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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Dealing with allergies without turning into a 'peanut mom'?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:10 PM
  • 24 Replies

My friends kid just got diagnosed with a pretty serious peanut allergy (dr told her to get all peanut products out of the house, no eating at places that cook anything in peanut oil etc...).   

One of the many things she is flipping out over is that she wants to keep her son safe without turning into a "peanut mom".   I did not even know what she was talking about until I started poking online, so I thought id pose the question here.   

How do you deal with severe food allergies in a kindergartner without becoming an overbearing killjoy 'peanut mom' (her words, not mine!)??  

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Precious333
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:14 PM

Personally I'd rather be a overbearing killjoy peanut mom than risk my son.... but I understand what she is saying. Maybe someone here has a good answer, because I sure don't!

ruby_jewel_04
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM
I'm not sure. No allergies in my house yet. But here's a bump!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
JoanahLee
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:21 PM

Right!  Thats what I told her...who cares what people think  or call you, just keep your kid safe.  I think shes just flipping out because its so much all at once but she was like "noooo you don't understand!!  I will NOT be a peanut mom".   Im still not sure exactly what shes talking about! 

Quoting Precious333:

Personally I'd rather be a overbearing killjoy peanut mom than risk my son.... but I understand what she is saying. Maybe someone here has a good answer, because I sure don't!


Precious333
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:25 PM

I understand what she means. She doesn't want to be judged as being overbearing, and probably doesn't want her son to feel like an outcast because of  his allergy. Thankfully I have a lot of friends where their family is on a special diet because of food allergies or sensitivities, so thats something we all understand and is a normal situation for us. Maybe she can find a great group of moms dealing with the same thing.

and to add, this may be a good learning opportunity for his son as well, so teach him that everyone is different, and thats ok.

Quoting JoanahLee:

Right!  Thats what I told her...who cares what people think  or call you, just keep your kid safe.  I think shes just flipping out because its so much all at once but she was like "noooo you don't understand!!  I will NOT be a peanut mom".   Im still not sure exactly what shes talking about! 

Quoting Precious333:

Personally I'd rather be a overbearing killjoy peanut mom than risk my son.... but I understand what she is saying. Maybe someone here has a good answer, because I sure don't!


 

juliakf333. Get yours at bighugelabs.com
corrinacs
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Well, as a mom that's in this exact situation. and like her I didn't want to be a "peanut mom" either.  I didn't want to create a hostile environment over something liek this......it was alrady hard enough as it was to even determine if I could send him to public schools in teh first place.  Believe me, we talked about it for YEARS before he was even IN kindergarten :/.  The trouble with our situation is that my son is severely allergic to A LOT of foods, and I cannot reasonably ask anyone to avoid bringing those products into school each day.  I can make recommendations, but I cannot force other parents.  That being said, I can only hope that they understand the seriousness of the situation.

Our school has made his classroom peanut free.  If you bring anything into the classroom itself that has peanuts in it, it will be removed, taken to the offiec and the parent will have ot pick it up.  But they don't eat lunch in teh classroom (normally), they eat in the cafeteria.  They do NOT have a "peanut table" because that just isolates children.  They have a spot for Caden at teh end of the table with a placemat on it....it has his name on it.  The first day of school, they told the other children that this is HIS placemat and that NO FOOD of thiers can cross over to that placemat at any time.  I ensure he's got plenty of food (that he likes) so there's no reason why it should ever happen.  Also, if someone did bring peanut, treenut, egg, or sesame seed products, they are required to sit at the other end of the table.  The teacher asks at the beginning of the day, but I think she's got the hang of what ppl bring.  They also know that's the rule and they seem to be automatically sitting away from him on thier own.

They also are required to wash thier hands after lunch thoroughly. 

Also, if the teacher is having a classroom thing, she lets me know ahead of time so I can provide an alternative for him.  Or there was a time she was making a Gingerbread man, and I offered an alternative recipe.  She LOVED it, and the kids loved getting themselves dirtied up making the guy :).

corrinacs
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:35 PM

I think once you are in her shoes, perhaps you will undersatnd.  If you attempt to make a previously non-peanut free faciility peanut free, you will be met with HOSTILITY of the worst kind.  People say some horrible things like 
"well, if you want to dictate what i pack my kid, you buy my groceries"

or

"why don't you homeschool them if his allergies are so bad.....there's no reason why your child should control what my kid does"

And they even said "well, if he washes his hands and stays away from PB he's fine".......they don't understand for an inkling what indirect contact is :/.

People just don't think and they don't understand the seriuosness of it at all.

I mean, read through some of the responses of the psot I created.  That was one of hte most civil ones I've seen.  I should pull up one I posted in the past, though, that got put on the home page.  I mean, NASTY COMMENTS!!!!!  People really thought that thier child's RIGHT to eat PB was MORE IMPORTANT that my son's life.  They said that, and said it wasn't thier job to give a damn about anynoe else other than themselves.

That's probably why she's acting this way.  I don't blame her.  I'm nonconfrontational, I don't like starting (or being in arguments).  So, like her, I wanted to find other alternatives. 

Quoting JoanahLee:

Right!  Thats what I told her...who cares what people think  or call you, just keep your kid safe.  I think shes just flipping out because its so much all at once but she was like "noooo you don't understand!!  I will NOT be a peanut mom".   Im still not sure exactly what shes talking about! 

Quoting Precious333:

Personally I'd rather be a overbearing killjoy peanut mom than risk my son.... but I understand what she is saying. Maybe someone here has a good answer, because I sure don't!




JoanahLee
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:37 PM

Thanks! 

School starts back here next week. The schools only offer so far as been to let him eat in the nurses office, but that seems like it would really suck for the kid!  

I suggested that she get him one of those big plastic box lunchboxes (not the cloth bag he is using now... the old ones like we used to used to have) and teach him to use it as a plate and keep all his food in his lunchbox and not eat or touch anything else during lunch.   He is a smart kid, i think he could manage that pretty well. 

Quoting corrinacs:

Well, as a mom that's in this exact situation. and like her I didn't want to be a "peanut mom" either.  I didn't want to create a hostile environment over something liek this......it was alrady hard enough as it was to even determine if I could send him to public schools in teh first place.  Believe me, we talked about it for YEARS before he was even IN kindergarten :/.  The trouble with our situation is that my son is severely allergic to A LOT of foods, and I cannot reasonably ask anyone to avoid bringing those products into school each day.  I can make recommendations, but I cannot force other parents.  That being said, I can only hope that they understand the seriousness of the situation.

Our school has made his classroom peanut free.  If you bring anything into the classroom itself that has peanuts in it, it will be removed, taken to the offiec and the parent will have ot pick it up.  But they don't eat lunch in teh classroom (normally), they eat in the cafeteria.  They do NOT have a "peanut table" because that just isolates children.  They have a spot for Caden at teh end of the table with a placemat on it....it has his name on it.  The first day of school, they told the other children that this is HIS placemat and that NO FOOD of thiers can cross over to that placemat at any time.  I ensure he's got plenty of food (that he likes) so there's no reason why it should ever happen.  Also, if someone did bring peanut, treenut, egg, or sesame seed products, they are required to sit at the other end of the table.  The teacher asks at the beginning of the day, but I think she's got the hang of what ppl bring.  They also know that's the rule and they seem to be automatically sitting away from him on thier own.

They also are required to wash thier hands after lunch thoroughly. 

Also, if the teacher is having a classroom thing, she lets me know ahead of time so I can provide an alternative for him.  Or there was a time she was making a Gingerbread man, and I offered an alternative recipe.  She LOVED it, and the kids loved getting themselves dirtied up making the guy :).


corrinacs
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:40 PM

Yeah, they are smart :).  Caden has had food allergies since he can remember, so he knows the lfie up and down.  He undersatnds why he has to eat a cookie while his friends have cupcakes.....makes him sad I think soemtimes, but he never shows it :).

Bento boxes are awesome :).  That's kind of what we do.  The placemat idea is kind of the same thing :).

Quoting JoanahLee:

Thanks! 

School starts back here next week. The schools only offer so far as been to let him eat in the nurses office, but that seems like it would really suck for the kid!  

I suggested that she get him one of those big plastic box lunchboxes (not the cloth bag he is using now... the old ones like we used to used to have) and teach him to use it as a plate and keep all his food in his lunchbox and not eat or touch anything else during lunch.   He is a smart kid, i think he could manage that pretty well. 

Quoting corrinacs:

Well, as a mom that's in this exact situation. and like her I didn't want to be a "peanut mom" either.  I didn't want to create a hostile environment over something liek this......it was alrady hard enough as it was to even determine if I could send him to public schools in teh first place.  Believe me, we talked about it for YEARS before he was even IN kindergarten :/.  The trouble with our situation is that my son is severely allergic to A LOT of foods, and I cannot reasonably ask anyone to avoid bringing those products into school each day.  I can make recommendations, but I cannot force other parents.  That being said, I can only hope that they understand the seriousness of the situation.

Our school has made his classroom peanut free.  If you bring anything into the classroom itself that has peanuts in it, it will be removed, taken to the offiec and the parent will have ot pick it up.  But they don't eat lunch in teh classroom (normally), they eat in the cafeteria.  They do NOT have a "peanut table" because that just isolates children.  They have a spot for Caden at teh end of the table with a placemat on it....it has his name on it.  The first day of school, they told the other children that this is HIS placemat and that NO FOOD of thiers can cross over to that placemat at any time.  I ensure he's got plenty of food (that he likes) so there's no reason why it should ever happen.  Also, if someone did bring peanut, treenut, egg, or sesame seed products, they are required to sit at the other end of the table.  The teacher asks at the beginning of the day, but I think she's got the hang of what ppl bring.  They also know that's the rule and they seem to be automatically sitting away from him on thier own.

They also are required to wash thier hands after lunch thoroughly. 

Also, if the teacher is having a classroom thing, she lets me know ahead of time so I can provide an alternative for him.  Or there was a time she was making a Gingerbread man, and I offered an alternative recipe.  She LOVED it, and the kids loved getting themselves dirtied up making the guy :).




saltlifemama
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:42 PM

My son has a peanut allergy. I try to keep our lives and the lives of those around us a normal as possible. My son knows he can not have nuts and a long list of other food containing nuts. He has since kindergarten. He is really good about telling people. So I do not feel the need to lecture everyone we come in contact with. I did let his teacher know and the school nurse. I think you can be conscience about your child allergy with out going overboard and that is what I try to do.

corrinacs
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:43 PM

Here's the post I was mentioning that was met with the WORST OF PEOPLE LOL.  It was in the toddlers/preschoolers group

http://www.cafemom.com/group/preschool/forums/read/16914054/Public_service_Announcement


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