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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Divorced moms

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:46 PM
  • 10 Replies

I have a joint custody arrsngement with my ex husband. He gets our three kids every other weekend and holiday. My problem is my oldest daughter (who is adopted by my ex) has been coming home saying her dad is slapping her in the face and "choking her from behind" which she explained to me as him grabbing the back of her neck and squeezing. I have called a few different places to see what can be done about it and everyone tells me that without physical injury they cant help. I am court ordered to make her go but as her mom and knowing this is happening to her Im having a hard time telling her she has to go. The divorce was really ugly and the custody even uglier and I don't want the kids to have to go through that again, not to mention the finacial aspects. I have tried talking to him and even had her try telling him how she felt and he just hangs up the phone and refuses to talk about it. He tells her that I shouldn't be telling her to say these things, she tries to explain to him im not and he refuses to listen. I am at a loss! How do I make her go knowing the things and if I dont make her do I allow my youngest to go? Does anyone know what would happen if I just refused to take them?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
IAMmomtotrips
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:53 PM
I am so very sorry you are going through this...you can't just not take her, b/c you will be in contempt and then you'll end up in jail and he'll have them all the time...best advice is to get proof. Have her carry a small recorder with her and record what is happening..them you can take that to the cops and get a temporary restraining order (usually they'll issue for all the children involved). Also, get her a cell phone and not tell him...that way she can call 911 as soon as it happens...she doesn't have to speak or anything...just tell her call with the phone in her pocket and scream to stop and call him by his first and last name..911 will do the rest.
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JustaSM231
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:31 AM
2 moms liked this
Ok. 911 does not work like that in real life, only in the movies!!! If its a cell phone, the address the 911 dispatcher will receive will be the closest cell phone tower!! I am a police dispatcher and people do not understand why we can't triangulate their exact position to help them. That's TV world. This is the real world. She will have to give an address and names of involved parties when she calls 911. I not criticizing the previous post. I just want everyone to understand only specific land lines or "home telephones" come through with am actual address when used to call 911.
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GwenMB
by Gwen on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:06 AM


Quoting JustaSM231:

Ok. 911 does not work like that in real life, only in the movies!!! If its a cell phone, the address the 911 dispatcher will receive will be the closest cell phone tower!! I am a police dispatcher and people do not understand why we can't triangulate their exact position to help them. That's TV world. This is the real world. She will have to give an address and names of involved parties when she calls 911. I not criticizing the previous post. I just want everyone to understand only specific land lines or "home telephones" come through with am actual address when used to call 911.

The PP said to scream his first & last name.  With knowing that & the closest cell phone tower, could they find her?  She's not in immediate danger (it doesn't sound like), so perhaps just the recording from the 911 call is what they need.


soymujer
by Mikki on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:08 AM

How old is she?  In my state, when they reach age 14, they don't have to go to visitation.  I'd check into that.  If they have access to a camera, teach the others that up if they see this happening to their sister to take a pic for proof.  Also, take pics of her before you send her and when she gets back, that way if shecomesback eupith bruises, you can prove they didn't happen in your care.

family in the van   Mom of four


GwenMB
by Gwen on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:09 AM

I agree with the first poster that you need to help her get proof. Surely proof of what's happening is good even without physical injury.  Not all abuse results in physical injury.

You might also try talking to the lawyer you used in the divorce to see what they suggest.

Jennyanne322
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Does her school have councilors? Can you see if she can speak to someone there about it, an see if they will do anything about it?
And the 911 dispatcher is correct about locating a cell phone. It's nothing like how the movies and TV make it look.
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Rhondastogsdill
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:39 AM

She is 9. Im in Ks and im sure the age to choose is 12 here. Ive thought about getting her a cell phone to take there but if he found out hed take it from her. My mom said to have her go to my friend that lives in the same town as him. But its so cold here and my friends house is prolly a good two miles from her dad. I think thats one of the hardest things is I am almost three hrs away when they are with him and unless he has them for long periods of time he wont let me talk to them. My divorce lawyer was a joke which is the only reason my ex gets them unsupervised. I cant afford to hire a new lawyer the first took everything I had. I know my children are still young but I dont understand why they don't have any rights. Normally if a kid says repeatedly they dont want to see a parent there is a serious reason as to why! My kids including my oldest love their father and until recently have never said they didnt want to go see him. I just dont want it to come to the point hes hurting her bad enough for it to leave bruises or worse. Its insane how you can be with someone 8 years and not truely know them or what they are capable of. Never did I think he would do any of the things thats came out since the divorce, especially hurt one of my kids!

Rhondastogsdill
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:47 AM

They are on Xmas break til Thursday this week but yes they do and I planned on cheacking into that if only to give her someone to talk to about it! This last situation she wouldnt tell me about. She told grandma and grandma told me! Her dad is always telling them they cant tell me the things that they should be, the things that shouldn't be going on. The more that happenes to her the more scared she is of telling me things. 

 

kblpooh
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:51 AM
Call your local child protection office and report him. That will get an investigation started. There doesn't need to be bruises to report. It's their job to investigate. I also agree with others about the cell phone. Buy a cheap pay as you go phone. Good luck.
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Rhondastogsdill
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:04 AM

I called child protective services here they said without injury they couldnt do anything. I thought it was their jobs to prevent injury to kids from abuse. I am a social worker major and these social workers here just reminded me of why! They came and talked to her but thats it! Told me to talk to her about ways to keep herself safe from him and that they think its just a normal parental fear! I suppose to a point kids should be scared enough to respect their parents and to listen to what they are told but NEVER in my opinion should they ever be afraid they will be hit or to go to their home. 

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