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Elementary School Kids Elementary School Kids

3rd grade drama

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:57 PM
  • 8 Replies

Hi, I'm Ashley. My oldest daughter is 8, almost 9 and in 3rd grade. She has two girl friends that are in the same grade as her, and they have been friends their whole lives. These girls parents are mine and my husbands close friends and we all do almost everything together and the kids usually play fine together. Last week, my daughter came to me and said that one of the girls, we'll call her Kayla, was ignoring her and wouldn't let her play with she and her other friend, let's call her Taylor. My daughter couldn't figure out why they were treating her so badly and kept trying to ask them why they were upset with her but they continued to ignore her or tell her she couldn't play with them. My daughter does have other friends, so I encouraged her to play with them and try to ignore what's going on with Kayla and Taylor and let it pass, but not to stoop to their level. Yesterday when she came home she said they were all friends again. I'm not too fond of her friend Kayla, she is a bully and doesn't like her friends to have any other friends but her, and I would be happy if my daughter didn't play with her, but was glad they were getting along again. Today when I picked her up, my daughter told me that she and Kayla are not friends anymore and she played with another friend of hers today. She and Taylor are in the same class at school, and she told me she sits next to her and that Taylor was being mean to her today and pushed her out of line somewhere at school. I keep encouraging my daughter to continue to be nice to them and try to ignore them when they're being mean, but she doesn't seem to know how to do that. She just keeps trying to get them to tell her why they're mad and be friends with them still. What I'm wondering is, should I talk to their parents(our close friends) about what's happening, or should I just let them deal with it themselves and only step in if things get out of hand? I don't want to cause more problems for my daughter, because I know Kayla will give her more problems if I talk to her mom and she will probably deny everything, but I just don't know what, if anything I should do!

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:57 PM
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Replies (1-8):
xanayda
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this
My daughter is in the 2nd grade and has this issue too. I let her handle it. i give her the same advice you do and let her make the final decision. :) they'll be friends again next week anyways lol
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coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this
I know how you feel, we had a similar problem with DD and her friends Samantha and Molly. The difference was that DD was in the middle...Samantha and Molly wanted her to themselves. This is the first year none of them are in class together and that's been helpful although DD was on Molly's soccer team and is now on Samantha's basketball team.

I'm not a fan of Samantha's as I think she is aggressive and annoying and I've scaled back on their playdates although I like her parents a lot. I just tell DD to be nice to everyone, to include everyone and play with other friends. It's worked so far.
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Andrewsmom70
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Girls are like that. It happens all the time. She is just going to have to learn to get a thicker skin and focus on other friends.

Talking to parents isn't going to help. You can't make kids be friends if they don't want to be.

Your daughter will eventually get sick of it and move on. You cannot take care of all your child's problems. She needs to learn those skills herself and the only way to learn is to go thru it.

It's typical of girls thru all school graded.
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Lispi
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:15 PM
My dd had to deal with something similar when she was in elementary. I find that it is best to let the kids resolve that sort of issues themselves. Having said that, stay involved and keep the communication open so you know if things escalate. it's kind of sad to see them feeling left out but it's just gonna happen sooner or later and it will teach them to grow a thick skin and to expand their circle of friends.
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pcsainco
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:15 PM
I have a third grade girl too and there seems to always be some drama going on, lol! I love being able to shoot other moms a text to either give them a heads up or to find out what MY daughter's role might have been.

I let my girl work it out on her own as much as possible because she well always have to deal with changing relationships and it its better to learn this skill early, imo. Rarely, I will send her teacher an email to give her a heads up if things seen particularly ugly.

So, yes...I'd talk to the other moms, especially since you're friends with them. Definitely make the conversation non-accusatory!

You might want to check out some books for her on dealing with "frienemies." My dd likes the American Girl books.
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Teacher101
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:18 PM

My daughter had this issue in first grade and it got so bad the teachers told the three girls they could no longer be around each other. DD kept going back for more abuse because she just wants everyone to like her. DD wasn't causing the issues, she simply kept going back for more.

Maybe speak to her teacher and ask for the adult perspective.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Unless someone is really being physically or emotionally hurt, let the kids work it out on their own.  It is a life skill that they need to learn.  I would encourage you to keep talking to your dd and giving her coping skills for dealing with bullies and people who are mean to her.  Her best line of defense is to completely ignore the other girls and do her best to stay away from them.

ashleyp83
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 12:46 AM

These are my thoughts exactly. I just kept going back and forth. I have stayed out of it though, and my dd is doing just fine. It's different with her friends everyday, but all this advice has helped me be sure that this is just a lesson she needs to learn on her own. Thanks!

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