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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

What is appropriate punishment for a 5 yr old?

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:56 PM
  • 11 Replies

I would like to know what other people do for punishment for their 5 yr olds/Kindergarteners.  What do you do, how do you do it and for how long is their punishment?

ODS (5) teacher emailed me saying he was not having good behavior and wasn't listening.  DH took away a race car track he just got and said he couldn't have it for almost a month (cause DS is going away to his bio dad's for 2 weeks over christmas) so until he gets back.  

Anyway I thought that was over excessive for a 5 yr old cause a day is like a decade for them.  So I said I would ask his teacher for a report on his behavior on friday and if its good he can have his track back.  And DH said if its bad that he then can't have it until he gets back which is almost a month. 

So what I want to know was I right to think DH was being a tad over board with his punishment?  I just thought that was too much for a 5 yr old that had a hard day today, he has only had a few that is why he took it away but the last one was around Halloween I think.  

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:56 PM
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bleumonster
by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:00 PM
At five we either did timeouts for 5 minutes or I took away a toy he loved. However I usually only took it away for an hour or so unless the behavior was really bad and then just for a day or two unless he repeated the misbehavior and then it might be longer.
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GwenMB
by Gwen on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:10 PM

You do want the punishment to fit the crime - what happens if he continues to have bad days at school?  Will he never get his toy?  It won't take long for it to escalate to that if he continues to struggle at school.

^^I would ask your DH that question.  Punishment may also depend on how long the bad behavior has been going on.  If it was just today & before that was over a month ago (around Halloween being over a month ago), then I definitely think that several weeks is too long.  I haven't done the taking away toys for bad behavior at school, but I might start with taking it for one day and then the next time take it for 2 days & so on.

But first, I'd try to find out why he's having a hard time at school & see what you can do to solve it.  If you & the teacher have done everything you can think of to solve the problem with DS, then I'd start w punishments.

If he's not listening due to chatty seatmates, maybe his seat should be moved.

If his behavior is due to being tired, get him to bed earlier.

Is he bored at school? Does he understand what's expected behavior wise and for assignments?

GwenMB
by Gwen on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Your DH's reaction reminds me a little of how my DH reacted Saturday to my 5 yo.  DS crawled across a card table as he was coming upstairs. DH yelled so much, I really thought DS had broken something, not simply done something that wasn't very smart & could have caused him to get hurt.  DH did say that part of his yelling was due to being scared, but it'll be hard to get DS to understand that something is even more serious if we yell like that over something that really is relatively minor.

mamawolf1103
by Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter has a card system, she starts each day with a green card, she gets 3 warnings (for whatever behavior is the problem) and gets a yellow which means no computer, wii, or Leapster games as well as an earlier bedtime. If she continues after yellow, I give her another warning and she gets red which is basically a day of being grounded from everything- no TV, movies, games, going places etc... Needless to say she has never had a red one. I think that a month is probably a long time for a 5 year old, Mine would forget about it after a week.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:38 PM


Quoting GwenMB:

You do want the punishment to fit the crime - what happens if he continues to have bad days at school?  Will he never get his toy?  It won't take long for it to escalate to that if he continues to struggle at school.

^^I would ask your DH that question.  Punishment may also depend on how long the bad behavior has been going on.  If it was just today & before that was over a month ago (around Halloween being over a month ago), then I definitely think that several weeks is too long.  I haven't done the taking away toys for bad behavior at school, but I might start with taking it for one day and then the next time take it for 2 days & so on.

But first, I'd try to find out why he's having a hard time at school & see what you can do to solve it.  If you & the teacher have done everything you can think of to solve the problem with DS, then I'd start w punishments.

If he's not listening due to chatty seatmates, maybe his seat should be moved.

If his behavior is due to being tired, get him to bed earlier.

Is he bored at school? Does he understand what's expected behavior wise and for assignments?

He has ADD but I didn't get an official diagnosis in writing only verbal.  His teacher is aware and I was only going to get an official if it got really bad so its more of gets very easily distracted by everything along with being bored occasionally.  He does know what he is supposed to do but asked why he did or does something its always "I don't know."

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:42 PM

For me that is way overboard.  DD started losing priveleges for one day at that age.   She is in 1st grade and now we will either take 2 priveleges away or take one away for 2 days.   You discipline to help teach them, not feel satisfaction that they are being punished which what it sounds like for dear old dad.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:49 PM

DH was punished a lot harshier as a kid so I think that part of the reason he just doesn't seem to comprehend that its tough because to him is pretty tame.  

Quoting frndlyfn:

For me that is way overboard.  DD started losing priveleges for one day at that age.   She is in 1st grade and now we will either take 2 priveleges away or take one away for 2 days.   You discipline to help teach them, not feel satisfaction that they are being punished which what it sounds like for dear old dad.


GwenMB
by Gwen on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:52 PM


Quoting blessedmommie07:


Quoting GwenMB:

You do want the punishment to fit the crime - what happens if he continues to have bad days at school?  Will he never get his toy?  It won't take long for it to escalate to that if he continues to struggle at school.

^^I would ask your DH that question.  Punishment may also depend on how long the bad behavior has been going on.  If it was just today & before that was over a month ago (around Halloween being over a month ago), then I definitely think that several weeks is too long.  I haven't done the taking away toys for bad behavior at school, but I might start with taking it for one day and then the next time take it for 2 days & so on.

But first, I'd try to find out why he's having a hard time at school & see what you can do to solve it.  If you & the teacher have done everything you can think of to solve the problem with DS, then I'd start w punishments.

If he's not listening due to chatty seatmates, maybe his seat should be moved.

If his behavior is due to being tired, get him to bed earlier.

Is he bored at school? Does he understand what's expected behavior wise and for assignments?

He has ADD but I didn't get an official diagnosis in writing only verbal.  His teacher is aware and I was only going to get an official if it got really bad so its more of gets very easily distracted by everything along with being bored occasionally.  He does know what he is supposed to do but asked why he did or does something its always "I don't know."

Is his teacher doing anything to accomodate his ADD?  I would go down the road of making sure he's getting whatever help he needs w being ADD before punishing him at home for misbehavior.  I personally would get everyone official - to me, if you're wanting to punish him for something likely related to his diagnosis, then it's "bad" enough to get the diagnosis in writing & asking the school for whatever help he needs.

GwenMB
by Gwen on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:55 PM

I agree with frndlyfn that you discipline to teach them, not to punish them for bad behavior.  It sounds like you also need to talk to DH about what is appropriate discipline.

Quoting blessedmommie07:

DH was punished a lot harshier as a kid so I think that part of the reason he just doesn't seem to comprehend that its tough because to him is pretty tame.  

Quoting frndlyfn:

For me that is way overboard.  DD started losing priveleges for one day at that age.   She is in 1st grade and now we will either take 2 priveleges away or take one away for 2 days.   You discipline to help teach them, not feel satisfaction that they are being punished which what it sounds like for dear old dad.



mckinneymom918
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:56 PM
Usually a behavior problem at school means something else is going on at school. Like others mentioned, boredom, distraction, etc...

The punishment fits the crime in our house. So it really depends... Time out, losing privileges, losing favorite things.

But first, the issue of going back or lightening the punishment as it was first given. Now that's an expectation for your son. While I agree that it was a little harsh for a 5 year old, and probably not well thought out on your husbands part, it should have been carried out as given. Easily the track could be put in sight, but out of reach as a constant reminder of why he can't have it.
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