sometimes.

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:57 PM
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Jinx-Troublex3
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:21 AM
Do they get therapy as well as meds? If so, see if they can quality for respite care, an experienced person that deals with special needs kids.
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Malley
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:20 PM
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Please don't take this wrong, but I'm just curious why you labeled your kids as being adopted? I'm an adoptive mom of 4 . Just wondering b/c I rarely refer to them as adopted.
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maxswolfsuit
by Max on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:23 PM


Quoting Malley:

Please don't take this wrong, but I'm just curious why you labeled your kids as being adopted? I'm an adoptive mom of 4 . Just wondering b/c I rarely refer to them as adopted.

I had the same thought. 

Miriam727
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:50 PM

Yes they do get therapy and no they do not qualify for respite care.

Thanks anyway.

Miriam727
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I am referring to them as adopted, because they are adopted. I was hoping to get some positive feedback on babysitters not criticism. My children know I Love them and I do not refer to them as my adopted children in public, but I do not hide the fact that they had a tummy Mom and that God gave them to us. I was hoping to get some feedback from other adopted Moms who might have the same issues that I am facing. My children are not in the dark about their adoption, because I do not want them to ever think that we are hiding anything from them or lying to them. How dare you say I am labeling my kids? You do not know me and do not have a clue of me or my family. We are very loving parents and would die for our children. Just in case you were wondering. Hope this answers your question of our labeling our children.

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:39 PM

 

Quoting Miriam727:

I am referring to them as adopted, because they are adopted. I was hoping to get some positive feedback on babysitters not criticism. My children know I Love them and I do not refer to them as my adopted children in public, but I do not hide the fact that they had a tummy Mom and that God gave them to us. I was hoping to get some feedback from other adopted Moms who might have the same issues that I am facing. My children are not in the dark about their adoption, because I do not want them to ever think that we are hiding anything from them or lying to them. How dare you say I am labeling my kids? You do not know me and do not have a clue of me or my family. We are very loving parents and would die for our children. Just in case you were wondering. Hope this answers your question of our labeling our children.

 If you reread you might notice no one accused you of labeling your children. Personally I was just unclear as to how the adoption was relevant to this issue. It wasn't a criticism, just something that was confusing.

Malley
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:53 PM
Same here. It's not clear what them being adopted has to do with your question so I was curious. And to answer your question, my kids have some challenges. With my older ones I usually traded babysitting with another mom. I used sitters who were older teens and paid well to keep the hood ones. With my little ones we have only left them with close friends.

Quoting maxswolfsuit:

 


Quoting Miriam727:


I am referring to them as adopted, because they are adopted. I was hoping to get some positive feedback on babysitters not criticism. My children know I Love them and I do not refer to them as my adopted children in public, but I do not hide the fact that they had a tummy Mom and that God gave them to us. I was hoping to get some feedback from other adopted Moms who might have the same issues that I am facing. My children are not in the dark about their adoption, because I do not want them to ever think that we are hiding anything from them or lying to them. How dare you say I am labeling my kids? You do not know me and do not have a clue of me or my family. We are very loving parents and would die for our children. Just in case you were wondering. Hope this answers your question of our labeling our children.


 If you reread you might notice no one accused you of labeling your children. Personally I was just unclear as to how the adoption was relevant to this issue. It wasn't a criticism, just something that was confusing.

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banana-bear
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:51 PM

I probably sound like a broken record, but honest to God, my daughter is completely different now that she is homeschooled compared to when she was in public school. She is not medicated (but I do give extra iron, Omega-3 fish oil, and caffeine to help) and hasn't been to therapy in a few months. She was in behavioral therapy but I immediately withdrew her when the doctor suggested TO MY 6 YEAR OLD that she try medication. I was livid and never went back.

I highly suggest you don't play into the back-and-forth that your ODD child is engaging in with you. Forget charts and token economy systems; positive reinforcement, ignoring the bad behavior (unless dangerous) and keeping a calm/level head are the best things you can do. My daughter rarely shows any ODD tendencies anymore.

ODD treatment is about changing the parents, not the kids. Parents need to approach how they deal with an ODD child differently than typical children. If the ODD child is in public school, the teachers and staff need to be on board too. Now, that's easier said than done because they want to do it THEIR way and not the way that actually works. Henceforth, that's why my child is homeschooled.

Get your child under control, then tell the babysitter how to deal with the ODD child - if they are not on the same page, your ODD child will run all over them. Also, diet change is typically effective in treating ADHD symptoms, so I'd give that a try too. Good luck!

Miriam727
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:42 PM

Thank You for your comments. I totally beleive in home schooling. Almost all my family and friends home school their children. I prayed about it and talked to alot of people about this and my husband and I decided not to home school. Since my son has been in school, we have had alot of challenges. He would not stay in his classroom, he would tell the teacher he was done and walk out. I was so against the medicine also for along time, but after taking several classes and learning about the meds and how they work we decided to put him on them. Since he started the meds he is such a different person, I get hugs and kisses now and he is functioning so well in school now. I have been blessed with the local public school, they have worked with my son so much; I even brought an advocate to his IEP and she said she wished all schools were like this one. I tried changing diets, but this son eats well he prefers salads over other things. Any way the reason I mentioned that he was adopted is because I was wondering if their were other parents out there that had adopted, that might be having similar issues. Because we adopted through the county and both of my children were drug exposed at birth, so unless you have a child with similar issues it is hard to relate to where I am coming from. That is all I was trying to do;  I AM SORRY THAT I DID NOT MAKE THIS CLEAR FROM THE START. Also I am a much older Mom and just had a bout with Breast Cancer and it was very hard on my children and my husband to deal with, so I don't have the energy I had before the Cancer. This is the reason I was looking for other options for babysitters; I thought maybe someone new of an agency that specialized in helping mothers with babysitting once in awhile with children with special needs. I do have several teenagers who help me out, but sometimes their schedules are conflicting with mine.  

onethentwins
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:50 PM
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Personally I think the fact that they are adopted is very pertanant to their behavioural issues. There are many therapists that believe being separated from their mother at birth has a profound and life long effect on adopted people. Even if the children weren't separated at birth, being in foster care or being separated at an older age has it's own issues. Being drug exposed has a whole other level.

You say you're in So-Cal. There's a woman that runs a support group for all triad members, but especially adoptive parents and adoptees, in Los Angeles. It's called Adopt Salon. http://www.yoffetherapy.com/adoptsalon/ The woman that runs it is called Jeanette Yoffe and she's a lovely young woman that was in foster care until she was 6. She does therapy on adopted kids, but I think only teens.

I have no personal experience with but I've heard great things about The Kinship Center. Check this out:

http://www.kinshipcenter.org/services/mental-health.html They have a whole mental health program. They're in Orange County, Monterey, and SLO. 

Best of luck mom.

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