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Torn between career and staying home!

I am a registered nurse (focusing on cancer patients) woking full time (plus).  I really enjoy what I do, but as my children are getting a little older and are both in school now (K and 1st grade), I feel like I don't have enough hours in the day (or night).  This past summer (and since) I have cried myself to sleep several nights because my heart actually aches to be home! Does that sound crazy??? I feel so very stressed because my house has NEVER been in the disarray (sp?) that it is now!!!  There is no way that I can possibly get caught up as our nights are short enough the way it is.  My husband is NOT the domestic type at all!!!  I desperately want to be a good wife and mother to our 2 little blessings!  Each day I feel more and more that I want and need to be home in order to take care of things.  I don't want to disappoint anyone at work; but my family means more to me than my work!  Am I being unreasonable???  Any thoughts???  Thank you, from a torn and hurting mom.

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
luvmy2kiddosKP
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:09 AM

The thing is, this would be the perfect job is things were a little different in my life.  I have a 10 minute drive to work!  The doctor that I work with is Amazing!!!  I was working as a travel nurse 2+ hours away when the kids were smaller, and felt so blessed when I received the call to take this position (which was part time). The hours were PERFECT!!!  for 2 months, then I was asked to take on another nurse's position to add up to full-time, as they let her go.  I have tried to cut back on all the extra activities that I volunteer to do, or at least take the kids with me whenever possible.  However, there are times when I have evening work hours and early morning meetings, and extra activities that I should be involved in.  This creates problems with my marriage.  Also, I just don't know how we could even make it without my income!

ninamsi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:00 AM

I would say that there is no easy  soution to your problem.  If your husband does not have a problem with you staying home, that is what I would do.  You have to live with him and know him better than anyone.  If he open to the idea your problem is solved.

mckinneymom918
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:32 AM
1 mom liked this
When I had our 2nd child 4 1/2 years ago, I had the opportunity to work from home 2 days a week. But being an accountant working in public accounting, tax season they needed me in the office as things change so quickly. So I went back in the office 5-6 days a week, often working 70 hours+ just to get my assigned work done (I'd been there 5 years, and they trusted my work above most others so I often had the lions share). After tax season that first year, I dropped back to days at home- during that summer we (as a firm) lost several of my bigger clients to other firms. Also during that summer, my best friends baby was born, only to pass 9 minutes later. So when I went back everyday for tax season, I cried every day for weeks, my heart aching to be with my kids- knowing that tax season brought a lot of take out, an often disorganized house, homework for my oldest late into the evening... At the end of January, we decided that that would the last tax season- I didn't want to burn bridges by leaving them high and dry without a body, plus what if I hated it??! I can tell you it's a pretty big adjustment going from full time to home. And it has been hard, the evenings are still hard: my oldest is in 3rd grade, I often still feel like there aren't enough hours to get everything done. We had our 3rd baby September 1, so I won't be going back at all this year- and while I'm relieved that we are blessed enough for me not to have to work, I'm a little nervous! Last winter it was nice getting out of the house, for all of us I think. My 4 year old spent my working days with my grandparents. Now it's too cold to go out and play, plus the baby... I'm already feeling a little cabin fever :) but I'll never regret the decision to stay home.
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RLSMOM59
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Well your husband needs to step up and help. I understand him working a distance but he can help pick up, put dishes in dishwasher, remove plates from table. This would show your children how people work together. Shoot, he can get the children involved with dish details. and cleaning. My children use to be responsible for making their beds, folding clothes, picking up toys, homework, and trash (put small into big kitchen trash can). I never went behind them to correct but in time they learned how to do it. Just a little help goes a long way for your sanity. For example my ex didn't help because he was trying to teach me a lesson. Well I learned my lesson well and moved on. 

suetoo
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I am a retired nurse, worked 21 years in ICU, and retired after teaching for 15 yrs. I loved being a nurse, it was my identity, not just my job. I worked two part time jobs so I had some control over my schedule. But my regret, is big regret...being away from my kids, too many double shifts, too much mandatory overtime, too many days called in because of short staffing. As you know, our workload is punishing because of short staffing, and that made my days off pass in a fog of chores and exhaustion. We always needed that extra shift for our budget. Please cut your work hours, it matters more than you know. When my daughters were grown, I once asked them why, when they saw how much I loved my job, they didn't ever consider going to nursing school? Their united answer? Mom, we saw how hard you worked for so little pay for all those hours, and how tired you were all the time, and always at the hospital on weekends and holidays when we wanted you home....please, listen to your heart. It's telling you a truth. Family must mean more than a job.

saltlifemama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I don't think there is can easy answer to your problem. Finding that balence between what you need to do and what you want to do is so hard.

I guess if I was you I would sit down and have a deep heart to heart with you husband. Then go from there. If where you are will not work with you to find a schudule then if it were me I would be looking else where.

ddhb2007
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:59 AM
I think there are a few things that you should think about.

1. Can you afford to quit?

2. Can you eliminate the over-time or go part-time if you can't afford to quit?
hollydaze1974
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:17 AM
What does your husband have against home health care? The hours are normal hours, not much OR ( if any) and you are still using your degree. I don't understand his issue. Could you explain his reasoning? And could you explain that it!s your choice so that you can parent more than work?

As for the house and rough mornings, shoes are our biggest issue. We basically put a hamper next to the door , every single kid shoes goes in there. They may have to search for that match, but you know it's in there. Backpacks have hooks and thier coats hang over them.
AND NO CHANGING YOUR MIND ABOUT WHAT YOU CHOSE TO WEAR THE NIGHT BEFORE! Girls are soo bad about that .

Good luck, mom. You deserve to watch your children grow..., in a less stressful way. Your job seems to be piling more on you ( probably for no more money) yet you are spending more time with patients and paper work than where you long to be.
I'd talk to husband, seriously, about changing to a job with a regular schedule so that your marriage, your children, and YOURSELF are happier and more at peace.

Quoting luvmy2kiddosKP:

Thank you for your insight!  My husband does not want me to work home health at all!  And, yes you are right, I just want to spend more time with my children and be there for them.  I don't need my house to be in perfect shape, it has just gotten so far out of control (and I am the one who will have to get it organized again, and clean). When things are at least in order, I will have so much more quality time to spend with the kids in the evenings and weekend and we will spend less time looking for lost items which leads to stress and raised voices, especially on those busy mornings when everyone is leaving at the same time in chaos!

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Precious333
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:20 AM

I believer that if a mom can stay home with her kids she should, thats my personal conviction, and I think its a good thing you want to me close to your kids....its important.

Precious333
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:24 AM


Quoting luvmy2kiddosKP:

The thing is, this would be the perfect job is things were a little different in my life.  I have a 10 minute drive to work!  The doctor that I work with is Amazing!!!  I was working as a travel nurse 2+ hours away when the kids were smaller, and felt so blessed when I received the call to take this position (which was part time). The hours were PERFECT!!!  for 2 months, then I was asked to take on another nurse's position to add up to full-time, as they let her go.  I have tried to cut back on all the extra activities that I volunteer to do, or at least take the kids with me whenever possible.  However, there are times when I have evening work hours and early morning meetings, and extra activities that I should be involved in.  This creates problems with my marriage.  Also, I just don't know how we could even make it without my income!


my step mom was a full times nurse, and worked wihile they had two children, She felt similar to you and wasn't sure if they could make it without the income. She decided to quit though and they would make whatever sacrificed they could without her income (which I believe may have been more than what my dad made). Anyways, they made it work, and found that they saved a ton of money by her staying  home (no childcare, lessing eating out, less gas money etc....all those little things they were able to save added up, and I think they had to make some other sacrificed too, but they were all worth it, and she has no regrets, her only regret was that she didn't quit sooner!

juliakf333. Get yours at bighugelabs.com
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