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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:37 AM
  • 26 Replies

Ok so my husband and I run a very strict household and two things I do not tolerate at all is lieing and attitude. My 12 year old daughters friend has had a habit of lieing to everyone . Not just little lies but lies that could ruin people's lives. She has a bad home life so my daughter feels badly for her and befriended here. We have welcomed her into are home trying to give her a piece of normal. Well a couple weeks ago she wanted to come over but we had plans and it wasn't a good time. Instead of excepting that she lied to Taylor and her dad and my husband and I in order to try and go with us to my parents house. When we caught her in the lie she gave us a ton of attitude......we immediately took her home. Then had a talk with our daughter about guilty by association and that we wanted her to steer clear of this girl. When my daughter explained to the girl that she was angry about being lied to and that wasn't how friends behaved . She also explained that both she and her parents felt it was better they don't hang out .
Well the girls fathered called and spoke to my husband and asked us to reconsider . That he felt our daughter and our family would be a good influence on her. My worry is she will get our daughter into trouble or be a bad influence on her. The girl was fully aware of our rules and this not the first time she's been caught lieing to us. What would you guys do?
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
smurfy88
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:39 AM
4 moms liked this
I think her parents need to get their daughter help instead of relying on your family to "be a good influence on her".
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AleaKat
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:41 AM
Exactly!

Quoting smurfy88:

I think her parents need to get their daughter help instead of relying on your family to "be a good influence on her".
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amberdotsmom
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:48 AM

I think it's sad that the girls father feels he needs your family to be the good influence in her life instead of being one himself.

I might take pity this once, sit her down and ask her why she lied; why did she want to go with you guys so badly and make her tell the truth about why not make up another story.  If she just wanted to come and didn't want to take no for an answer that's one thing.  If it comes out that her home life is so difficult she wanted to escape and be with you for the day instead that's different.  How you handle it is up to you and how much you and your family can take on.  But at least you can explain to her that she needs to tell the truth when that happens and that it's OK for her to admit it to you, you won't judge her for it.  But from there you might have to let her down easy and explain you'll help and listen as much as you can but you can't always be her escape route.

frndlyfn
by Gold Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I would ask the father if it would be acceptable if we disciplined his child as we did our own and if he needed our support in changing their homelife as well for the better.

AnGLInterrupted
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I'm sorry but her parents need to be the good influence on their child before they put that burden on your daughter's shoulders.  If it were me, I would not allow my child to hang out with the other girl..  not until the other girl started showing some improvement with her attitude and telling the truth anyway.

soymujer
by Mikki on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:04 AM

I think in a way, the father is right that maybe you could help be that good influence but how about considering becoming friends with the parents for you can help them out by showing them as well on how to be good influences?  My daughter (13) has a friend that I don't like and has a bad home life.  Like you, we let our daughter hang out with her for she sees what a good family is like.  I am going to take my own advice and try to become friends with the mom so that she too can see what a good family is like.

family in the van   Mom of four


lizzig
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:17 PM
i'd keep her interaction with my daughter to a minumum. while my daughter may be a good influence on the girl it's just as likely that she'll be a good influence on my daughter.
Barabell
by Barbara on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:13 PM

Before my son was 12 years old, I stopped telling him who he could be friends with. I would hope by that age that my son is making good decisions when it comes to friends.

What are your daughter's feeling about the lying? Does she still want to be friends with her?

CrazedMomof2
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:15 PM


Quoting smurfy88:

I think her parents need to get their daughter help instead of relying on your family to "be a good influence on her".

I agree!

CrazedMomof2
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:16 PM


Quoting Barabell:

Before my son was 12 years old, I stopped telling him who he could be friends with. I would hope by that age that my son is making good decisions when it comes to friends.

What are your daughter's feeling about the lying? Does she still want to be friends with her?

Very true. At 10 my daughter has a good sense of kids she should hang out with and those she shouldnt. Last year was her learning year for that. She was hanging out with a girl who wasnt such a good influence........... I never said she couldnt hang out with her but over a couple months she stopped on her own.

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