Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

How do you draw the line between expecting your kids to keep family issues private and burdening them by expecting them to keep problems secrets.

It's so hard to see kids struggling with issues they don't feel free to talk to anyone about.  It's so common for abused kids to be trained not to say anything. The burden they carry is just terrible. But sometimes kids also keep other family issues secret too.  

When I was in school I told a teacher something that happened at home. It wasn't serious or anything. My mother was very upset that I had embarrassed the family. I still feel crappy when I think about how upset my mom was.  As a parent I dont' want my kids to feel like they aren't allowed to talk about things.

My oldest son will attend the school where I work next year. I certainly don't want him going in and telling everyone every time Dad and I get in a fight, but I also want him to feel free to talk to someone if he's upset about something. 

Is this something you talk to your kids about?

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:41 AM
Replies (11-20):
aetrom
by Gold Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Meaning what gossip is not how to do it. ;)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
JoanahLee
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 5:34 PM

Have private conversations quietly, and in private.  If its something that would be damaging to be shared outside of the house its probably too private for a young child to be part of as well. 

othermom
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:17 PM

I don't really talk to them about it. We have talked about what to do if some one tries to hurt them or anything like that

LilliesValley
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:48 PM

No I hadn't really thought about it like that. My daughter can't keep secrets so if I think it's something other people shouldn't know then I don't say it in front of her. Kids do need to learn what is appropriate and what is not though because I work for a school and kids just say so many random things that their parents just wouldn't believe! LOL! I wish I could think of something now, but we've been out of school for two weeks so my minds just not in it!

DrDoofenshmirtz
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:24 PM

A good question.  DD goes to the school I teach at and I sometimes wonder what she shares.  I am pretty good friends with her teacher this year, and so far nothing horrible has been passed along (as far as I know!)  When I hear the most from my students is when we cover our health curriculum, especially alcohol.  The stories they tell! 

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:27 PM


Quoting DrDoofenshmirtz:

A good question.  DD goes to the school I teach at and I sometimes wonder what she shares.  I am pretty good friends with her teacher this year, and so far nothing horrible has been passed along (as far as I know!)  When I hear the most from my students is when we cover our health curriculum, especially alcohol.  The stories they tell! 

LOL

I know almost every day a student tells me something I know their parents would die if they knew about it. 


GleekingOut
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:29 AM
1 mom liked this

I had a child come up to me as Dad dropped him off and goes "Miss (my name)! Guess what! Daddy tried to kill mummy last night!" I was surprised and didn't know what to think as I tried to distract him with a puzzle, "I'll talk to daddy while you do a puzzle". I say and he looks up at me and goes "Yeah! I walked in and Daddy was on top of her with no clothes and Mummy was making some funny noises like she was dying! *insert child moaning here*" Dad walks over at this point and is bright red - AND THEN TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THEY WERE ACTUALLY DOING! Obviously the entire room of adults had figured it out by then -but gosh - the things they come out with.

Quoting maxswolfsuit:


Quoting DrDoofenshmirtz:

A good question.  DD goes to the school I teach at and I sometimes wonder what she shares.  I am pretty good friends with her teacher this year, and so far nothing horrible has been passed along (as far as I know!)  When I hear the most from my students is when we cover our health curriculum, especially alcohol.  The stories they tell! 

LOL

I know almost every day a student tells me something I know their parents would die if they knew about it. 



mommy_to_abby18
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:42 AM

My husband is the sharer also.lol  He is constantly throwing our business out there! Drives me crazy...

Quoting Mommy4000:

I do expect my kids to talk about our family with some sort of discretion. What I've said to them is that what happens in our home is our business, but at the same time there is nothing specific that needs to be kept secret. Usually, if something comes up I let them know that they don't have to lie about anything that involves the family, but they don't have to share everything either. Usually it's more having them keep things to themselves around my family, because my family takes everything the wrong way. Talking to teachers or friends, it's really not a big deal, I don't embarrass easily anyway. My husband is the "sharer" in the family. He's the one I have to scold about keeping things private.


mypbandj
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:21 PM
1 mom liked this

We have a rule. We do not keep secrets. At all. 

This is to protect the kids. We don't ever want anyone tricking our kids into doing something by telling them its a "secret." So we start young...no secrets. 

As far as worrying about what our kids will talk about outside our house to other people...I've never really worried about that. Dh and I don't discuss private things in front of them. 

Aurora-Dove
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:40 PM

We don't argue in front of the kids, and any family matter, weather it be financial, medical, or otherwise that doesn't need to be spoken of to anyone else, we don't talk about it in front of the kids. I firmly believe in letting kids be kids and it is not their job to worry about those types of things. That is our job as  parents.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN