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Having your child switch teachers....

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:28 PM
  • 24 Replies
We are currently having some issues with my DDs teacher. They were all minor until last week when DH went to dismiss DD early and her teacher didn't know her by name. This was the last piece, we decided to request for her to be moved. This poor kid has had crappy teachers for 3 out of her 5 school years. Last year we wanted to move her but met with the principal and decided against it since the year was more than two thirds over. This year we are one third through and we want her moved now so that we don't have a repeat of last year.

We emailed the principal, and she wants to meet with us which is reasonable. She wants to know what we have done to try to resolve these issues with the teacher, we haven't done anything except had one PT conference which everyone has. We thought those minor things would work themselves out and it would be ok. Our biggest concern is that the teacher didn't know DD. After 75 days of school you should know your students. I am a para and I know all of my students by name, I have twice as many yet am only technically responsible for two of them but I still know who the secretary is asking for when she asks for one of the students in my classes.

I also work in the district and am very involved in the PTA. I will be spending too much time with the principal over the next couple of months as I plan the annual father daughter ball. While I would like to keep things all calm and ignore the situation, DD should not have another unproductive school year, so I will say things and stand up for her.

Would you push to have your kid moved or would you just leave it be?

The other minor issues were that the teacher has made it very obvious to the students and to us that she favors the boys over the girls. And then that she had told us about an incident where DD went to her with a concern, when in fact DD was afraid to approach her so WE brought the concern to her attention. She told us DD writes too many sentences in her journal so she takes points off for DD not getting straight to the point like boys do...her words. DD being rushed through spelling tests bc her partner was a boy more advanced than her so he would rush her to be the first team done, so she was not taking her time and getting words wrong. DD is afraid to raise her hand to ask for extra help or to say she doesn't understand, and she's afraid to ask the teacher one on one as well, so she comes home not understanding her homework completely. Not all huge issues, but they are adding up...
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by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mjande4
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:32 PM

I think that you have valid concerns, however, your points are all over the place.  You need to go into the meeting with facts and specifics.  Just saying that the teacher "doesn't know" your daughter is not going to do it.  You saying that she favors the boys over the girls is going to make you look jealous.  Stick to specific problems that YOUR child is having in said learning environment.  Have specific items listed that YOU have tried/done to rectify the situation.  My gut tells me that since you have ONLY had one meeting with the teacher, the principal is not going to move your daughter.  There has to be more steps taken by both parties first.  Good luck.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:33 PM
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I would have a meeting with the principal and the teacher to see if you can't resolve these minor issues.  In our district, a transfer is really hard to get and most likely wouldn't be given for the reasons that you've stated.

Lurion
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Please clarify--what do you mean by "she didn't know her name." 

Is it possible she just had a brain bubble (like I do sometimes when I call my own children by the others' names lol)? 

The gender bias stuff does exist--well documented. Your DD will learn to navigate in the world, given that there are boys in it and given her own personality. You can't expect it to be everyone else's responsiblity if she feels afraid to ask. It's your choice and responsibility as a parent to seek out the best atmosphere for her, but you also need to let her find her own voice and feet. 

Not going to call "helicopter mom" yet, but thinking it might be a possiblity...

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:51 PM

I'm not sure what that mean either. There's no way that she doesn't know the kid's name at this point in the year. 

I call students the wrong names all the time. I call my own kids by each other's names. It's not because I don't know their names, it's just one of those things. 

Quoting Lurion:

Please clarify--what do you mean by "she didn't know her name." 

Is it possible she just had a brain bubble (like I do sometimes when I call my own children by the others' names lol)? 

The gender bias stuff does exist--well documented. Your DD will learn to navigate in the world, given that there are boys in it and given her own personality. You can't expect it to be everyone else's responsiblity if she feels afraid to ask. It's your choice and responsibility as a parent to seek out the best atmosphere for her, but you also need to let her find her own voice and feet. 

Not going to call "helicopter mom" yet, but thinking it might be a possiblity...


maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:54 PM
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I also want to add that if you want to change teachers two years in a row maybe you need to evaluate what your expectations are. You yourself say they aren't huge issues, but you still want to switch before even addressing them. 

As I mentioned in the PP I am confused about the name thing. As for your daughter rushing to keep up with a classmate, I'm not sure why you blame the teacher. It does sound like she could prefer boys.  But honestly, if you're looking for things to be unhappy about, innocent comments can seem more serious than they are. 

Malley
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 1:07 PM
Do you mean she didn't know your dd's name when the secretary called over the PA system? That's often hard to understand. Sometimes all I hear is "Please send Wahwahwahwah to the office to wahwahwah." I've asked "Who????" also. Also I have kids with similar sounding names, like Alex, Alexis, and Lexie so I have to ask the secretary to clarify which one.
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LavenderMom23
by Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 1:14 PM
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I would never leave my child with a teacher I didn't feel was completely competent to know and teach my child. I'd request a change. But then I am the mother that was so upset with public school my kids won't be returning until the 7th grade! I homeschool now and things are much better.

saltlifemama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 1:45 PM

We can not change teacher in our school for any reason. Only recourse we have is to change schools. My ds has a really bad teacher last year. We had all kinds of issues and ended up in the principals office at least a half dozen times. Some isues we had were much worse then what you listed. We didn't want to move him and just kept stating our concerns and tried to work through it.

Mommy2_two
by Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 2:51 PM

I would bring my concern to the teacher first. If she seems unconcerned or brushes off your concerns then I would request a change. 

My DD loved all her teachers until 3rd grade. Her and the teacher just did not mesh and DD said the teacher hated her. I requested a meeting and told the teacher that my Daughter thinks you hate her. The teacher was shocked and had no idea. It turns out that my DD had teacher that were very affectionate and soft spoken up until this teacher. was was very by the book and kinda loud. I spoke to my DD and the rest of the year was enjoyable.

coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 3:20 PM
I'm surprised that you haven't even attempted to work with the teacher first. The principal is going to ask why. Although the examples you gave were minor, you still had the power to work on them as they came up, you chose not to.

The name thing isn't minor but I agree with the PPs, could she just had a brain cloud? I only have 2 kids and I get their names wrong all the time.

We had an issue with DS in 2 grade but by the time we were fully aware of it and its consequences, it was late winter so we kept him where he was and figured out ways to support him from home and be ready for 3rd grade (which was an awesome year).

Moving to a new class isn't always the answer, especially at this late date...it will throw off the balance of the new class and after a period of adjustment, there is no saying it will be better. At least you know this teacher and how you can help your DD.

JMO, it's not fair to expect the principal to come in and save the day if this has been ongoing without any effort to fix it.
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