Friends kids destroyed my house!

[Bleacher-mom]

How strict should I be when it comes to other kids playing with my kids toys and messing up their rooms? With one of my friends I used to babysit her kids, so they pretty much know what I expect when they come over to play, although they are more like family so I usually make them clean up their own messes after they have stayed the night. But I have some other friends that come over with their kids so our kids can play together. While they're here, I try to have a good hostess attitude so I just let them play and have fun while the other mom and I chitchat. But after they leave I get upset at how much of a mess they made. It will usually take me all of the next day to clean up my kids rooms. I know my kids are also partly to blame, but I know that at least 75% of the toys that get pulled out are from the other kids. So what should I do? Should I just expect to clean up after them when they leave or be stricter when they're here? Is that the way it should be, that when other kids come what ever mess they make is now our responsibility? When I take my kids to other friends house I usually make them clean up what ever mess they made. Is there some unwritten rule that I don't know about? Sorry this is so long, but I'm just unsure how to handle this.

[gamelas]

I build clean up time into all platdates.  kids need to clean up their stuff. it's expected at school, i expect it out of my kids, so we all do it

[raven1114]

If it's just a normal small mess then I'd probably do it myself or have my kids do it. Now if the person is routinly coming over and leaving a huge mess then I'd be speaking with the parents about having them or their kids help pick up before they leave.

[SueMNanaMama]

Everyone cleans up.  When my bestie brings her boys over, she helps clean up, too.  And lately I've just laid out boundaries - some toys are off limits -- certain shelves, the closet, the top bunk, because last time they TRASHED the room so bad.  I've always made other kids clean up after themselves.  My kid's toys are a novelty to them; he doesn't get so much out as others do. If it's put away, it's either for special times, or he's done with it but won't part with it yet.  My house has more toys than a toy store, I swear!

[ginnyk87]

Having a messy kids room isnt my biggest pet peeve. I think anyone who enters someone's house should be responsible for themself and their kids. What srives me nuts is when they destroy the rest of the house! My brother in laws who are teenagers come over and will stay up all night and cook food ( which I don't care, they're welcome to eat, as long as you're not clearing out my pantry ) and don't wash their dishes :/ so i'm stuck washing them. They're kinda rude too because they eat everything I have and I always have to go grocery shopping when they leave :/ we usually order take out or pizza when they stay so they won't be super hungry too lol. I've talked to dh and I'm gonna start hiding certain snacks in my room while they're here lol.

[mom23heathens]

I make everyone clean. A few minutes before playtime is over i go into the room and say" ok girls it's time to start putting things away." If they haven't been over before i stay and supervise to suggest what to pick up and where to put it. Im not a perfectionist though. As long as most of it is done i will help my dd finish it later. I understand about the guest kids making most of the mess . My dd hardly plays with most of her toys and she is very good about putting things away before playing with something else. When anyone come over, every single thing ends up out even stuff she forgot she had. It's because her toys are new the guest child . I have also told them not to play with certain things if i thought it could be a problem.

[JennPearce]

I rarely have kids over because the last few times the friends my son have over are very destructive & rude. Just not worth it. I don't mind cleaning up a little mess but when everything my child owns is out & it was just thrown out to be a messy pig, that doesn't fly with me. Kids will be kids, but crap, come on!

[NYChicago]

Me too. It isn't fair for the host family to be the only ones to clean up when all the kids were responsible for the mess. I tell all the kids that are here playing that everyone needs to work as a team to help with the clearing up. Sometimes we even set a timer to see if they can beat it. If it becomes a game, they get into it.

Quoting frndlyfn:

I enforce that everyone helps clean up before they go.  I always have dd help clean up when she goes to friends houses as well.

[Madameileen]

You could come across as too good of a host. Someone who will take care of EVERYTHING.  That is not what you want.  Set limits to your hosting.  Be upfront. Say with a smile and a friendly southern drawl if you like, "We need to make time for the kids to cleanup before you all leave.  Please help your child as I help mine."

[disneymom2two]

No, but if I'm at a dinner party I will offer to help the hostess at the end.  I expect children to help clean their mess and I expect my daughter to help when she goes to other people's houses as well; its just common courtesy.

Quoting Paperfishies:

In my circle of friends we all feel the same way. If I have a dinner party I don't announce to my guests, "ok, time to help me do dishes, and sweep floors!"

Quoting specialwingz:

So, you teach your kids it's okay to make messes at other kids' houses that they don't have to clean up???

Quoting Paperfishies:

Don't know what to tell you. In my house, guests are not expected to clean up. If my children have friends over, my children are very well aware that any mess made is 100% on them to clean up.

[PlaysAllDay]

I only allow certain people over now because of this. I think it's rude to not help clean up a mess you make a someone elses house. On Christmas Eve I cut off DH's family from being allowed over anymore. Sorry, doesn't fly here. Those kids literally destroyed my house though. Holes in walls, toys broken, clothes pulled off hangers in three closets, boxes of stored clothes dumped out, bins of toys dumped, furniture moved, soda spilled all over, hardwood scratched up. All while my so called family sat around chatting. It was horrible and when I asked the kids to clean up they refused and ran away, these were older kids involved 10-16. My kids were not innocent they are 8 and 5 and two other 8 yo's but they shouldn't have had to clean that mess up by themselves - I made them though, for not telling me what was happening until it was too late and for letting thier friends destroy thier stuff.