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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

Having your child switch teachers....

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We are currently having some issues with my DDs teacher. They were all minor until last week when DH went to dismiss DD early and her teacher didn't know her by name. This was the last piece, we decided to request for her to be moved. This poor kid has had crappy teachers for 3 out of her 5 school years. Last year we wanted to move her but met with the principal and decided against it since the year was more than two thirds over. This year we are one third through and we want her moved now so that we don't have a repeat of last year.

We emailed the principal, and she wants to meet with us which is reasonable. She wants to know what we have done to try to resolve these issues with the teacher, we haven't done anything except had one PT conference which everyone has. We thought those minor things would work themselves out and it would be ok. Our biggest concern is that the teacher didn't know DD. After 75 days of school you should know your students. I am a para and I know all of my students by name, I have twice as many yet am only technically responsible for two of them but I still know who the secretary is asking for when she asks for one of the students in my classes.

I also work in the district and am very involved in the PTA. I will be spending too much time with the principal over the next couple of months as I plan the annual father daughter ball. While I would like to keep things all calm and ignore the situation, DD should not have another unproductive school year, so I will say things and stand up for her.

Would you push to have your kid moved or would you just leave it be?

The other minor issues were that the teacher has made it very obvious to the students and to us that she favors the boys over the girls. And then that she had told us about an incident where DD went to her with a concern, when in fact DD was afraid to approach her so WE brought the concern to her attention. She told us DD writes too many sentences in her journal so she takes points off for DD not getting straight to the point like boys do...her words. DD being rushed through spelling tests bc her partner was a boy more advanced than her so he would rush her to be the first team done, so she was not taking her time and getting words wrong. DD is afraid to raise her hand to ask for extra help or to say she doesn't understand, and she's afraid to ask the teacher one on one as well, so she comes home not understanding her homework completely. Not all huge issues, but they are adding up...
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by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:28 PM
Replies (11-20):
Lorena
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 3:48 PM
When my 2nd ds was in 4th grade we had problems with the teacher. We tried orking them out all year but it boilded down to she just wasn't the right fit for him and his disabilities. We never did request a new teacher instead we requested that our 3rd ds not have her. But all the 4th grade teachers we feel are bad in our district. Thus is our 5th child in the 4th grade and it is all the same. But it is only one year so we just work with it.
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KairisMama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 That is VERY ODD she doesn't know her name by now. My DD has had wonderful teachers. She's so quiet in school, and I fear her getting that bad teacher someday. I hope it never happens.

momtoBrenna
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this

We will be having our dd tested for a grade skip and they only have 4.5 months left in the school year. You need to do what is best for your dd. 

TJandKarasMom
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:03 PM


Quoting Lurion:

Please clarify--what do you mean by "she didn't know her name." 

Is it possible she just had a brain bubble (like I do sometimes when I call my own children by the others' names lol)? 

The gender bias stuff does exist--well documented. Your DD will learn to navigate in the world, given that there are boys in it and given her own personality. You can't expect it to be everyone else's responsiblity if she feels afraid to ask. It's your choice and responsibility as a parent to seek out the best atmosphere for her, but you also need to let her find her own voice and feet. 

Not going to call "helicopter mom" yet, but thinking it might be a possiblity...

DH was standing in the hall at the office, having DD dismissed.  HER teacher walked by, said hello to him, she was on her way to the lunch room for duty-DD was on her way to the lunch room from recess.  The secretary said "can you grab DD (first and last name) for dismissal in the lunch room"  the teacher said "oh, in third grade?"  DD is in 4th grade, in this woman's class.  Then when she got to the lunch room she was calling DD by name (first and last) telling her to raise her hand, DD was near her and had to basically get right next to her and say "Mrs___ I'm right here."  This is completely unacceptable to me.  DD does not have a common name, she is the only Kara in her entire school, and the only one with our last name in that school as well.  There is no confusing or mixing up her name.  There is no excuse for this teacher to not know when the secretary said "can you dismiss Kara Xxxx" who she was talking about.

TJandKarasMom
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:04 PM

See my explanation above.  This was not that she called her by the wrong name, I do that all the time too.  I have an AM and PM class and in each class there are two kids that we all (3 teachers) mix up, lol.  This was much different.

Quoting maxswolfsuit:

I'm not sure what that mean either. There's no way that she doesn't know the kid's name at this point in the year. 

I call students the wrong names all the time. I call my own kids by each other's names. It's not because I don't know their names, it's just one of those things. 

Quoting Lurion:

Please clarify--what do you mean by "she didn't know her name." 

Is it possible she just had a brain bubble (like I do sometimes when I call my own children by the others' names lol)? 

The gender bias stuff does exist--well documented. Your DD will learn to navigate in the world, given that there are boys in it and given her own personality. You can't expect it to be everyone else's responsiblity if she feels afraid to ask. It's your choice and responsibility as a parent to seek out the best atmosphere for her, but you also need to let her find her own voice and feet. 

Not going to call "helicopter mom" yet, but thinking it might be a possiblity...



TJandKarasMom
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:08 PM

Her teacher from last year has been removed from the classroom, she is tenured so she was reassigned as a reading specialist but is no longer in the classroom.  We were not the only parents that had issues  with her last year. 

It is because of that teacher and DDs entire experience last year that we are quick to request a move.  DD deserves to have a teacher that knows who she is and cares about her, or DD should at least feel that way. 

I blame the teacher for her methods of testing and how she chose the partners for spelling tests.  Each kid has different words, so I get that she can't test them all.  But then she should put similar kids together, not a very advanced and in a hurry student with a student that really needs to take her time.  She should examine the needs of all her students and match them better. 

Quoting maxswolfsuit:

I also want to add that if you want to change teachers two years in a row maybe you need to evaluate what your expectations are. You yourself say they aren't huge issues, but you still want to switch before even addressing them. 

As I mentioned in the PP I am confused about the name thing. As for your daughter rushing to keep up with a classmate, I'm not sure why you blame the teacher. It does sound like she could prefer boys.  But honestly, if you're looking for things to be unhappy about, innocent comments can seem more serious than they are. 


periwinkle163
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:13 PM

 Have you set up a meeting with your dd's teacher to try to find a solution. Also not to be rude but are you 100 percent sure your dh stopped the right teacher? It seems more likely to me that he might have spoken to the wrong teacher than that a teacher wouldn't know a kid in their class. I only ask because a similar situation happened at my son's school last week and the parent felt like a total butt when she realized what happened.

TJandKarasMom
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:13 PM


Quoting Malley:

Do you mean she didn't know your dd's name when the secretary called over the PA system? That's often hard to understand. Sometimes all I hear is "Please send Wahwahwahwah to the office to wahwahwah." I've asked "Who????" also. Also I have kids with similar sounding names, like Alex, Alexis, and Lexie so I have to ask the secretary to clarify which one.

I explained the situation in a post above.  This was not over the PA system.  The teacher was walking by DH-whom she greeted-as he was waiting with the secretary, the secretary said in person "can you dismiss Kara Xxxx when you get to the lunchroom" as the teacher was on her way to the lunchroom for duty and DD was going there from recess at this same moment in time.  The teacher looked at the secretary and said "oh, in third grade?"  No, in 4th grade in your class.  Then when she went to the lunchroom DD said she looked right past DD and was yelling for Kara Xxxx to raise her hand.  DD had to go right up to her and say "Mrs___ I'm right here"  No excuses for this one.  I work in a school as well and I understand where there can be some confusion, but I have never had this issue and I'm only a para.  We have almost 200 students in my school (it's a tiny school) and I know probably 140 of them by name-like if the secretary asked me to go get so and so, I wouldn't have an issue, I would probably know their teacher and what their parents looked like.  I certainly know the 34 students in my classes.

TJandKarasMom
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:19 PM

I explained the situation above, it wasn't a simple name mix up.  We all do that.

We had a big issue last year and we let it go against our better judgement.  This year we are trying to be more proactive since we are only 1/3 of the way through the year.  We tried to give it some time, we did talk with the teacher about a couple of things and she did try to fix them.  But my biggest concern is that I don't feel DD is getting all that she should be from 4th grade, she doesn't feel cared for or safe and those are major concerns for me.  She has some abandonment issues (she is my SD, her BM left 3.5 years ago and at this point hasn't seen her in over a year or even called her in like 9 months).  She NEEDS to trust the adults in her life, she NEEDS to know they will do everything to protect her and care for her, she doesn't feel this way about her teacher whom she spends over 6 hours a day with.   And that's just not ok with me.

Quoting coolmommy2x:

I'm surprised that you haven't even attempted to work with the teacher first. The principal is going to ask why. Although the examples you gave were minor, you still had the power to work on them as they came up, you chose not to.

The name thing isn't minor but I agree with the PPs, could she just had a brain cloud? I only have 2 kids and I get their names wrong all the time.

We had an issue with DS in 2 grade but by the time we were fully aware of it and its consequences, it was late winter so we kept him where he was and figured out ways to support him from home and be ready for 3rd grade (which was an awesome year).

Moving to a new class isn't always the answer, especially at this late date...it will throw off the balance of the new class and after a period of adjustment, there is no saying it will be better. At least you know this teacher and how you can help your DD.

JMO, it's not fair to expect the principal to come in and save the day if this has been ongoing without any effort to fix it.


TJandKarasMom
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:21 PM


Quoting Lorena:

When my 2nd ds was in 4th grade we had problems with the teacher. We tried orking them out all year but it boilded down to she just wasn't the right fit for him and his disabilities. We never did request a new teacher instead we requested that our 3rd ds not have her. But all the 4th grade teachers we feel are bad in our district. Thus is our 5th child in the 4th grade and it is all the same. But it is only one year so we just work with it.

It is just one year.  But she also had a sucky 1st grade teacher and an even worse 3rd grade teacher.  Why should she have to have a crappy year in 4th grade too?  Her 3rd grade teacher actually bullied her, we didn't know the extent until there was only a few weeks left of school and we decided to keep her where she was and reassure her that next year would be better.  This year isn't better, so we need to fix it.

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