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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

What to do when my 4 and 5 year old wants to call my fiance Dad?

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:18 PM
  • 26 Replies

Ok so the father of my kids and I have been split for 2 years now. My girls travel to Louisiana very seldom to see him because he does not have the funds to support them nor come get them on a regular basis. I have been very flexible with his visits not asking for any money including child support and taking them from Kentucky to Louisiana. Now I have been with my wonderful fiance for over a year and he has been great to my girls. My youngest is wanting to call him Dad...is that ok? My ex is extremly upset when Harlee tells him that she has 2 daddys. I dont know what to do in this case. Will it cause them to be confused? I need advice.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JulesFairy
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:23 PM
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I think you know you family best but your little one doesn't seem to be confused. She knows what a daddy does and knows that one is her biological daddy and one fills that role the rest of time.
I guess it all comes down to how much you want to respect your ex's feelings. Since he seems to be the only one you mentioned directly who has an issue with that.
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frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:33 PM
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I would let her call whomever she wants daddy since that is the person she has bonded to.  Perhaps have her call him daddy first name or something similar to keep the 2 separate.  A little girl in dd's class said she now has 2 mommies because she was in foster care for a little bit due to legal trouble her mom had.

luv.my.kids.365
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:39 PM


Quoting JulesFairy:

I think you know you family best but your little one doesn't seem to be confused. She knows what a daddy does and knows that one is her biological daddy and one fills that role the rest of time.
I guess it all comes down to how much you want to respect your ex's feelings. Since he seems to be the only one you mentioned directly who has an issue with that.

And that is what counts. If your fiancee is ok with it and you are ok with it and your daughter wants to acknowledge him as such... Then tough tooties for the ex who isn't around, doesn't have money, and can't be a father. Before I get jumped, yes I know life happens. However, life also happens for this little girl and if she's happy then shouldn't that count?

mama91605
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:39 PM
I got with dh when my middle dd was 10mns old. She called him dadda one day and we said so his name is Chris. She looked at me and said no dadda. She was around 12 when she said that. He was there every day and their dad was not at that point. She stills calls him daddy at almost 4 and she calls her father daddy Jesse. It works for us and her dad is okay with it. We never push her to call him dadda or ever told her dh was her dadda. She just did it. I didn't agrue it. If I was you I would let her call him daddy if that's what she wants and if you ff is comfortable with. Good luck.
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Schleetle
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:43 PM
I can understand why it hurts your ex's feelings, but in this case I'd leave it up to your daughters. Maybe just tell your ex privately that you, or your fiance have never asked the girls to call fiance dad. You just want them to feel free to call fiance whatever they are comfortable calling him, and hope that ex understands the decision was always left up to girls.
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matheson7
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:48 PM
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If your ex got married would you like it if they called her Mommy? With you guys not being married yet I wouldn't. Even though you are no longer married, I would still respect his feelings and he should respect yours.
Heartlight617
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Interesting. When my ex got divorced from his wife (who left him for another man-and dumped their 4 yr. old son at 8:30pm outside the security shack of the munitions factory he supervised, telling them,"He can either take him or call DSS. I don't care." It was so sad for that little boy.
The topper? When the divorce went to court she had it written in the decree that he was NEVER to call anyone else 'mama.' She didn't see him again until he was nearly 13. He didn't fit into her lifestyle, according to her.
After you are married, I'd leave it up to the children, but perhaps they could call your husband a variation of daddy? (Papa, Daddy name, etc.)
Perhaps if their own dad got his stuff together, they'd feel more like he was their 'daddy.'
MB13
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:58 PM

Are you planning to marry soon?  I wouldn't be calling him daddy until there was a serious/legal commitment.  At that point he would be their step-daddy and have some commitment to the family.  Then if he is the one who is in the home with them every day and helping to raise them, I see no reason for them not to refer to him as Daddy.  (I am old fashioned and am assuming that you are not living with him before marriage, LOL!)

soymujer
by Mikki on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:23 PM

My boys have called my hubby dad since a year before we got married.  As long as they understand the difference and it's ok with him, I see no problem.

family in the van   Mom of four


PinkButterfly66
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:06 AM

Tell your ex to effing get over it.  The more adults in a child's life to love it the better.  He is not in their life and he should be grateful that they have a loving male adult in their life now.  As for names... it should be the child's choice.  

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